


The accidental summoning of Castiel

by elisa_anya



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alternate Universe - College/University, Demon Castiel (Supernatural), Demon Deals, Edgeplay, Edging, Firefighter Dean Winchester, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 88,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27577607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisa_anya/pseuds/elisa_anya
Summary: When Bela and her friends trade Dean for wealth in a satanic ritual, he thinks it's just a very annoying prank. But when he realizes the demon that claims to be now bound to him and refuses to leave is truly a force summoned from Hell, he has no choice but to take responsibility for him until Sam finds a way to get rid of him.
Relationships: Bela Talbot/Dean Winchester (minor), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, minor Dean Winchester/Lisa (minor)
Comments: 250
Kudos: 335





	1. THE SUMMONING

**Author's Note:**

> There's no specific post schedule for this one but I'll do my best to post as often as possible.  
> I'll also update the tags as we go.  
> It's going to be a fun ride.

Dean always knew Bela was trouble, _always_ , but he never imagined just how much. Everyone warned him against dating her but it was the usual stuff, nothing he couldn’t handle. They said she was selfish, snobbish and cunning. It’s common knowledge (and it’s necessary to emphasize that it’s a fact, not an opinion) that she’s the kind of beautiful devil that’s going to marry a rich piece of shit some day, some trust fund baby with old money, not for love but for the guy’s inheritance, to live a life of glamour and comfort, to not have to work a day in her life and ruin her perfect manicure. Charlie’s said Bela has crazy eyes, more than once. The only thing that mattered to Dean was how crazy she was in the sheets. They weren’t going to marry, that was for sure. Hell, they weren’t even really dating. They loathed each other and they didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t but damn, the sex was amazing and at 26 years old, about to end his graduate studies, Dean wasn’t looking for anything serious. He just wanted to have some fun before he finished school and stepped into the real world and decided to be a little bit more serious. So what was the harm of fooling around with Bela? The angry sexy, born out of how much they despised each other, was frankly just too good to pass. What could possibly go wrong, right?

Well, now that he’s tied up in bed, naked, after she convinced him to have a bit of a BDSM session, he realizes _just_ how crazy this chick really turned out to be and how far she is willing to go to get the comfortable life she wants to have. 

He just wanted to have some goddamn fun.

In hindsight he should have perhaps found it a little alarming how well she was tying him up. His wrists over his head bound to the headboard, his legs pulled apart, tied to each post of the bed frame. He cannot move at all, he pulls from the ropes so hard he almost pulls a muscle but they don’t budget at all. She got him good, she tied him up methodically and professionally, like she had practised this many times before. The knot was too complicated for just a light BDSM session. No, this was meant to keep someone who would _really_ struggle to get away trapped in place, helpless. Dean realizes this only _now_ and he feels like a fucking moron for it.

Seven girls dressed in red cloaks surround the bed he’s laying on. One of them is Bela, the rest are her as equally vile sorority sisters. She’s holding a dagger in her hands, an old looking thing, something like an antique that he realizes right away is real and sharp, and a goblet in the other. If he were untied he’d laugh at her for being so extra, but considering the position he’s in it does nothing but worry him even more; this girl is going for a full satanic mode and it seems like he’s the sacrifice offering. Another one of them, Meg, is holding a very old book she keeps glancing at, murmuring something unintelligible under her breath like she’s practising, browns knitted together in concentration. The only one of them who doesn’t look eager and anxious to do whatever it is that they’re planning to do is Becky who keeps glancing in the direction of Dean’s uncovered penis like she can’t help herself but then quickly averts her eyes again, cheeks burning a hot red with embarrassment. She’s the only one with some kind of sense so she tries to appeal.

“Becky, come on, untie me, you don’t wanna do this,” Dean pleas.

Becky squirms and makes herself small, wishing nothing but to go unnoticed by the naked man.

“You’re not like them, you’re—you’re—maybe a little weird but not psycho.”

Josie snorts and shakes her head. If Charlie thinks Bela has crazy eyes, it’s nothing compared to what she thinks of Josie; _everything_ about her screams crazy, even Dean can agree to that. “Good job, Winchester, calling weird the one girl who might actually help you.”

Dean narrows his eyes at the redhead. “Shut the fuck up, Josie. Don’t you have a husband to murder or something? Ain’t that why you joined this sorority? You girls are famous for leaching on rich husbands.”

“Precisely why we have _you_ here,” Bela beams teasingly, moving closer to the bed. She sits on the edge, puts the goblet down and moves the tip of her fingers up and down his thigh. Dean can’t help locking his eyes on the dagger’s every movement. “We figured why tie ourselves down to a dumb husband when we could just be rich and powerful on our own?”

“And how exactly are you going to do that?” he asks but he doesn’t really wanna know because he already sees where this is going and it isn’t going to end pretty for him. He underestimated just how fucking crazy these sorority girls could get.

“We’re going to make a trade,” she explains. Pointing the dagger in his direction, she says, “we’re trading you for wealth.”

“Huh,” he huffs and smirks, trying not to show how actually concerned he is, “you have finally gone full mental, Bela.”

She doesn’t take offence though, she merely chuckles. “Oh, Dean, you have no idea what you got yourself into. Did you really think a girl like me would go out with a boy like you?”

“We’re _not_ going out,” he points out as he has done a million time before with anyone who ever asked about her. It's important to him that people know he does _not_ like Bela Talbot one bit. “We’re just sleeping around.”

“And you never wondered why?”

“Because I am cute as well,” he grins cockly. He pulls from the ropes again but he’s getting nowhere close to freeing himself. 

“That you are,” she admits, then leans closer until her face is but inches away from his and whispers, “which is exactly why you’ll make a good offering, you dumbass.”

She rolls her eyes at him like she can’t handle his stupidity anymore and pulls back. Grabbing the dagger with more intent, she cuts his forearm and blood begins to flow down his arm. He groans and closes his eyes, but grits his teeth, refusing to scream out and show weakness. She’d _love_ that. Taking a deep breath he opens his eyes again and stretches his neck to try and see the cut; it’s not too deep or too long, not serious enough at all to kill him. If that’s what she was going for, she’ll have to try harder. However it doesn’t seem that’s what she wanted as her next movement is grabbing the goblet and collecting some of his blood.

Now he’s _really_ pissed off. This is crossing a line. Yes, he was concerned from a start but a part of him was still somewhat in denial that these idiots would actually hurt him. He doesn’t necessarily imagine them trying to bury body parts in their immaculate, girly backyard. He doesn’t think they even own a shovel. He thought, worst case scenario, it was all about to turn into a weird ass orgy which, deep down, he wasn’t really against but consent was key nonetheless. Or maybe they were going to film him or something, which would have been fucked up to but then the bitch actually went and cut him, this wasn’t some very inappropriate prank anymore. This was truly turning into some satanic bullshit. 

“What the actual fuck, Bela?” he growls. “Are y’all so bored with your lives you’re playing wannabe satanists now, huh? Is that it?”

The insult triggers Meg, who snaps her head up and claims, “we _are_ satanists, you ignorant fool, and you’ll wish you never messed with one of our sisters.”

Yeah, he's finally beginning to agree with people there. Bela was trouble, more than he could handle for sure. If Sam could only see him right now… He’s going to give him an earful… _if_ he gets out of this in one piece, that is.

Looking around her soul sisters, Meg says, “girls, let’s do this.”

The seven of them surround the bed in a semicircle. Eve, the closest to the door, turns the lights off, leaving the group immersed in the mysterious lights of the many candles they placed around the room. It’s a fire hazard, in Dean’s humble opinion. Yes, it’s probably not the time to think about that but he _is_ studying fire science to be a firefighter, so he can’t help himself. If he dies in a fire caused by their dumb experience, it’ll be terribly ironic for him.

Bela passes the goblet with Dean’s blood and other things he couldn’t get a good look at to Meg, who lays it in the leather storage bench by the foot of the bed. Dean’s had sex with Bela on that bench, that was really fun but boy, looking back at it, he realizes it wasn’t worth it. The ladies pull the hoods of their cloaks over their heads and join hands, except for Meg who still holds the book. Then, Meg starts chanting words in what Dean thinks is Latin, or a very poor pronunciation of it.

_Daemon, esto subjecto voluntati meae._

_Citatus, accedas, Castiel._

_Serva me, servabo te._

_Prosperitas, fortuna, vita._

_Da nobis omnibus dare potest._

_Serva me, servabo te._

He’s relieved, to be honest. If the worst they’re going to do is cut his arm and try to summon a demon, great. He should be out of there in five minutes, when the jerks realize that there are no such things as demons.

Except that when all the girls start chanting the last verse over and over again, something definitely starts to happen. Dean’s not sure how to explain it but just in a few seconds the room begins to feel charged with… _something_. A presence, a powerful one at that, in there with them. He sees nothing in the dim light but it’s like a pair of intense eyes are on him, lusting over his naked body. If he were in a dark alley, he’d be looking over his shoulder to check what’s following him. Dean can feel it, the girls can feel it. They don’t stop their chanting but they do look around, eyes skimming the room for proof that their invocation is working.

From the corner of his eyes, Dean thinks he sees an inexplicable shadow that should not be there move behind the girls. His heart begins to race as a shiver downs run his spine but he tries to argue with him that he’s just seeing things, that it’s not possible these girls are _really_ —

“What the hell was that?” he asks, an edge of panic in his voice, when he _definitely_ sees the shadow again, a quick black silhouette moving on the wall.

Suddenly the contents of the goblet spontaneously erupt in flames, in unison with the light of the candles. They all startle and Dean can’t help but begin trashing in the bed, desperately trying to free himself.

“Cut it out, this isn’t funny!”

He turns to Becky, whose voice has turned into the faintest of whispers, as if maybe she won’t _really_ be participating if she doesn’t speak loud enough. They lock their gazes and without saying a word he once again pleas for her to release them. The moment only lasts a second and then the flames of the candles blow out abruptly.

The girls gasp in the dark. Dean hears footsteps, then the lights are turned on, momentarily blinding him as they’re right above him. He blinks a few times and startles when he finds a young man, of approximately his age if not a little older, sitting on the edge of the bed. His first reaction is to frown in confusion. He had been expecting… he wasn’t sure _what_ he had been expecting, but surely not this, not this undeniably handsome dude with messy dark hair, high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes. Surely not the trench coat. The guy stares at him weird, with way too much intensity, studying him like Dean’s some fine arts piece he’s just discovered. It weirds him the fuck out, especially considering Dean’s still naked.

His second reaction is relief and also embarrassment, both happening simultaneously. _Of course_ this was a prank, goddamn. He feels actually stupid, sincerely and profoundly stupid and ridiculous for being scared for a moment there. This fucking weirdo had to be hiding under the bed the whole time, even when Dean and Bela were about to get it on. What a perv.

“It worked...” Meg whispers in awe. Dean shoots her a quick glance and is surprised to find her sincerely in shock. Glancing around the girls, he finds them all speechless, Bela and Josie grinning widely, holding hands.

He didn’t know they were all such good actresses… and so committed to such a dumb prank.

“Ha-ha,” he deadpans, glaring up at them, “very funny. Now fucking untie me!”

The guy next to him proceeds to undo the persistent knots that keep Dean bound to the bed, starting with his legs.

Embarrassed but thankful that at least this guy has the sense to cut it out already, he reluctantly mutters, “thanks.”

“Wait!” Eve starts, holding a hand out towards the guy as he frees Dean’s legs. “Wait, we, huh—don’t we get our reward first?”

He turns towards her and in a calm and oh so very deep voice, he says, “I already gave you your reward.”

“Really?” she breathes out, smiling as she clutches her chest.

“Where is it?” Bela asks rather impatiently. “Do we get a treasure or—”

“Jesus, will you stop it already?” Dean groans, rolling his eyes at the whole lot of them. “I get it, ha ha, you got me there for a second—”

“You shut up,” Bela snaps at him.

This doesn’t seem to sit well with trench coat-guy. He narrows his eyes at her in a way that is strangely menacingly and has Bela showing fear and vulnerability, which is _very_ unlike her. She all but flinches under this murderous stare.

“Don’t talk to him like that.”

Bela bites her tongue and nods, looking down at her shoes like a scolded child. Dean raises an eyebrow, impressed. He can’t help but find that slightly hot and instantly thinks there’s something wrong with him for that but damn it’s nice to see someone put her in her place.

The guy takes a deep breath and, again neutral, merely says, “look out the window.”

Confused, the girls hesitate. Ruby breaks the ranks and walks over to the window while Castiel proceeds to untie Dean’s right hand. He moves too slowly for Dean’s taste, like he has all the time in the world while there’s nothing Dean’s more eager to do than cover his junk and get the hell out of there. He feels humiliated. 

Standing next to the window, Ruby gasps. She opens the window and sticks her head out. “What the _fuck_ —”

The rest of the girls, except for Becky, gather around the window and join in on Ruby’s confusion and exasperation.

“What did you do to the garden!?” Josie asks, an edge of hysteria in her voice. “You ruined it.”

“Are those— are those _goats_?” Meg mutters, squinting her eyes.

Dean sees a flash of anger cross the young man’s face before he jumps to his feet and faces them. Coincidentally, as he does, the lights flicker.

“Ruined it?” he repeats and he’s _definitely_ pissed now. “I gave you what you asked for.”

Sighing with annoyance himself, wishing they would just stop this poor attempt of a drama play, Dean pulls his right hand free at last, sits up in the bed properly and begins to free his other hand.

“We asked for wealth!” Eve argues with him. She stomps her feet and all, the petulant child.

“No, you asked for _prosperity_ . I’m the demon of _prosperity._ ”

“That’s just another word for wealth!”

He shakes his head and holds his chin up proudly, grinning at her, amused by her annoyance. “Not really, not in this case. I specialize in agriculture and fertility. You should have done your research better, _child_.”

“This is _your_ fault!” Bela accuses Becky, pointing a finger at her direction in a threatening way. “You were in charge of researching the right demon, you imbecile!”

Becky flinches and Dean can’t help but feel sorry for her. Bela is always such an ass to Becky. Sure, she’s pathetic, definitely, no question about it, and she will even join in on this crap to get a (false) sense of belonging… but Dean still doesn’t enjoy watching Bela be cruel to her, Becky’s just a bit of a sad character.

Instinctively he finds himself defending Becky. “Hey, lay off her, Bela.”

The gorgeous blue-eyed guy rewards Dean with an oddly proud smile that, even though suits him, puts Dean off again. He just doesn’t get the guy at all, can’t even begin to think what thoughts are crossing his mind. The man grabs Dean’s clothes from the floor and offers them to him. Once again Dean finds himself begrudgingly thanking him while he grabs his t-shirt and applies pressure in the cut that’s still bleeding.

“Shall we go?” he asks Dean, gesturing towards the door. 

Dean blinks, completely astonished by the dude’s boldness. If this guy thinks Dean’s putting out after what they all just pulled on him, he’s sadly mistaken. Dean would have most likely slept with the guy if they had met under normal circumstances; he doesn’t usually go for guys but once in a blue moon he’s in the mood for it and this guy is handsome enough that he could have seduced Dean, but _not_ after all of this crap. 

Before he has a chance to tell him to fuck off, Eve continues to argue with him.

“You can’t take him! We need him to summon the _right_ demon.” And with that she throws Becky another murderous glance.

“Dean’s is _mine_ ,” the man growls, tone dangerous and absolutely. Eve backs away right away as the lights do that flickering thing again that has Dean frowning with curiosity. He can’t remember there being an electrical problem in the house before… “We’re bound by blood magic, you cannot offer him to anyone else. And if you lay a hand on him again, I’ll make sure it’s the last thing you ever do. Understood?”

“Crystal clear,” Ruby nods and smiles anxiously in an attempt to appease him. Then she addresses her sorority sisters. “It’s okay, girls, minor setback, we’ll just try again with some other guy.”

“Doubtful,” Castiel comments while Dean gives his back to them and starts dressing up in a hurry. He cannot get there fast enough. “Even if you are able to get as good an offering as Dean, I doubt you’ll find another demon willing to make the exchange.”

Dean shakes his head at them, once again rolling his eyes at how extra they’re all being. Once his underwear and pants are on, he throws his shirt over his shoulder, tucks his socks into his shoes which he carries with his hands, ready to fuck right off and go home and disinfect the cut in his forearm.

“Well, this sucked,” he declares, forcing a smile as he stands in the doorway. “Bela, I think it’s mutual when I say this ain’t gonna work anymore so fuck off and lose my number. Good night and good riddance. You’re all fucking crazy.”

Without another world and without giving trench-coat-dude a chance to follow him, Dean all but runs out of the house. When he swings the door open he comes to an abrupt stop; the front lawn has become, in the course of half an hour, an explosion of vegetation.

“What the—”

Where there used to be order and a perfectly neat and planned landscaping there is now a mess of bushes and trees. The place is suddenly crawling with life, vegetables of all types and sizes, perfect fruits hanging from trees, even a few chickens walking around in peace. Gone is the fancy entrance leading up to the house, not there’s a very narrow space between bushes that he could squeeze through to get to his car.

Dean takes a few steps forward towards an apple tree and reaches out to touch one, his hand frozen in midair in hesitation.

It has to be fake.

Right?

It has to be.

The girls had a whole crew of people moving shit around while he was upstairs, just to fuck with him, to make him look stupid. They must be watching from the windows, studying his reaction and every move, laughing at him. He pulls his hand away, convincing himself that if he touches it to confirm whether it’s real or not, then the girls at winning their prank and they’re gonna succeed at making him look like a fucking moron. That’s why he doesn’t touch the apple, not because he is actually concerned it’s real and caused by the mysterious man in Bela’s room. 

Dean swallows hard, shakes his head to himself and walks away.


	2. DENIAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I'm gonna try and keep a steady pace, posting on the weekends.  
> I have trust issues with fics that aren't completed from an amazing story I started reading and then the author abandoned it, so I just want to say I finish all the stories I start.  
> Thank you for your comments!

Frustration and irritation emanate from Dean in such a way that when he runs into a neighbour in the stairs on his way up to his apartment, the lady who would usually smile or even flirt with him just stands aside to let him through, like she’s afraid he’s going to yell at her or something.

Dean opens the door to his apartment and slams it shut with a heavy sigh. The silence of his tiny studio apartment welcomes him home. He kind of hates it, to be honest. Growing up with his brother by his side, sticking together through thick and thin, no matter where his father got deployed, it’s hard to be on his own and it’s lonely to stand in the quietude of the night. Still, he’s learned his lesson tonight; it’s better to be alone than in bad company.

As he cleans the cut in his arm, hissing when the alcohol burns him, he wonders if he should press charges against the girls just to teach them a lesson. Really cutting him was taking the prank too far, in his opinion. He entertains the idea for a few minutes, imagining how horrified they’d be to have charges pressed against them but that’s all he does, knowing full well he’s not going to go through all the trouble just to spite them. He doesn’t have the time or the will power, nor does he want people to know a bunch of sorority girls got the best of him.

After putting a bandage around the cut and praying it won’t leave a scar, he washes his feet before getting into bed. He grabs the laptop from the nightstand and lays it in his lap, already palming himself through his briefs. He needs to channel his frustration  _ somehow _ and he had been planning to get laid tonight, so what the hell? He needs to unwind after the bizarre events of that night. He starts with his favourite porn website, discovering he is in a mood for guy on guy action. After a few minutes of touching himself, he doesn’t need the visual inspiration anymore. He gently shoves the computer aside and closes his eyes, imagining just what he’d like done to him. He’d been honestly looking forward to getting tied up and manhandled, so that’s in his mind. Surprisingly, as mad as he is at the stranger that played along with the girls for the prank, his imagination still conjures up the handsome dude he met that night, the blue eyes that looked at him with strange intensity. With that hoarse voice of his saying  _ Dean _ over and over again, Dean cums in his hand with a satisfied sigh.

And that’s it, that’s how that night ends and all that happened in it dies with him because he will never  _ ever _ tell another soul. His friends would never let it go or stop laughing at him if he did. It’s just a wild tale he’s taking to the grave with him.

Except the next morning when he wakes up, he finds trench-coat-guy in bed next to him, patiently watching him sleep with the familiarity of a spouse. Dean yelps and jumps back, accidentally rolling out of bed and dragging the sheets down with him (thankfully, as he’s still naked). 

Chest heaving, his head peers from behind the bed as he exclaims, “what the hell, man? How the fuck did you come in? And how do you know where I live?”

Dean glances around his studio apartment and finds that all windows are closed and the door’s still locked just as he remembers leaving it last night and every other night in his life. He’s not the type of guy who is afraid someone’s gonna murder him on his sleep but his mother drilled it into his brain so much that the big city was dangerous and he had to take care of himself and  _ are you locking your door, Dean? ARE YOU?,  _ that he does it automatically, second nature, as soon as he arrives home. 

“We’re connected,” the man replies rather happily, pleased with this fact, “I always know where you are.”

“ _ Dude _ !” Dean snaps, completely repulsed by the response. There’s no amount of gorgeous that can cover up how creepy that was. “Get the hell out!”

The other’s face drops, suddenly doing his best impression of a devastated puppy. The honesty in his expression bewilders Dean even more. This guy is nuts or an amazing, overly committed actor. How much is Bela paying him? When will she drop the prank? 

In the back of his mind, Dean can’t believe he jacked off to this guy just the night before.

“What, why?”

“Why do you mean  _ why _ ? You prank me with those crazy girls, you break into my apartment, then you watch me sleep! How do you expect me to react?”

“But we’re con—”

Pointing a finger in a threatening way at him, Dean growls, “no, don’t say it! We’re  _ not _ connected! Dude, I don’t even know your name!”

“Castiel. My name is Castiel. Now can I stay?”

Dean grabs his head with his hands and pulls from his short hair. Where on  _ Earth _ did Bela get this guy from? 

“No, you  _ creep _ ! Get the hell out of my apartment! You tell Bela to stop messing with me or I’m pressing charges for assaulting me! I’m not kidding!”

Dean haphazardly wraps the sheets around his waist and begins to push the stranger towards the door. Castiel is freakishly heavy and strong, Dean can barely move him an inch at a time as the stranger looks at him innocently, like he’s not even trying to resist him.

“What the— will you just  _ leave _ , please?” he sighs in irritation, storming towards the door, unlocking it and holding it open for Castiel. Every fiber, every cell in him is burning with annoyance. He just wants this guy out of his home and his life. 

Finally,  _ thankfully _ , Castiel lets out a deep breath of his own and drags his feet towards the door with his shoulders hunched forwards in disappointment.

“Alright, I’ll leave for now. I suppose it is too soon to be in your chambers.”

“In my—my what?”

Tilting his head to the side and moving his hands around, Castiel explains his train of thought like he’s reciting something he read in a book. “I understand humans are in the habit of courtship before sealing their marriage and consummating it through sex so I will respect your wishes.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Dean snaps, slapping himself in the forehead. “You’re not still doing the whole demon invocation thing, are you?”

Castiel opens his mouth to respond but before he gets a chance to say a word Dean shuts the door in his face and locks it, although the creep might just know his way around the lock, somehow.

Dean marches towards his bed, diving face first into the pillow. He screams into it, letting out his renovated frustrations, and pulls the covers over his head to hide from the world for the rest of the day. He really hopes Bela relents and asks this guy to back off because he’s too proud to admit it bothers him and doesn’t want to have to beg her to stop. She would love to know she’s getting to him and he doesn’t want to give her the pleasure. He prays to not ever wake up to this guy staring at him again.

A few days go by and Dean starts to forget about the whole thing. He’s busy, he’s got classes and study sessions to attend (God knows he can’t study on his own), exams to get ready for, shifts to cover at the different part time jobs he’s got, a pile of laundry he keeps forgetting to do... All blissfully normal parts of life. Besides Charlie having a meltdown over her favourite show being cancelled, nothing weird happens for days and when he runs into one of the sorority sisters, they both go out of their ways to avoid each other and pretend the other doesn’t exist. When his friends ask about Bela, Dean simply says they both decided it was time to end whatever it was they had. Charlie and Sam are relieved while Benny is a little suspicious that Dean gave her up so abruptly considering their agreement for angry sex seemed to be working out very well for them but he asks no questions and for that Dean is grateful. He would rather not lie and telling the truth is out of the question.

Unfortunately though, soon enough Castiel starts popping up in his life again, like gum Dean just can’t kick out of his shoe.

The first time Castiel shows up out of the blue, Dean finds him waiting for him outside of one of his classes with a big bouquet of flowers. They’re beautiful, Dean grants him that much, but his presence is nowhere near welcome despite how cute he actually looks waiting for him with a sappy, rather shy expression on his face, shifting his weight from his ankles to his toes. To strangers, it looks like a loving boyfriend surprising Dean with a romantic gesture. From Dean’s perspective though, he’s being stalked by a handsome madman. He can’t help but notice Castiel is wearing the exact same clothes he last saw him with; trench coat, suit and tie, nice shoes.

“Hello, Dean. I brought you flowers.”

People stare at them and whisper and giggle, some girls walk past them and go  _ awww _ not knowing how truly creepy the situation is for Dean. Benny grins, bewildered and profoundly amused, but thankfully walks away to give Dean some space with his secret crush.

“No, no, no, we’re not doing this!” Dean hisses as he approaches Castiel, keeping his voice down to avoid making a scene. He grabs Cas’ forearm and leads him to a corner. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I am courting you,” Castiel beams, offering the flowers to Dean. They smell fantastic and the variety is impressive, but Dean’s still not into it. Hell, even if Castiel wasn’t insane, Dean’s not a flowers kind of guy. “I grew them myself for you.”

“I don’t want flowers.”

“You don’t want flowers? What do you want then? I’ll give you anything.”

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “Dude,” he starts, talking slowly and clearly, trying to get through to Castiel, “I just want you to leave me alone, okay?”

Almost apologetically, Castiel clicks his tongue and responds, “I’m afraid I can’t do that, we’re bound by blood now.”

Becoming more frustrated than angry, Dean groans and runs a hand down his face. “Jesus, please give it up already with the demon thing, it’s not funny anymore.”

“I agree it isn’t, demons aren’t funny. Most of us can be quite dangerous, but fear not, I would never harm you.”

“You’re not a demon!” Dean snaps way too loudly, causing people to turn their heads in his direction. He inhales sharply and closes one of his hands into a fist, channelling all his irritation that way. He’s using all his willpower not to punch the guy. He’s so close to finishing his degree, he cannot get expelled now. 

“I most certainly am,” Castiel argues completely calmly and matter-of-factly. It’s then when Dean fears this guy might  _ actually _ be crazy, he seems to truly believe what he’s saying. “But I won’t be for much longer, if that’s what’s bothering you. The closer we grow, the more human I’ll become, then we can grow old together in peace.”

Castiel smiles at him like he cannot think of a better fate than ending up with Dean, utterly pleased with the outcome of his destiny. He looks so cute, so full of hope, Dean wants to punch him in the face for being such a weirdo because Dean would totally go out with him if he wasn’t.

“Listen, pal, I don’t know what you’re on,” Dean fumes, and Castiel’s only reaction is to tilt his head to the side in confusion and squint, “but I ain’t buying what you’re selling so leave me alone, okay?”

Dean storms off, leaving Cas standing in a corner with a confused look in his eyes, still holding the flowers in his hand.

“Who’s that guy?” Benny asks as Dean rejoins him; they have plans for lunch.

“Just some guy,” Dean vaguely responds through gritted teeth. He doesn’t want to give the whole explanation. He isn’t even sure himself what the hell is happening anymore. Is this still Bela messing with him or does this weird guy now have a fixation on him? That’s the last thing he needs, a bloody stalker.

“I think he likes you,” his friend teases him, sneaking another quick glance in Castiel’s direction.

“I’d better not see him again…”

By then Dean begins to hope Castiel will take a hint and stop whatever it is that he’s doing, but isn’t really too surprised to see him showing up at one of his part time jobs. He works as a server from time to time at a restaurant, on an on call basis, mostly to cover for people who can’t make it to their shifts. He hates customer service, feels like it drains the life out of him, and the restaurant owner is a dick but with his looks and charisma the tips are always good and it’s a Friday night too, there are going to be more customers and therefore more money. Sadly, as much as he hates waiting tables, he doesn’t have the privilege to say no to work at this stage of his life. Ever since he moved out of the apartment he was sharing with his brother so that his girlfriend Eileen could move in, which he did willingly and happily, money has been tight. It was definitely easier to share the burden of rent with someone else, now he lives month by month counting every dollar. 

He’s just bringing an order to where a couple is sitting outdoors on a table in the nearly kept garden facing the waterfront park when he sees Castiel sitting at one of the tables in a far corner. 

“Oh, hell, no…” 

This time he decides to ignore his stalker; maybe he’ll go away if Dean doesn’t acknowledge his presence and fuels the fire of his craziness. But far from taking the hint, Dean can see him waving in his direction, full of joy that they’re meeting once again.

“Motherfucker,” Dean mutters distractedly under his breath as he shakes his head and tries to convey with his eyes just how much he wants Castiel to leave.

He’s not sure how it happens, since he wasn’t watching his way, but before he knows it he runs into a customer. The tray slips out of his hand and inevitably the glasses and plates crash into the floor and shatter—which he’s going to have to pay for. The food makes a mess on the floor. A few people laugh, an asshole applauds and whistles like it’s a comedy show. One of his colleagues gives him a sympathetic look and hurries to get the broom while the couple he was supposed to bring the food to groan and fume at his clumsiness.

“Great, so we’ll have to keep waiting for our food, awesome,” the woman he’s serving rudely complains, making sure she’s loud enough for him to hear.

“I’m so sorry about that,” he quickly apologizes even though it pains him to have to lick her boots but he’s got to try to defuse her anger before she complains to the manager. She looks like the type. He can kiss his tip goodbye. “I’ll ask the cook to prioritize your meal, okay?”

“Yeah, just make sure you don’t drop it again,” she retorts without shame, without compassion. 

Dean sets his jaw and bites his tongue, imagining all the things he’d say to her if he could but knowing better than to sass a client. “Absolutely,” he responds, trying his best to come off as sympathetic instead of angry. “How about I bring you some fries, on the house, huh?”

“I don’t eat fries,” she snaps at him as if she’s been insulted, like she’s too good for carbs. Dean should have known better, he never trusts people who order salads at restaurants.

“You’re right, sorry, I just—”

“Just go, just go,” she sighs in irritation, gesturing for him to walk away with her hands. Knowing when to cut his losses, he starts to leave, but not before he can hear her say, “can you imagine not even being good at being a waiter? Jeez.”

He can’t help but turn to glare at her, making her well aware that he heard her nasty comment. She doesn’t seem at all bothered by it while her boyfriend just awkwardly avoids Dean’s eyes. When Dean starts heading back to the kitchen, he comes face to face with Castiel. There’s an intensity in his eyes that could put the fear of God in anyone.

“Was she rude to you?”

Dean regards him for a second and then decides he’s too tired and busy to argue. He’s got other things to do and he’s sure the clients are watching him closely, waiting for him to ask for a replacement of their meals.

“Dude, now is not the time. Don’t bother me at work, I can’t lose this job,” he responds rather anxiously, making sure the boss isn’t around to accuse him of wasting time before walking around Cas and heading back into the kitchen; people are waiting for their orders.

Inside the restaurant, just a stern look from the manager tells Dean he’s in trouble but luckily his employer doesn’t have the time to chastise him because it’s a crazy busy night. Dean tries to keep his head down and his customers happy, so he runs into the kitchen to get the dishes for another table. He’s just coming out once more into the backyard when he hears a commotion outside. He rushes to see what’s going on and finds the woman that was a jerk to him surrounded by six relentless bats that seem to be attacking her. Her boyfriend, far from being useful, is swinging his jacket over her head, slapping her in the face with it more often than he’s doing anything to get the animals away from her. Dean can’t help but simply stare at the bizarre situation with his mouth hanging open because there are usually no bats around the area. Then he spots Castiel in the distance, staring at the woman with a self-satisfied little smirk and his hands on his pockets, completely relaxed in contrast to the rest of the customers, some of which have jumped from their seats to get away from the animals while the rest watch in entertainment. 

Suddenly, Castiel meets his eyes, bows his head in his direction in reverence and walks away. He left a flower on his table. It’s for Dean, no doubt.

_ Did he just— _

_ Nah, Dean, you’re ridiculous. _

_ That’s just… impossible. _

After what Dean and his colleagues refer to as the bat incident (which he’s somewhat grateful for because it distracted the manager so much he all but forgot about Dean’s previous accident), he can’t help but notice that lately people that are mean to him tend to have sort of… bad luck, let’s call it. Unfortunate, unpleasant incidents. Weird ones too. And Castiel, the fucking weirdo, even though he keeps his distance after Dean’s firm rejections, is always around when shit hits the fan, somewhere in the background.

The first time Dean notices this happening t is when a frat boy bumps shoulders with him when they walk past each other in the street and insults him for not watching the way, even though it was  _ his _ fault. Dean doesn't bother replying because he’s not going to waste his time with a Richie Rich who thinks he owns the sidewalk because his daddy probably owns the town, he’s just not worth his attention, but immediately after, to Dean’s delight, the guy slips on literally nothing and spills his coffee all over himself. He cries out in pain as the boiling hot liquid burns him. Dean snorts and laughs. He swears he spots the beige trench coat out of the corner of his eye before it disappears out of sight in the busy street.

The second time divine justice is granted to Dean is when a customer leaves the restaurant without paying for his food for which Dean is punished by having to cover the cost himself, but then the man gets attacked by a rabid dog that was on the loose just around the corner of the street. The wild animal bites the man pretty badly, enough that an ambulance is called, and then disappears into the night like a ghost without bothering anyone else. Cas was back at the restaurant again that night, although he didn’t bother Dean this time for which he was thankful because that was a particularly busy shift. He did, however, leave flowers for Dean again.

Then there’s a professor who is a known asshole and gives him shit in front of everybody for not finishing all his readings for the class, not giving Dean the chance to explain he didn’t find the time as he had to juggle three part time jobs that week alone. This man gets mildly electrocuted when he tries to plug in his computer in the classroom. He doesn’t  _ die _ but he passes out and everyone freaks out. In the end, the guy is fine despite the scare so Dean doesn’t feel too bad. The class is cancelled and he manages to catch up on some much needed sleep. When he comes out of the classroom, Cas is once again waiting for him with a bouquet of flowers. Dean accepts them begrudgingly without saying a word and walks away.

“Seriously though, who’s that guy?” Benny asks him, curiously looking back at Cas over his shoulder.

“Don’t look at him, it’ll only encourage him,” Dean tells him, completely avoiding the question.

A few days later, a client at the mechanic shop where Dean works a few hours a week gives him crap about taking too long to complete a job even though it was not his fault, the parts just took long to arrive due to some issue with the post office. On his wait out of the auto shop, he gets stung by a group of organized and determined bees that had just decided they didn’t like the guy. Earlier that day, he had spotted Cas near the place but ran from him before the weirdo could approach him.

Then there’s the guy that cut in line at the supermarket; his bags broke almost as soon as he finished packing his stuff, splattering food everywhere.

Dean also ran into Bela and caught the magnificent moment in which a bird pooped on her almost as soon as she gave him that look that screams  _ I’m better than you. _ It was absolutely glorious. 

Another professor tried to screw the whole class by moving an exam a week earlier than the original date that was set on the course syllabus with little to no notice, only to get severely ill, which forced him to leave the exam for when it worked for all the students, Dean included. He’s desperately grateful for that, moving that exam a week ahead of schedule would have fucked with his entire schedule.

And on these three occasions, as always, Cas had been around, he’d seen how the events that unfolded could be negative for Dean, how people were being unfair or disrespectful towards him...

Of course all of those accidents cannot be attributed to Castiel, his presence there those days had to be strictly coincidental, but even though reason says it’s impossible Dean has this feeling there’s an angel watching over him, punishing the people who are not nice to him. An angel… or a demon that likes him.

He doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t even want to acknowledge that that’s a possibility, fearing for his own sanity.

Instead, Dean needs a break so he heads out with his friends for a night of heavy drinking, which is how he’s learned to unwind, whether that’s healthy or not. There he once again meets Castiel while he’s flirting with a pretty girl who seems all too happy to be the object of Dean’s attention. Castiel pops up virtually out of nowhere, distressed and agitated while his eyes go back and forward between the two of them, and says to her, “you can’t have him, he’s my husband.”

The girl Dean had been talking to gasps, horrified by Castiel’s revelation, and she quickly steps a few feet back, eager to get away from Dean and his supposedly cheating ass. “You’re married? You’re gross!” she exclaims before slapping him across the face and storming away.

Completely done with the insanity that has become his life and Castiel’s presence in it, Dean snaps at him right away, throwing his arms out while he confronts this stranger for once and for all. “What the hell, man? What did you do that for?”

Dean really wanted to take that girl home. She was sweet and nice, making eyes at him, giving him all the right signs that she was game if he was, and they could have had some good times together that night. He needs it, boy does he need it. He wants a distraction and something fun and easy to lower his stress levels. She would have been perfect for that. 

“I couldn’t let that happen!” Cas responds. He’s so honestly upset Dean might feel bad if he weren’t crazy. The guy looks brokenhearted, as if they were really together and he’d just caught Dean cheating. “You’re mine and I’m yours.”

“We’re not even dating! This isn’t funny anymore! You’re stalking me!”

People are turning their heads in their direction but Dean doesn’t care, he’s had enough of this madness. 

“I’m not stalking you, I’m  _ bound _ to you.”

Dean inhales and exhales furiously. His fist itches to clash with Castiel’s stupidly perfect face, he’s shaking with the temptation to just do it. “Right, cause you’re a demon.”

Castiel nods and he seems somewhat relieved that Dean’s finally getting with the program, oblivious to the sarcasm he used. Dean could punch him.

“I’m starting to get tired of this, Castiel or whatever your real name is.  _ Stop  _ following me or I swear, man, I’m going to the police.”

Dean goes after the girl he’d been sweet talking all night and tries to explain the situation but she won’t listen to him, won’t believe a word he has to say, not when Cas is looking from a corner of the room pulling such a convincing performance of a sad boyfriend that he could get an Oscar for it. When she calls a friend of hers, who is two heads taller than Dean, he decides to call it quits and make a quick exit, barely spending a few seconds to say goodbye to his friends. His night is ruined, he’s in a terrible mood, he just wants to go home and forget about everything.

He decides to take a detour through the park. It’s dark but the weather is nice and Dean likes to walk around to clear his head. He’s mentally and sexually frustrated so stretching his legs for a bit before hitting the hay might help him. Maybe at least it’ll help him relax the knots in his back from sitting for too long, studying for his upcoming exams. He’s lost in thought, not really paying much attention to where he's going, his mind somewhat clouded with alcohol and his thoughts almost entirely focused on Castiel and all the weird shit that’s been happening lately.

All he’s looking for is a moment of unadulterated peace but of course fate, the treacherous bitch, has other plans for him. In hindsight, what with his luck lately and considering he’s walking home alone in the middle of the night, he should have been more careful and paid attention to his surroundings but he’s totally taken by surprise when two guys jump him out of the blue. Dean’s embarrassed he didn’t even hear them coming and in the back of his mind he blames Cas for it, for cock-blocking him and making him so angry he forgot about everything else.

Everything happens so fast or maybe it’s because he’s drunk. Normally he’d be able to handle himself well in a fight, but the alcohol and the element of surprise really work in these guys’ favour. One of them grabs him from behind, hooking his arms under Dean’s armpits to hold him still as the other frantically searches his pockets. He resists, of course, and immediately a fight breaks out. Afterwards he’ll come to think he shouldn’t have resisted as he knew he didn’t have anything of true value that they could take from him. They could take his wallet but they’d be in for a surprise when all they would find were about 5 dollars. He didn’t even have the keys to his car, his precious baby, but in the heat of the moment instinct took over reason and fighting was his number one choice. It would have been better to stay calm and let the two men realize Dean wasn’t a good pick, he was just another broke student, but he didn’t.

He only has half a second to see the light of the street lamps reflecting on the blade of the knife before he feels it breaking through the skin of his stomach. The three of them had been frantically fighting a second ago, throwing punches almost blindly hoping to hit the right person (or at least so it seemed to a drunk Dean) but then everything stops at once. He clutches his stomach in shock while the other men watch in horror what they’ve done. Dean meets the gaze of the man that stabbed him and finds him as equally shocked and terrified by his actions as Dean. Panicking, he pulls the knife out of Dean as if that would undo what had just happened but Dean, who has had first aid training, knows that’s exactly what you’re  _ not _ supposed to do, unless you want to make matters worse. Immediately, blood starts spurt out of Dean at a frightening rate. 

The men start screaming at each other, completely hysteric, but in the moment they sound so distant in Dean’s ears. A ringing replaces the shouting instead. He falls to his knees, instinctively applying pressure on the stab wound with his bare hands but the blood flows through his fingers relentlessly. He automatically knows this is bad, this is very bad. At least the shock and the adrenaline are working to numb part of the pain but he needs to snap out of it and get help, and he needs to do it now. He lifts his gaze to ask the men for help because what other option does he have but beg for it at this point? If there’s a shred of decency in them, maybe they will help him instead of leaving him out there to die. But instead of finding the two strangers that attacked him, he comes face to face with Castiel.

For the first time ever, Dean is glad to see his stalker. Castiel is like a vision in the night, the trench coat flapping behind him as he strides in Dean’s direction, the yellowish light of the lamps forming a sort of halo around him from Dean’s perspective. He looks mighty and determined, ready to save the day.

However instead of running for help, Castiel crouches down in front of him and with all the calm in the world, does nothing but press two fingers to Dean’s forehead. A strange shiver runs down Dean’s entire body, something twists in his stomach and he recoils from the man’s touch.

“I need help, call for help,” Dean tells him urgently, chest heaving.

He doesn’t want to die, he really doesn’t. There’s so much he still wants to do. He’s barely started living, making something of himself, he doesn’t want to go before he achieves something he’s proud of. Becoming a firefighter was supposed to give him that and after studying to get his degree, after almost crossing the finish line, he’s going to kick the bucket? No way in Hell.

“Dean, you’re okay,” Castiel assures him, placing a hand on his shoulder. His tone is meant to be comforting but Castiel’s serenity shakes Dean to his core. The thought that he’s going to die because this crazy person won’t join him on planet Earth exasperates him enough that for a moment the feeling is more overwhelming than his fear of  _ actually _ dying.

Completely done his Castiel’s bullshit, Dean grabs the front of his coat with one hand, smearing blood all over it, and growls through gritted teeth, “stop playing games and call for help! I’m gonna die!”

“Dean,” Castiel insists, forcefully removing Dean’s hand from his stomach and pulling his shirt up, “you’re fine.”

When Dean follows his gaze and looks down, he sees the blood but no injury. Skeptic, he stretches the skin in his stomach with his hands, searching for the wound he knows has to be there… but there’s nothing. There’s no cut, no wound, nothing but the fresh blood soaking the front of his clothes, hands and the ground. Dean’s hands are trembling with adrenaline, he doesn’t understand what’s happening. He wants to puke. An even deeper panic settles in his chest. He’s becoming increasingly dizzy.

“How— how did you—”

With a knowing tilt of his head, patiently repeating what he’s told Dean already, Castiel explains, “I’m a demon, remember?”

“You’re a— but you can’t be— it’s not pos—”

Castiel smiles kindly, like he doesn’t know how else to convince Dean that what he’s been telling him is the truth, and shrugs. He waits patiently for Dean’s reaction, for him to catch up with what’s happening. That’s that, what else is he supposed to say? He’s said plenty of times before.

“You’re a demon,” Dean finally whispers, then passes out cold.


	3. HERE TO STAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments <3  
> I hope you enjoy this one.

When Dean regains consciousness, he’s highly disorientated. He opens his eyes and realizes he’s at home, in his bed, for which he is glad but at the same time he cannot remember getting there. Slowly, as if coming to his senses after a deep, dreamless nap, he sits up and startles when he finds his clothes stained with dry blood. Then it all comes back to him at once; the bar, getting mugged, getting _stabbed_ , being cured by Castiel, the demon…

And there it is again, that uncomfortable nausea that threatens to empty the contents of his stomach.

Everything in him yells that he’s gone insane. He doesn’t want to believe it, that Castiel is a demon, because it goes against everything he believes in, every logical thought ever, but what other explanation is there? Castiel’s _something_ alright, and he says he’s a demon. He was conjured in what seemed to be a satanic ritual. Being an atheist, it’s hard for Dean to wrap his head around it but the evidence is finally too conclusive to be ignored. He could try and convince himself that he imagined the whole ordeal, but he remembers the pain, the feeling of the knife piercing his skin and moving inside of him. That was real. The blood currently straining his clothes are real. The healing had to be real too. He _wishes_ he were crazy but he has seen Castiel talk to people other than himself, Benny and others around Dean have noticed the demon as well so it can’t be all just attributed to wild imagination or dementia.

Tentatively, not really sure of what he wants to accomplish, he whispers, “Castiel?”

Instantaneously there he is, the cute guy in the trench coat, standing in the middle of his studio, as calm as ever, as if nothing’s wrong, as if Dean’s mental stability weren’t crumbling into pieces. A smile adorns his face; he likes being summoned by Dean. To the human’s horror, he realizes Cas must be thinking that Dean is finally coming to terms or welcoming his presence. 

“Yes, Dean?”

Without saying a word, Dean stares at him for five full seconds, then suddenly jumps off the bed and rushes to the bathroom, spilling his guts into the toilet. He hears footsteps following him and when he lifts his gaze he finds Castiel offering him a glass of water. He looks concerned, frowning down at him with worry.

“Are you alright?” he asks rather softly. His behaviour makes it even harder for Dean to accept what is happening, since Castiel doesn’t act at all like Dean would imagine a demon does.

“No, I’m not alright!” Dean exclaims, panicking. “You’re a demon!”

“Oh, we’re still having that conversation…”

“Yes, man! You’re a demon! How’s that possible!? Where did you come from!?”

“From Hell, of course,” he responds like it’s obvious and, well, maybe that wasn’t Dean’s brightest question but he’s hysterical and incapable of coherent thought. Crouching down, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands, Castiel curiously asks, “where are _you_ from, Dean?”

“Lebanon, Kansas,” Dean responds before he knows what he’s doing. He blinks as if coming out of a trance and throws his arms out. “No, hold on, we’re not—we’re not _bonding_. You need to explain yourself!”

“Of course. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Shall I make some tea first?” He then grins at the idea, excited by his own offer. “I rather like tea.”

Castiel leaves the glass of water next to a confused Dean and vanishes into thin air. Dean swallows hard and tries to piece his thoughts together. Should he be afraid? Should he run while Castiel is out of sight? _Can_ he outrun the demon who always seems to know where he is? He doesn’t _feel_ threatened or in danger though, that’s not the source of his panic.

As an afterthought Dean shouts, “I don’t have tea!”

He washes his mouth with water, spitting it hastily into the sink, then scrubs the dry blood off his skin and from underneath his nails before heading back out into the main room, which he finds to be deserted.

Tentatively, he calls his stalker from Hell again. “Castiel?”

“I was just getting tea,” the demon says as he reappears (which makes Dean jump off his skin), this time holding a box of tea.

“Where did you get that from?”

“The store,” Cas responds distractedly, making himself at home as he walks over to Dean’s sad excuse for a kitchen to fill a pot with water. Only then Dean notices there’s a beautiful ceramic teapot by the sink, with intricate details that must have been painted by hand. It’s not his, he doesn’t own anything so fancy, doesn’t even drink tea himself in the first place. 

“How? Did you pay for it? Or that teapot?” Castiel shakes his head and Dean clicks his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest. “So you just _stole_ it?”

Castiel awkwardly averts his eyes and remains silent, obviously not wanting to admit something that might anger the object of his affections.

“You can’t steal stuff, man! If I get caught with stolen shit, it could affect my career!”

Having a record will not automatically unable him to become a firefighter but it'll make it harder to be just about anything at all, employers don't love to hire people with records.

This lesson seems to confuse Castiel. “How else am I supposed to get what I want?”

Dean blinks and runs a hand through his hair; what has his life come to? He’s really got to teach this demon the rules of the human world? He’s got _exams_ coming soon! He doesn’t have time for this. “You work and you get money for it!” Dean yells him, his frustration getting the worst of him.

“Huh… I’ve never worked a day in my life,” Castiel mutters before he starts to prepare tea.

Stressed out of his mind and dizzy, Dean sits on his couch. He takes a look down at himself and jumps back to his feet, taking the bloody shirt off in a hurry. Just looking at it makes his stomach stir threateningly again.

Completely misunderstanding the situation, Castiel abandons whatever he was doing and practically crowds Dean against the wall, getting way too close for comfort. Dean can’t help but squeal inelegantly and stumble backwards until his back hits the wall. He stares back in bewilderment, frozen in shock.

“Oh, are we finally going to consummate our union?” Castiel asks him in a low, grave voice that, surprisingly, _does_ _things_ to Dean. Fuck, it works for him. If only it didn't belong to a demon...

There’s a 180 degree change in the Castiel's eyes and everything about his behaviour. Gone is that naive sweetness, replaced instead by bold confidence and honest desire. He looks at Dean like a lion looks at a lamb, ready to jump him and dig his claws in the meat he wants to taste. Dean feels almost bewitched trapped against the wall with Castiel’s hot breath on his face and their bodies practically pressed up together. He has to admit his pulse accelerates and the heat rises to his cheeks. He’s no prude but it’s been a while since someone was so forward with him and _damn_ the demon’s pretty fucking _sexy_ , probably on purpose to get horny fools like Dean to fall in his deadly trap.

“W—what?” is all he manages to get out gracelessly. 

Castiel bites his lower lip, his eyes ogling Dean’s naked chest shamelessly for a few seconds before his eyes find Dean’s again. “Ever since I laid eyes on you I’ve been waiting for this moment, to put my seed in you and mark you as mine.” 

Dean gulps and blinks, taken aback by the bluntness of Castiel’s words. He’d be lying if he tried to deny the sudden rush of arousal that awakens low in his abdomen. He's a whore for dirty talk.

The demon huffs a laugh when he notices Dean’s rosy cheeks and says, “don’t worry, I’ll be gentle… unless you don’t want me to be. Then I’ll give you my all. I want to taste you so bad, Dean. I will—”

“Okay, okay, no, yeah, hold on! We’re not doing _that_ .” Dean interrupts him, finally finding his words and the will to wiggle away from where Castiel has his pinned against the wall before he does something stupid like have sex with a demon who is pushing all the right buttons. The air feels suddenly too thick, the room too small. The surface of his skin is boiling hot—with embarrassment, desire or _both,_ Dean’s not sure and he doesn’t want to find out either. He averts his eyes and clears his throat, practically running to his closet to get a t-shirt because he feels too naked in the demon’s presence. He cracks a window open, welcoming the cool wind that renews the air in his apartment. Trying to think of anything to stir the subject of the conversation away from sex, he asks, “how did I get here anyway? Did you bring me home?”

Thankfully, Castiel accepts the change gracefully instead of pressuring him and continuing to pursue his desires, which is what Dean would have thought a demon would do. He’s relieved to find out Castiel doesn’t seem to be the type to force himself on those he desires, however insistent he might be.

As if nothing had happened, as if Castiel hadn’t been talking dirty to him a second ago, he responds, “I did. You needed to rest.”

“What I need is for you to explain why the hell you’re following me, man. It’s been weeks now.”

“I thought it was quite clear. The witches made a trade with me, prosperity for my saving grace. We’re bound by a blood spell. You belong with me and I belong with you.”

Dean does _not_ like the sound of that.

“What do you mean, I’m your saving grace?”

“It means your love will, let’s say, _cure_ me; it’ll turn me into a human and I’ll finally get my own soul. Afterwards, when I die, I get to go to Heaven with you. Isn’t that nice?”

Throwing the shirt over his head, Dean finally faces him again to find Castiel sipping tea in perfect content, making himself at home in Dean’s little one room home.

“Tea?” the demon offers, stretching his hand out to give him a cup, which Dean just takes out of impulse before going back to the couch. The hot porcelain in his hands grounds him to reality and helps him focus. It takes him a second to realize he doesn’t _own_ this cup either; again this is something Castiel brought into Dean’s home, something he _stole._

He makes a mental note to bring that up later, but for now there are more pressing matters to discuss.

Like the fact that he’s just found out Heaven is a thing; that’s somewhat comforting… but then there’s also the matter of being bonded with a _demon_ from _Hell_ who seems to have a crush on him.

“Why would you make that trade, why would you want that?”

“The offering was quite irresistible.”

Dean blushes. “You mean _me_?”

Castiel suddenly goes shy, absolutely shattering Dean’s brain on so many levels. He ducks his head, the smallest of smiles pulling at the corner of his lips, and nods. “Yes, you.” When he meets Dean’s gaze again, the absolute adoration in his blue eyes throws Dean off. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Your beauty puts Adonis himself to shame and, trust me, he was quite fair himself. And your soul, your magnificent soul! So bright, so kind, full of life and passion… I just couldn’t pass the offer.”

Dean is speechless, torn between the whole stress of the situation he’s in and being absolutely unable to process compliments, let alone when they’re so straightforward and intense.

“You don’t even know me,” Dean points out.

Castiel shrugs and takes another sip of tea. “I have time,” he responds. “For now I see your soul and that’s enough. What do you do, Dean Winchester?”

After a short pause in which Dean debates whether to indulge the demon’s question or not, only to decide that he will keep it civil if the demon does (and honestly what other choice does he have?), he answers, “I’m… a student.”

“What do you study?”

“I’m— I wanna be a firefighter.”

“See? You’re a hero,” Castiel says, gesturing with his hand towards him. 

Dean fidgets on his spot, uncomfortable once more with the compliment directed at him. “I wouldn't say that…”

“It’s quite the noble profession.”

“I guess… But, wait, hold up!” Dean clears his throat, averting his eyes because _damn_ Cas is pretty and easy on the eyes, not to mention polite (when he’s not stalking Dean) and constantly showers him with compliments that make his inner software crash. “Just hold up, man, we were talking about _you_. Why would you want to become a human? It sucks.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You can’t disagree, it’s just a _fact_. We have to work, we have to pay for shit. You on the other hand, you can just have anything you want. And—and we get sick, we live short lives, I— how old are you?”

Castiel remains silent for a moment, biting his bottom lip as he thinks. Dean can’t help but follow the movement of the teeth over the plump, rosy lips. They’re dry but full and pink and—

“I can’t quite remember,” the demon responds eventually, bringing Dean back from his thoughts. “A few thousand years, I guess.”

Dean’s jaw drops. “A few—jesus—well, there you go, man. If you become human, you’ll be dead in, what, 60 years? It’s basically suicide. It does not seem like a smart move, if you ask me.”

“Not if I live a life that’s worth the sacrifice,” Castiel wisely retorts with a soft nod of his head.

“Come on, there have to be pros to living in Hell, huh?” Dean tries to argue, desperately trying to find a reason to convince Castiel to get the fuck out of his life and return to Hell. “Don’t you have.... like... demon friends or family? A home or something?”

Castiel sighs and moves to sit next to Dean. The human shifts to the other end of the couch, away from him, as discreetly as possible.

“I do but the truth is, I’ve never quite fitted there. Hell is a place of death. My powers specialize in prosperity. I tried to create things in Hell but everything turns so destructive there, or it’s unable to prosper in such hostile conditions. I’ve always rather liked Earth. It’s full of life, my creations bloom beautifully here. I used to come much often, you know? I would make trades with you humans, for my services and favors, but you’ve changed. When Christianity took over, you branded us old gods as demons and killed anyone who would still worship or summon us. We became forbidden and with time you forgot about us.”

Dean can’t help but say, “isn’t that a good thing though? Demons are bad, man.” 

“Now that’s not fair,” Castiel responds, frowning at his beloved, personally offended by that statement. “Are all _humans_ good? Are you not all capable of kindness _and_ evil as well?”

“Yeah but we don’t kill babies and stuff.”

The demon raises an eyebrow almost challengingly and argues, “some humans do while some demons don’t. _I_ don’t.”

“But you hurt people,” Dean insists, maybe recklessly but he’s never been one to hold back on his opinion. “You electrocuted my professor, for starters. Don’t even wanna ask what you did to the poor bastard who stabbed me.”

Once again Castiel averts his eyes when he gets called out for doing something Dean disapproves of. It’s like it pains him to disappoint and Dean notices it, making a mental note of it. If Cas is a demon, if an evil force has been unleashed on this planet and Bela and her friends are not going to do anything about it, the responsibility will end up falling in his lap as he’s the only other person who knows what Castiel really is. Perhaps if they’re really as strongly bonded as Castiel says they are, Dean can keep him from harming people. Maybe the demon will listen to him.

“Well, yes…” Castiel clears his throat, choosing not to comment on the guys that attacked Dean. “But your professor is fine, isn’t he?”

“Not the point, man. It’s bad to hurt people, even when they’re mean to me or to you. Except, you know, if they’re truly threatening someone’s life or something. You get the gist.”

“So what you’re saying is if I want to stay I need to be good?”

“Yes. Wait, no! _No!_ That is _not_ what I’m saying,” Dean corrects himself quickly. The conversation isn’t quite going the way he wants it, he’s supposed to be dissuading Castiel from staying, not giving him tips on how to fit in. “What I’m saying is you belong in Hell. You—you have powers. Aren’t you going to lose your powers if you become human?”

“For the most part, yes,” Castiel admits and _finally_ Dean has found something that seems to weigh on the demon, who appears to be crestfallen at the mention of the loss of his powers. Almost scared, really. But then again he gives Dean that shy smile of his that looks freakishly human and vulnerable, and says, “but I am sure your love will be worth the sacrifice.”

Dean sighs, partly pitying Castiel; of all the humans out there he got bamboozled by Bela and her friends into being bonded to him and for some reason he is blindly going through with the deal. Dean Winchester is not a fair trade for unmeasurable power. “Man, you’re _really_ overrating me. You don’t wanna stay here, tied down to me, trust me.”

“Oh, I think I do.”

“But you could have anyone else. I’m—I’m pretty broke, I have like 300 dollars in my bank account right now, it’s kinda—it’s scary. And I am messy and I eat like shit, I’m probably gonna die young. And my family doesn’t know I’m bi, my mum wants grandkids too, we can’t disappoint my mom, can we? I don’t think she’d mind me adopting, though… But I snore! Dude, I snore _so_ loud, and I kick at night. And I’m frankly a dumbass, I’m trash, I know nothing about anything. I spent my entire life thinking people in Brazil speak Spanish and I have no idea how to convert inches into centimeters and I don't understand how the taxes on my credit card work and at this point I'm just too afraid to ask, I just pay as soon as possible. My brother’s the smart one—but don’t go after him either, he’s—he’s taken. I’m also very immature, I don’t express my feelings well at all, you never know what the deal is with me, it’s so frustrating, everybody says so. I think it’d be much better if you get yourself a partner elsewhere, like in Europe. They have free health care there, you know? And better labor laws. People are more educated there—I mean, not that I've ever been but that's what everyone says. Point is, literally _anyone_ is probably better than me. You’ll be _much_ happier in Europe, Cas. You should settle in like a nice island in Spain or something…”

“I appreciate your concern, Dean, but I’ve made up my mind. I believe you grossly underestimate yourself.”

Far from taking the hint that Dean doesn’t _want_ him there, Cas seems flattered that Dean is worried about the choice he is making. Dean just doesn’t know how to ask Castiel to just _leave_ already and never come back without risking making the demon angry. He wants Cas to be in good spirits, for his own sake and for that of everyone else in the world who could be hurt by the demon.

“You’ve had quite the day, I think you should better rest now, Dean.”

Castiel takes the cup of tea from his hands and leads Dean to bed. Still somewhat in shock, Dean goes willingly, not fighting it at all when Cas puts the covers over him and turns the lights off. Despite all odds, Dean succumbs to mental exhaustion faster than he would have imagined possible. He’s just somewhat resigned with the situation, a part of him still trying to convince him that he’s imagining all of this. He prays that he’ll wake up and this would have all been a fever dream or a very bizarre drunken hallucination but when he opens his eyes in the morning Castiel is there on his couch, sipping tea as he stares out the window peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I moved from Argentina to Canada and I'm baffled by the amount of people who think Brazilians speak Spanish. At work whenever we have to deal with Brazil they'll ask me and I'm like ????? I speak Spanish??? They speak Portuguese????? They're sort of similar but still not the same???? But I don't have the heart to point it out cause I don't want them to feel silly so I deal with it anyway. Thank you google translator for saving the day when that happens.  
> But oh well we are all ignorant in something. I legit don't understand how the taxes on my credit card work, it makes no sense.


	4. FIRST LAID RULES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Destiel is cannon in Spanish, what a time to be bilingual, huh?
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments by the way, they are the highlight of my day!

The night after the stabbing, Dean heads to the church first thing in the morning. It’s the earliest he’s even woken up but trust Castiel to give him enough anxiety that he’s out of bed before 7 am, something he hasn’t done in _years,_ not even during finals season. He has a brief conversation with the priest there, who seems to think he’s mad when he asks the guy how to get rid of a demon. Dean thinks it’s pretty rich coming from a guy that makes religion his entire life. If someone ought to believe him, it should be this guy but he just keeps asking Dean if he’s drunk.

He then goes to class because he has to, because what the hell else is he supposed to do? In the hallways he spots Becky and rather aggressively yells her name; if someone can help him get rid of the demon, it’s got to be one of the girls who summoned it. Unfortunately, she startles, drops her books and flees the scene right away. He tries to follow her but she disappears in a sea of students marching to their respective classrooms.

After class, he finds Castiel once again waiting for him outside the classroom. Dean takes the bouquet of flowers without saying a word, completely ignoring Benny when he asks him a little more seriously this time if Castiel is his boyfriend or something, and heads straight towards his brother’s apartment. Sam is the smartest person Dean knows and the one he trusts the most, if someone can help him it’s got to be him. He also studied Latin during his first years of college so that will come in handy to cast the spell needed to send Castiel back to whatever abyss he crawled out of. On his way, Dean leaves what in retrospect must be a rather alarming message in his voicemail…

_Hey, Sammy, it’s Dean. I’m coming over. Something happened and I need help. I’m okay but I don’t know what else to do. I’m coming over. Please be there, man. I need your help._

Sam tries to call him back almost right away, leaving half a dozen missed calls that Dean ignores in favour of concentrating on the road to get to his destination faster. He’s rattled enough as it is, the last thing he needs is to crash his precious car.

His brother is not there when Dean arrives but he only has to wait about 15 minutes before Sam appears dashing up the stairs of the building, panting so hard he can’t speak for a full minute while he recovers. Just by the look in his eyes Dean can tell he’s pissed that Dean isn’t dying or something similar.

“What… the hell… Dean…”

“Is Eileen coming home soon?” Sam shakes his head. “Good. Come on, let me in, we need to talk.”

Still busy catching his breath, Sam opens the door for him and Dean marches into his old apartment. He paces around the room anxiously, biting his nails, while Sam sits on the couch and gives him his trademark bitch face.

“Spill the beans, Dean,” he growls impatiently. “I just walked out of a class for you. You had me worried sick, this better be good.”

Dean’s trying to come up with a good way to explain the situation but there honestly is none so he just gets straight to the point, hoping that his brother will interpret his anxious body language as him telling the truth instead of thinking Dean’s pulling his leg.

“I got married to a demon by accident. It wasn’t my fault though. Bela and her friends did this spell, kind of like a sacrifice but it sorta backfired on them and so I—”

Sam grabs the nearest pillow and throws it straight at Dean’s head, way too aggressively. It hits him right in the face.

“Ouch, dude, what the hell!”

Angrily, he throws the pillow back at his brother who catches it in his hands effortlessly.

“Dean, I have midterms coming up and that class was really important! I don’t have time for your shenanigans!”

“I’m not lying!” Dean swears desperately, striding over to where his brother’s sitting. He needs Sam to get with the program and help him, and he knows there’s just one way to get to him quickly. “Castiel! Cas, show yourself man.”

“Stop b—”

“Yes, Dean?”

And there he is, his unwanted husband in a trench coat, diligently showing up when Dean calls him. He casually stands with his hands on his pockets in the archway leading to the kitchen, eyeing them patiently like he’s got nothing better to do with his time, nowhere else to be but where Dean is. And, honestly, Dean wonders what the hell the demon does when he’s not stalking him, it worries him that this potential force of evil is loose on the world.

Sam jumps off the couch when the stranger suddenly appears in his home.

“How— Dean, this isn’t funny, you let a stranger into the apartment?”

“No, man, I came in with you, remember?” Dean reminds him. He then turns towards Castiel, knowing that the best way to get through to Sam is to shatter all doubts as soon as possible, to get to where Dean needs him to be. He can’t wait days like it took him to accept the truth of what Castiel is. “Cas, can you do something… weird? Please?”

“You want me to show your brother I’m a demon?” Cas checks to make sure he understands, to which Dean nods. Cas nods solemnly, stretches his hand in Sam’s direction and smiles, pleased with himself when a small flame erupts from his hand. The demon moves his fingers around, playing with the fire.

Sam seems to be confused, a little surprised and still pissed off, but not convinced. Not at all amused by the stranger’s magic tricks, he once more turns towards his brother with a frown on his face. “Dean, I don’t know what you’re playing at here but I don’t have the time—”

His hands flying to his head, Dean exclaims, “how do you not believe me! He’s _making fire_ , Sam!”

“I’ll admit that’s a good trick but—”

Castiel holds a hand up and says, “if you will allow me…”

He then goes into the kitchen and opens a few drawers until he finds the biggest cooking knife Sam’s got. Sam’s eyes go wide and he gives his brother this look that screams _who the fuck did you bring into my house._ Dean jumps in front of his brother right away, holding his hands up in fear for both of them.

“Wow, hold up there, buddy, no need to get physical.”

But instead of attempting to attack the boys, Cas buries the knife in his stomach without even flinching, without letting out so much as a tiny sound of discomfort. He simply stared down at himself, watching the knife disappear through him. The two brothers gasp in horror and start panicking, especially Sam who instantly rushes towards the phone. Dean watches, frozen, as the demon takes the knife back out of himself. Nothing happens, there’s no blood in the knife or coming out of him, no injury. Hell, not even his shirt is ripped.

Dean comes to when he hears Sam asking for an ambulance. He runs to Sam and takes the phone from him, fighting it out of his hands to hang up.

“Stop, Sam! Look! Look, he’s fine! He’s fine!”

Dean grabs his brother’s face in his hand and forcefully makes him turn around. Cas holds his hands out, proud of not bleeding to death, showing Dean’s brother that nothing happened to him. 

“I’m okay,” Castiel assures him.

Sam’s mouth moves but nothing comes out. He frowns, a dozen different emotions flashing in his eyes. His eyes quickly jump from the knife to Castiel’s stomach, then his face, then loops between the three over and over again. Dean takes that opportunity to grab the phone and hang up.

“How—how’s that possible? The knife, I _saw_ the knife…”

“I _told_ you, he’s a demon!” Dean insists, shaking his brother’s shoulders.

“It’s true, I’m a demon,” Castiel agrees, nodding calmly. Sensing the brothers’ nervousness, he puts the knife down on the nearest surface. Gesturing towards the kitchen, he asks, “should I make tea, Dean?”

Dean does a double take on him, completely taken aback by Castiel’s polite offer. “What? No! What’s with you and tea? Jesus, Cas! Just—just give us some space, alright? I need to talk to my brother in private.”

“Of course, Dean. I’ll see you later.”

And with that Castiel disappears and Sam loses his mind. Cas vanished right in front of his eyes, he just cannot deny what is happening anymore. He goes through all the phases of denial and panicking until he finally calms down enough to hear Dean’s story and what his brother has come to ask of him.

“... so I need you to talk to Becky. She knows something, I’m sure she can help me, but she’s terrified of me.”

Sam’s face falls at the thought of having to so much as be in the same room as Becky, the girl who’s had a mad crush on him for ages (it’s borderline obsession). “Oh, no, Dean please don’t make me talk to Becky.”

“I know she’s obsessed with you, man, and that’s _exactly_ why you need to talk to her! I need you to get information from her! She’s gonna wanna talk to you.”

“Maybe we can find out on our own, the library has a lot of books on—”

“Sam, I am _married_ to a demon,” Dean cuts through, huffing and puffing. “I _need_ this information A.S.A.P., I don’t have time for _research_ . I have school and jobs and I am _married_ . To a _demon_ . Is that not clear enough? Not to mention I don’t want you-know-who catching me doing research on how to kill him. Who knows how he’d react. I’ve already tried convincing him to leave but he is dead set on staying. He’s got this weird… _crush_ on me, on my soul.”

Dean can’t believe he has to actually convince his brother to help him, as if dealing with Becky could ever be compared to being forcibly bound to a creature from Hell. She gets weirdly intense around Sam, Dean will grant him that, but he wouldn’t ask if he weren’t desperate.

“Your soul? He can see your soul?”

Dean shrugs and nods a few times. “Apparently?”

Leaning forward with interest, in awe with his curious piece of information, Sam asks, “what does it look like?”

The last shreds of Dean’s patience quickly fade away. “I don’t know, I didn’t ask him, Sam! Can you please focus, man?”

Eventually Sam sighs and agrees. “Alright, alright… I’ll see what I can get out of her… But I’m _not_ cheating on Eileen to get to her, is that understood?”

Dean throws his arms around his brother. Finally he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, he has faith in Sam. “Thanks, man!”

“You owe me _so_ big, Dean… I _told_ you Bela was trouble!”

“The sex was good though,” he retorts with a nervous smirk. His brother glares at him, setting his jaw; he’s had it with Dean’s immaturity. Dean throws his hands up in surrender and says, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I promise I’ve learned my lesson.”

“What are you going to do about him while I do my research?”

“What do you mean? Nothing, just stay away from him. He’s a _demon_ , Sam.”

“Exactly, Dean, you can’t just leave him alone, loose in the city, you need to keep an eye on him.”

Dean scoffs, staring at his brother in surprise. “Why the Hell would I do that?”

“Because he seems to listen to you, right? You said so yourself, he has a crush on you or something. Use that to keep him out of trouble.”

Trying to convince his brother, or maybe himself, that that’s not necessary, Dean waves his hand dismissively and says, “it’s okay, he’s probably just drinking tea somewhere.”

“Dean, you have _obviously_ not been reading the news lately, have you? God, why do I even ask? Of course you haven’t.”

Sam walks over to the TV stand and grabs the newspapers he keeps underneath. As he rejoins his brother on the couch, Dean snorts and says, “you buy the newspaper? What are you, 80?”

“It’s important to support local newspapers, Dean.” 

Then Sam starts opening the pages and pointing to weird articles he read during the past few days, all of which now make a little more sense with Castiel’s presence around the area. 

“There have been some bizarre things going on, Dean, it’s not funny. Now some of it makes sense. Two different CEOs this week suffered inexplicable car accidents and are in serious condition. Both of them are responsible for deforestation in the northern area of the state, they’re burning land to make way for livestock. A few farmers woke up to their crops entirely dead overnight, they are blaming environmental groups that made complaints about their practises. They claimed the farmers were using illegal pesticides but haven’t been able to conclusively prove it yet, at least not to take them to court, but you know how those things go.”

“I really don’t, Sam.”

Ignoring him, Sam continues with the list. “There have been reports of wild life here and there doing crazy stuff. It’s been raining for three days in a row in another town where a dam is supposed to be built so they can’t go on with the construction.”

“Okay, so he cares about the environment.”

Dean shrugs but Sam sucks in a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to slap his brother.

“Dean, the town is almost under water. My point is, people are getting hurt. He went after people who pissed you off too, you said so yourself. He’s out there, taking justice into his own hands, and that’s dangerous. That’s not how a civilized society works. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You need to keep an eye on him if you want my help. Deal?”

Knowing there’s no dissuading Sammy, Dean agrees to it and marches home, bracing himself for the inevitable task of babysitting his demon husband. He stands outside his apartment for a moment, fidgeting with his keys. It’s stupid though, he doesn’t even know if Cas will be inside and, if he is, there’s nothing Dean can do to prepare himself for a conversation with him. Everything with Cas is new and surreal and unpredictable. All he’s got to do is make sure he doesn’t piss the demon off or give away any hints that Dean’s trying to get rid of him, just in case that upsets him.

When he enters his apartment he finds it as deserted and deadly silent as ever. Dean closes the door behind him, tosses the key on the coffee table and shrugs his jacket off.

“Castiel?”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas responds as he appears by the window. This time Dean doesn’t flinch when the demon materializes himself.

“Oh… hi… nothing, I just, err, wanted to see what you were up to.”

“I was waiting for you. I was… worried about you,” Cas tells him, sounding truly concerned about his well being. “You were quite distressed at your brother’s. So was him. Is he alright?”

“Sammy? Yeah… yeah, he’s fine. I’m fine. We’re totally fine.”

Castiel nods. After a brief awkward silence, Cas, trying his best to look stoic, asks Dean, “were you upset… because of me? Do I frighten you?” 

Dean feels rather awkward, he doesn’t want to purposely hurt the guy’s feelings but the situation is just too much for him to handle, he can’t afford to worry about a demon’s feelings on top of everything else.

“It’s nothing personal,” he responds, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “it’s just… you’re a demon, Cas. Demons are kinda scary to humans. And you’re… you’re imposing yourself in my life. I mean, let’s be honest, you made that trade with the gold-diggers but I wasn’t given a choice. I have things to do, I have to study and work. I don’t have time to deal with this.”

Clearly upset by his words but polite enough to take them like a gentleman, Castiel only nods to himself, lost in thought, and buries his hands in his pockets. His resemblance to a kicked puppy is uncanny. 

“I understand, Dean… Don’t worry, I’ll give you some space—”

Before Cas can disappear off to who knows where, Dean lurches forward to stop him. He has a deal to keep with his brother. “Wait, hold on a second! Where are you going? What do you do when you’re not…. well, around me?”

The way Cas averts his eyes and shrugs reminds Dean of a kid lying to cover up something they broke. “Nowhere important.”

“Don’t lie to me, Castiel. Listen, if you wanna stick around we’ve got to set some ground rules, alright? First of all, no more watching me sleep.”

Castiel’s face falls and he clicks his tongue in protest right away. “But you look so—”

“No, no, no, dude, it’s weird! Secondly, no more hurting people. In fact, you should just stay here, alright? Just—just hang out here where…” _where I know you can’t hurt anybody…_ “where you’ll be safe until I… until we figure this out. You wanna be human? Act like one. And that means no more stealing either. If you want tea, I’ll get you tea, we’ll pay for it. You gotta give back that fancy teapot though.”

The demon, this ancient being of unknown mighty powers, _pouts._ “The teacups too?”

“Yup, everything you took without paying.”

Castiel sighs and pulls his lips into a thin line. Dean can tell he’d like to say something else but in the end he doesn’t argue with Dean. He accepts the rules, taking the win where he can; at least he’s allowed to stay.

“Okay,” he agrees begrudgingly, “but can we go to the store now? We’re out of tea.”

Dean tips his head back and sighs, running a hand down his face. “Lord, give me strength,” he mutters under his breath before he turns on his heels and heads back to the door. “Fine, come on, let’s go. But we gotta be quick, I’ve got to study.”

The moment Dean opens the door he finds himself face to face with Castiel waiting on the other side. He startles and jumps backwards, holding a hand to his chest.

“Dude, _walk_! No more appearing around the place.”

Following after him with a concerned frown in his face, Castiel asks, “including stairs?”

“Yes, including stairs,” Dean responds, trying hard not to lose his cool with a demon.

“You live on the fourth floor,” Castiel points out. Just the thought of walking up and down the set of stairs seems to exhaust him.

“Don’t I know…”

From behind him, Dean hears him make this throaty sound of discontent but that’s as far as Cas pushes the subject. When they finally get to the bottom of the stairs, Cas asks with a tiny, hopeful smile, “what do I get in return?”

“Don’t push it, Hellboy. You get to stay and you get tea for today, alright?”

What should be a quick and easy trip to the store around the corner turns into a hunt for the perfect tea Cas wants. He doesn’t just want _any_ tea, he wants one specific brand and it’s got to be chamomile. He says he knows where to get it, the problem is the store he usually gets it from is two cities over. Castiel is picky with tea which infuriates Dean because he is sure they don’t even have tea in Hell so why can’t he just settle with any brand that sells chamomile tea? They’ve got to be all the same, except they’re not, according to Cas, and he wants that one brand that he knows makes the tea with care and love and using the right ingredients and respecting the land the right way. In the third store they visit, they fight the brand he likes but they’re out of chamomile. Dean tries to convince him to take any other flavour, but Cas just stands there with a sad puppy face that says _are you really going to make me do that?_ , as if it were a big deal. In the end he figures that since he wants the demon on his good side, as he plans to ask him to stay locked down in the apartment for who knows how long before Sam gets the right spell to send him back to Hell, he will indulge this stupid request of his and so they visit three more stores before they _finally_ find Castiel’s goddamn tea. However, he doesn’t budge when Castiel asks him to buy a teapot or plants to decorate the house. 

“That plant is 45 dollars, Cas, no way, man. I can’t spare 45 dollars on a _plant._ I don't even spend that much on jeans.”

“It’s a precious, living thing, Dean. It's priceless,”

“I swear to God—it’s the tea or the plant, pick one.”

“What about that thing instead, then?”

He points to a seed paper sprouter kit and Dean leans in to see the prize; 5 dollars. Just to shut him up, Dean agrees to it, muttering curses under his breath as he rather aggressively grabs one of the little kits from the shelf. Castiel follows him around closely, a single step of distance separating them even though Dean has asked him many times to step back from his personal space. Castiel always complied with his request but it was never long before he was back at Dean’s side, like his shadow. Whether he is doing it on purpose or not, Dean still isn’t sure.

Cas complains the entire way up the stairs to Dean’s apartment. Dean’s temple throbs. He thinks that at this rate, he’ll die of a stress induced heart attack faster than he’d ever imagined. He tosses his jacket and the keys on the coffee table, kicks his shoes off and dives head first into the bed. From the corner of his eyes, he watches Castiel open his seed kit which is basically a little paper pot that already has soil on it. He grabs the package with the seeds, rips it open and makes a small hole for them in the soil. With a smile on his face and immeasurable tenderness, he covers the seeds again and walks over to the sink to water the pot ever so slightly. He then walks over to the window to place the pot on the windowsill, where the sun shines upon it. Cas crouches down in front of it and starts whispering things to it, speaking a language Dean cannot understand, doesn’t even recognize. Dean has a flashback of when he was a child, just about 5 or 6, and he gardened with his mom in their backyard. He’d crouch down in front of the even soil after planting the seeds, much like Castiel is right know, waiting for the plants to grow as if they would germinate and bloom right away, like in the Japanese movie, Totoro. In the back of his mind, behind the pile of annoyance clouding everything else, he cannot help but find Castiel’s behaviour somewhat endearing. Amazingly though, little by little, a small sprout does begin to break through the dirt, encouraged by Castiel’s tender words.

“Wow, what the—”

Dean gets up from his bed and walks over to the demon, crouching down next to him. Cas looks over at him with this radiant and happy expression in his face that seems all too human, all to… well, _beautiful_. His hands cup the little pot gently, almost lovingly.

“Isn’t life marvellous, Dean?” he whispers.

The plant continues to grow, slowly but steadily, powered by the demon’s magic. Dean is puzzled and torn about the whole situation; this thing that can cause storms and disasters and tragedy and pain finds himself amazed by a little oregano plant sprouting, the green leaves unfolding and stretching before their eyes. There’s beauty in his innocence, in the way that caring for this tiny life form gives Castiel so much pleasure, and there’s no malice in his eyes, no hidden intentions. As the silence between them stretches, Cas’ smile grows wider. In that moment Dean finds that, for better or for worse, he is no longer scared of Cas.

Dean straightens himself, suddenly realizing he’s too close to Cas, too friendly. “I, hmm… gotta get back to studying.”

“Can I help?”

Dean considers the offer for a moment, then nods. If he keeps Cas busy, at least he won’t be a distraction. “Sure, why the hell not?” 

Castiel makes tea, complaining more than once for the lack of a teapot, then they sit together on the couch. They actually spend a decent amount of time studying, with Cas quizzing him on the techniques of crime scene documentation and investigation, related to fire and explosion scenes. Castiel asks questions, Dean responds, Cas praises him when he gets something right and patiently reads to him the right answer when he gets wrong. The whole thing is strangely _normal_. Almost as if to balance things out though, when Dean offers him dinner, the demon informs him that he doesn’t need to eat; he only ever does it when presented with something truly irresistible. Dean figures it works in his favour; one less mouth to feed while he’s stuck with the demon.

It’s oddly easy to hang out with Castiel that evening which really helps Dean’s anxiety levels. He’s not unpleasant, narcissistic or mean like Dean would have expected a demon to be but approachable and really easy to talk to (despite all the movie references he doesn’t get and the way sarcasm and irony sometimes go over his head). He is easily entertained, content to let Dean tell him about anything he wants; how school is going, what his routine is going to be like the rest of the week, where he’s planning to apply for a job when he’s done, his desire to get out of that shitty studio apartment. Castiel is fascinated by Dean and, in return, Dean can’t understand how someone, _anyone_ , let alone with deity, can find him so interesting. All in all, spending time with Cas is not nearly as insufferable as Dean would have imagined; it’s only as annoying or inconvenient as when a friend overstays their welcome.

When night time comes, Dean offers to improvise a bed on the couch but Cas weirds Dean out one last time that day by telling him he doesn’t sleep. 

“Of course you don’t… Well, what are you gonna do all night?” A thought occurs to Cas in response, his face lighting up. Before he can utter a single word, Dean throws a hand out and exclaims, “don’t say watching me sleep! You know what? Here, let me introduce you to the wonders of Netflix.”

Dean grabs his laptop, a precarious piece of technology that threatens to quit on Dean every now and then, and sits next to the demon on the couch. He turns it on, waits a million years before it starts, then opens Netflix and starts to quickly explain what it is and how to use it. Cas is at a loss for what kind of movie he should choose so he asks Dean, who falls down in a rabbit hole of movies he wants to show the demon. There’s just something exciting about showing someone who’s never seen _any_ movies all his favourite ones.

“Oh, look, Indiana Jones! _Definitely_ yes. Star Wars—wait, no, I wanna watch those too. Harry Potter… that will keep you busy for a while. Lord of the Rings… See this list, literally where it says _my list_? These are the ones you should watch. Do they have westerns? Hmm, dammit, they don’t have Tombstone. I’ll have to get it somewhere else for you. Back to the Future, yes. Is Games of Thrones—oh, no, that’s HBO. The Shining! Rear Window, fuck yeah. You’re gonna love James Steward, who doesn’t...”

Dean gets so excited going through the movies, he ends up going to bed a little late. The last thing he sees when he closes his eyes is Castiel on the couch, sitting rather rigidly with Dean’s headphones on, the light of the screen shining in his symmetric face.

The next day in class he’s distracted, listing in his head all the things he wants to show the demon before he inevitably gets sent back to Hell, where he belongs, whether he likes it or not. There’s music, food, TV shows, places—everything is new for him. The truth is Dean can’t help feeling kind of bad for plotting against him behind his back when Cas, however unwelcome his presence might be, saved his life just days before, so he wants to at least show Castiel a good time during what the human hopes will be a short stay on Earth. Then maybe it won’t weigh so heavy on Dean’s conscience to doom this bizarre deity back to eternal damnation.

When he returns home from work he’s pleased to find Castiel patiently waiting for his return. He’s right where Dean left him on the couch with the computer in his lap but he’s no longer watching movies; Cas has discovered the power of Google and its endless possibilities and has spent the last five fucking hours, according to him, reading up on sustainable urban agriculture. To say he’s fascinated by it is an understatement; he won’t shut up about it. His face lights up as he shares with Dean every single utterly boring thing he discovered on the subject and while Dean’s not interested at all, he doesn’t have the heart to shut him up. Dean lets him talk about it while he makes dinner, although he interrupts him from time to time to remind him to take a step back instead of constantly breathing down Dean’s neck.

As casually as possible, he asks, “so you stayed inside all day?”

Castiel shrugs as he leans against the counter, hands on the pockets of his coat. “You asked me too.”

“Thanks, man, I… I appreciate that.” 

It almost paints him to acknowledge Cas did good but he can’t deny it. He’s followed Dean’s every rule, every request, to a tee. Dean feels almost stupid for ever thinking Castiel was going to start the apocalypse or force himself into Dean or sacrifice a bunch of people to raise raise an army of fellow demons or _something_. All he wants is time with his little oregano plant, which is thriving, and to read articles on sustainable farming. The more time he spends with him, the more it weighs on Dean what Castiel explained before, that he used to be considered a god, not a demon… which sucks, because Dean plans to exorcise his ass back to Hell. The guilt starts to crawl up the back of his mind and that’s not good, not at all.

“You’re welcome, Dean.”

Cas’ tone is genuine, lacking any trace of resentment despite being asked to lock himself up on his own all day in front of a screen instead of exploring a world he adores.

It’s his treacherous conscience that tells Dean to be nice while he can, almost as if there was an actual way to make up for what he’s going to do to Castiel, so against his better judgement he finds himself making offerings he’d be better off not committing too. He’s fraternizing with the enemy, basically. “I don’t have to work tomorrow,” the words come out of his mouth before he can stop himself, “so if you let me study in the morning, we can have a Star Wars marathon in the afternoon, whatcha think?”

“I have no idea what that is but whatever pleases you is fine with me, Dean.”

Castiel eyes him with that lovestruck look of his that is all too weird coming from someone Dean barely knows but he lets it fly. For now, it’s convenient to have the demon wrapped around his little finger.


	5. RELUCTANT FONDNESS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update comes early this week :)  
> Enjoy <3

Sam calls his brother to check up on him, worried that he’s all alone with a demon but it turns out, Dean doesn’t have a half bad time with Castiel. The demon lets Dean study in the morning as per his request, even helps him by quizzing him again which is good because Dean gets distracted very easily when he’s studying by himself. It actually led him to believe for most of his life that he was just stupid, only to find out he  _ can _ actually get decent grades if he finds the right person to study with. Afterwards they walk together to the store to get chocolate ice cream and chips for the movie marathon. Cas is in his best behaviour, he even helps an old lady cross the street and gives her a flower that he produces out of nowhere. She thinks it’s a magic trick and is delighted by the handsome man’s attention. 

“Get a room, you two,” Dean teases him as they walk away. 

“Oh, don’t be jealous. Here, you can have one as well,” Castiel tells him and materializes a rose for him.

“No, I wasn’t—I—thanks, I guess,” he stammers stupidly and grabs the damn flower. 

Dean is surprised to find that hanging out with Castiel is rather easy. The demon still makes him anxious though, both because he is this powerful force that could smite him in the spot and also because he’s a rather handsome dude that insists in standing way too close to him, crowing Dean in his personal space. But Castiel is rather tamed, pleased to just exist in the same room as Dean and watch in interest as his favourite human prepares pancakes for lunch. Dean’s really going out of his way to please Cas and, well, he’s been having a hard time lately, he deserves a break as well. All he’s got to do is pretend Castiel is a friend spending the afternoon with him instead of this deity that insists they are now married.

It’s really not that hard to entertain Castiel. He  _ loves _ Dean’s waffles and makes all kinds of inappropriate happy noises that Dean tries to block out of his mind. He has an endless list of questions— _ how does this work, what is this for, why do humans do this, why do humans do that— _ , all of which Dean patiently responds while he does the dishes, Cas always standing a little too close to him. Then they turn to Netflix for the rest of the day, falling down a rabbit hole of Star Wars. The franchise puzzles the demon but he seems all too glad to have Dean pay attention to him and explain the whole universe to him; it doesn’t matter to Castiel how gross Dean is talking with his mouth full of half-chewed chips or that he uses inelegant words to express himself, he revels in the time they spend together.

On Sunday morning things get just a little awkward when Dean wakes up with a morning wood. Usually he wouldn't mind it, he’d just jack off to take the edge off, but usually he would also not have a demon in his tiny apartment, where there's nos privacy, permanently coexisting with him. He has to will his erection down, all the while pretending to still be sleepy, until he can get out of bed without it being noticeable. He then excuses himself to take a shower, takes care of  _ that _ business, and then watches another movie with Cas; Indiana Jones this time. He has cereal, lazily chewing while he almost dozes off in between scenes where he’s sprawled on the couch next to Cas. It’s a rather pleasant, normal morning, except for the guy in a trench coat sitting stiffly next to him. He spends the rest of the day studying, making cards so Cas can quiz him afterwards. The demon doesn’t bother him, just sits there quietly with the headphones plugged into the computer, listening to a  _ three hours _ long playlist of rock classics Dean’s got on Spotify. Cas concentrates like it’s homework, his way to Dean’s heart. Later that night, Dean leaves for a shift at the restaurant.

“Wait for me here, alright?” he tells the demon who nods and turns towards his oregano plant, which is growing freakishly fast.

“Alright.”

“I’ll be back for dinner. You can eat without me if you get hungry.”

“I don’t need to eat, Dean,” Cas reminds him.

Dean blinks, once again hit by the weirdness of the situation. Without Castiel showing off his powers, he almost forgot who he was really dealing with.

“Right… Hmm… See ya…”

Dean can’t help but worry about Castiel all throughout his shift; what if he gets curious and leaves, what if he gets in trouble? What if Dean just overestimated the power, the influence that he holds over the demon and he’s actually out there somewhere, hurting people? It makes his stomach turn thinking what Castiel could be up to while he’s at work but then he goes home and feels rather stupid when he finds Castiel obsessively researching all the local birds and insects in their area. He’s got over a dozen different tabs opened and he immediately goes off on a rant about all he’s read, all that scientists have learned in the later years, and then he’s begging Dean to let him go for a walk in the park next day. He’s got the enthusiasm of a golden retriever puppy who wants nothing but to chase the birds in the park while Dean keeps expecting him to turn into a murder machine because Dean won’t put out.

“Alright, I’ve got some free time before my shift at the auto shop, we can go for a walk.”

Castiel is radiant with joy. “Thank you!”

“It’s okay…” Dean studies him for a moment, that bright smile that adorns the demon’s face. He looks overjoyed. It’s so weird that it’s not weird at all, that his personality is just so naturally…  _ mellow. _ “You really do like it here, don’t you? Earth, I mean.”

“I do, very much,” he tells Dean, who is now preparing something fast to eat before going to bed.

“Don’t you miss your home though? Don’t you have like a family or something?”

“I do. I have many brothers and sisters.”

Jokingly, Dean asks, “anyone I’d know? Like Zeus or something?”

“Well, Lucifer is the most famous one.”

Dean chokes on a piece of bread and coughs violently over the sink. His eyes water as the food struggles to get down his throat. Castiel gives him a panicked look and then he’s crowding Dean again in the kitchen, two fingers touching his forehead and making the discomfort go away immediately. Dean takes a deep breath in, welcoming the air in his lungs. 

“Cas, we talked about this. Personal space?”

“Sorry,” the demon apologizes as he takes only  _ one  _ step back. That’s all Dean gets. “You were choking.”

“Oh,” is all Dean responds. It occurs to him Castiel has saved his life twice now. “Thanks. So, huh, the devil’s your brother?”

“He is. We don’t get along though.”

“Well,” Dean huffs a laugh, incredibly relieved to hear those words, “can’t say I’m too sorry to hear that, man. It’s good to know you’re, hmm,  _ different _ , I guess.”

Castiel sighs and after a long time, he shrugs. “Being different has always felt like… a burden, to be honest.”

“I think it’s a good thing,” Dean insists. 

Being a demon, a powerful one, he could just have his way with Dean if he wanted to but he doesn’t. He could force Dean to give him all he desires but Castiel wants to gain his affection fair and square, not through magic tricks. So far he hasn’t broken any of Dean’s rules (not that Dean can tell, at least). The unwilling husband kept an eye out for weird news but nothing strange has been reported ever since Dean asked Cas to stay home. Castiel has never been mean or aggressive towards him either. Even though he’s lived for centuries and has a lot more knowledge about a lot of things compared to Dean, he’s never looked down on him or made him feel stupid. He listens to Dean’s concerns and appears to care for his well being and safety. He’s nothing like Dean would have expected a demon to be and while that’s a good thing, it’s also really not because Dean can’t deny the guy is growing on him. At least, he doesn’t hate the demon.

When they go out for a walk the next morning, Dean takes the time to ask Castiel more questions while Cas points out all the different kinds of birds Dean’s never bothered to notice before.

“So you don’t eat. I take it you don’t shower either? I mean, you’ve been wearing the same clothes since we met.”

Dean has noticed, because of how close to him Castiel stands most of the time, that the demon doesn’t smell despite never taking a shower.

“That is right, I don’t need to shower.”

“And you don’t… you don’t bleed, you don’t die?”

“There  _ are _ ways to hurt me but they’re complex. It’s quite hard to make me bleed. A knife wouldn’t do. Time doesn’t affect me either.”

“Do you feel pain?”

Castiel shakes his head. He then spots a bird and grins, pointing at it. “Look, Dean, a cardinal.”

Dean follows his gaze and notices a rather chubby, bright red bird sitting in a branch, frantically looking around. He’d never noticed cardinals in the park before. It’s rather cute but Dean isn’t half excited as Castiel is to walk around, bird-watching. He puts up with it nonetheless; Cas did, after all, watched hours of Star Wars even though he had a really hard time getting half of it, so Dean owes it to him. That and the fact that soon enough Cas won’t be able to do any more bird-watching. Guilt stews inside of Dean; Castiel loves this world so much, it weighs on Dean that he’s going to force him back to Hell. A part of him hopes that Sam will find a way to simply break their bond without having to send Castiel back to where he came from but he also braces himself for making that tough decision, if it comes down to it. He’s got to think about himself, he can’t afford to feel bad about this  _ demon husband. _ He didn’t choose this, after all, Castiel and Bela and her friends made the decision for him.

Back home, Dean makes Cas a copy of his schedule; all his classes, all the shifts he’s got to cover this week, his study sessions with Benny, the plans he made to have dinner with the gang on Thursday night…

“You’re very busy this week,” Cas points out. He doesn’t sound pleased. 

“Yeah, this is my last semester at school. It’s kinda nuts. But, hey we can go for walks, hmm, here and… here and also on the weekend,” he offers, writing down ‘ _ park’ _ on the schedule where he’s got some free time in the morning.

Castiel presses his lips into a thin line and nods,  _ still _ not pleased. Dean worries, wondering if the demon will finally snap and misbehave or make demands on him, but all he does is ask, “can I come with you on Thursday?”

He asks so politely, with such hesitation, like he already knows the answer will most likely say no, that Dean feels genuinely bad for having to reject him.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea, Cas… I… I wouldn’t know how to explain your presence there.”

Cas shrugs like it’s all rather simple and says, “I’m your husband.”

“Yeah, see, no, I can’t say that to my friends.”

The demon tilts his head to the side rather adorably, a puzzled look on his face.

“Why not?”

“Remember what you said before, about people forgetting about the old gods? I can’t just tell them you’re a demon, they won’t believe me. It’s too complicated to explain.”

“I can show them like I showed your brother.”

“That would really freak them out. Just… no… okay?”

Dean braces himself for a temper tantrum of biblical proportions but Castiel simply nods in defeat and averts his eyes. He hates that he feels bad but Cas looks like a crestfallen child who was just told he’s getting no gifts this Christmas even though he’s been really good this year. 

“Hey, I can bring you some books from the library. I mean, I’ve never checked but I bet there are all kinds of books on agriculture and sustainable development. Watcha say, huh?

“Thank you, Dean, I appreciate that,” the demon responds with a rather resigned smile.

Having Cas around is not bad at all. There are telltale signs that he is where he’s supposed to; at home, away from humans he could harm. Either because he’s bored or because he thinks he’ll win Dean’s favour that way ( _ or _ maybe Castiel is just a neat freak), he takes to cleaning to the point that there is really nothing else for Dean to do when he gets home other than make dinner (Cas couldn’t cook to save his life). The floor is spotless, the bathroom is squeaky clean, Dean’s laundry bin is empty and his clothes are nicely folded, the dishes are done and put away. Flowers adorn the house, Cas leaves lavender on his pillow which then smells really nice at night and he makes different bouquets every day. He awkwardly sets them on a pot while complaining that Dean doesn’t have a vase.

Dean makes sure that Cas is entertained while he’s away. He leaves him with a list of movies to watch on Netflix plus the westerns he downloaded (illegally, which yeah it’s hypocritical of him but Cas doesn’t need to know that, he doesn’t understand how Bittorrent works anyway…). During the day, he can see the demon playing music on Spotify. It’s only slightly annoying that Dean can’t use his own account on his phone but he  _ is _ curious to see what Castiel thinks about the music Dean loves so passionately so he’s constantly suggesting songs and bands and asking for his opinion afterwards. When Cas starts crowding Dean’s neatly organized playlist with classical music and opera, Dean has to teach him how to make his own playlists. It’s bizarre though; there is it, in his phone, every day, a proof of the demon’s presence in his life that’s going to stay there past his stay. Dean imagines himself deleting the playlists once Castiel is gone, deleting all evidence of his failed marriage, and it feels… almost cruel.

There are things that suck about coexisting with Castiel, like not having any privacy or feeling like it’s his duty to keep the demon content and distracted, but truth be told it’s not half as hard as Dean would have imagined. Even though he bitches about it, he actually kind of likes to get home, open the door and hear music coming from inside, even if sometimes it’s not the kind he’d normally listen to. He enjoys the change from the typical silence that used to welcome him home. Castiel dances around the tiny room to Dmitri Shostakovich’s Waltz no. 2 with the same enthusiasm Dean feels when he’s got Led Zeppelin obliterating his ears in a road trip. It’s also nice to have someone there to talk to so he doesn’t feel lonely chewing his meals in silence, all alone at home. Dinner is a much more pleasant affair with someone sitting there with him, asking about his day. Studying at home is also easier since he’s got someone using his computer so he can’t get distracted with it himself, and Cas is also always up to quizzing him. The situation is far from ideal but it’s also not nearly as unpleasant as Dean would have imagined.

Because of all of this, because Cas is hard to hate and easy to get along with, it weighs on him when Sam calls him to say he’s finally got a way to get rid of the demon. All Dean needs to do to sneak out to plot against him is tell Cas he’s got a last minute shift to cover at the restaurant and the demon wishes him a good day, obediently staying put inside the tiny apartment without making a fuss about it. Dean kind of wishes he could, he wishes he’d give Dean a bigger reason to want to get rid of him, to hurt him whether it is emotionally or physically.

When Dean gets to Sam’s apartment the first thing his brother does, besides bitching about having to spend time with Becky, is note that she sends him her most sincere apologies and that she says she had made the girls conjure the wrong demon on purpose, knowing Castiel was known in literature for being calm and friendly, easily pleased. Becky thought her sorority sisters couldn’t be stopped, that the only thing she could do was make sure that at least Dean didn’t end up bound to a psycho, to a truly evil being. Since Castiel was supposed to bring prosperity as well, she thought it was a win-win for everybody (or as much as it could be). She had also considered reaching out to Dean to warn him but figured he wouldn’t have believed her; Dean’s got to give it to her, he wouldn’t have.

Then Sam says that with her help they found a way to break the binding spell. At first Dean is relieved because as much as he can stand Cas, he doesn’t want to be forcefully  _ married  _ to the guy, but then Sam proceeds to tell him that the way to do it is by summoning an angel who would shred Castiel into pieces and send whatever remained of him, if anything at all did, back to Hell. The angel would, essentially, most likely kill Castiel…

And Dean can’t help but hesitate.

“There’s… no other way? He  _ has _ to die?”

Sam seems taken aback by his brother’s vacillation. “Dean, he’s a  _ demon _ .”

“I know,” Dean quickly mutters defensively. He chews on his bottom lip, torn inside. “But… but he’s not  _ all _ bad. I don’t know, it seems a bit… drastic.”

Sam studies him carefully, narrowing his eyes at his brother. “Does he have you under a spell or something?”

“No, no, he wouldn't do that,” Dean finds himself saying and believing every word. Cas would never so much as raise a hand at him, he adores Dean for some wild reason Dean cannot even begin to comprehend.

“So, what? You don’t wanna go ahead with this spell?”

Dean shrugs and sighs, melting into the couch. He runs a hand down his face, taking every single factor into consideration. He knows he should go along with it, it’s the best thing to do…  _ for him _ , but… his heart tells him it’s  _ wrong _ , that Castiel doesn’t deserve that fate, that ending. All he wants is to smell flowers and ask Dean about his day and chase bees. He has  _ just _ started reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets after Dean got it for him from the university library, he’s never going to get to The Half Blood Prince in time to read all those juicy details about Voldemort’s past that the movie didn’t cover. And Dean’s going to summon an angel to kill the guy? Who would be the bad, the cruel and heartless one, in that scenario, the demon or Dean?

“I don’t know, man, it doesn’t feel right. Isn’t there a way to just... send him back to Hell without hurting him?”

“Not that we could find. Because you’re bound to each other, if we send him back to Hell without severing your connection, your soul would be doomed to follow him.”

“Yeah, pass.”

Sam huffs a laugh, looking at Dean like he’s lost his mind. He doesn’t get it, he doesn't get it at all, but Dean thinks he doesn’t  _ know _ Castiel, maybe then he’d understand the ethical dilemma Dean’s struggling with. “So… so what? You’re going to stay married to a demon then?”

Hearing the word  _ married _ coming from his brother makes him cringe with repulse but not enough to motivate him to go to  _ any _ lengths to get rid of Castiel.

“I mean… For a while, I suppose…”

His brother shakes his head but doesn’t argue. After a prolonged silence, he sighs. “Alright, I’ll keep digging, I’ll find something else. I just don’t know how long it’ll take me, Dean. Becky said it was hard enough just to find a way to summon Castiel. It’s very old magic and making the proper translations takes a long time. We both have other things to do too. It might be days, weeks, months...”

Dean swallows hard but he knows, deep down, that he’s made up his mind. He’s not going to kill Castiel, he can’t. Maybe it’s the magic that binds them together, maybe it’s just that Castiel does a remarkable job at being, well, sort of cluelessly adorable, but just as the demon won’t hurt him, Dean won’t have him killed for his freedom. 

“Okay, I guess I’ll… deal with him… Just let me know as soon as you find something else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments!


	6. TO BE HUMAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE

“Cas, are you  _ sure _ you wanna stay? With  _ me _ , of all people, here on Earth? Being a human sucks. It’s hot and sweaty and stressful and painful. Are you  _ sure _ ?”

“It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all.”

Dean narrows his eyes at him. “You’ve been listening to The Lumineers, haven’t you?”

Castiel shrugs unapologetically. “I like their music, it makes me…  _ feel _ .”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, they’re good.  _ Anyway _ , not the point. Look, man,” Dean starts, taking a deep breath. He’s thought about this long and hard and if they want to coexist they need to make some changes. “If you’re gonna stay, we’ve gotta lay some ground rules.”

“I thought we already had.”

“Yeah, well, we need an update on our terms and conditions.”

He taps the pen he’s holding on the table and turns it on his fingers, the tip hovering just above the page he’s got open in the back of his notebook. He’s going to be methodical about this, he’s going to make a plan with the demon and follow through with it because he doesn’t know how much longer he can go living cooped up in that little apartment with Castiel, with no privacy at all, not ever. At some point he’s going to want to have people over; friends, family or  _ partners _ , and it’s going to get weird with Cas there. He can’t even masturbate in peace, the only way he gets to have some sort of release is by hiding in the shower. Sure, from time to time that’s fine but he doesn’t like having to hurry every single time, he can’t go on like that forever. If Cas wants to be human, he’s got to learn to be one.

The demon’s face lights up like a Christmas tree at Dean’s proposal and, sitting on the edge of his seat, he asks, “can I fly up the stairs now?”

“No! No, you can’t—wait, you  _ fly _ ?”

“Of course, what did you think I was doing?”

Dean shrugs awkwardly. He just sort of thought Cas popped in and out of existence like wizards  _ apparated  _ in Harry Potter. Unable to resist his curiosity, he leans in and asks, “so you’ve got wings? What colour are they?”

“Black. Everything is so dark in Hell.”

Castiel shifts in his seat, visibly uncomfortable, almost embarrassed by the little titbit he shared with Dean, as if it pained him to have anything in common with Hell and its inhabitants. Before Dean knows what he’s doing, he finds himself reassuring the demon.

“I’m sure they’re nice, Cas. I kinda wish I could see them but, yeah, no flying around. Listen, man, if you wanna be human, you gotta act like one, you gotta get used to  _ being _ one. So that means no flying.” 

Dean writes that down, for good measure, as if seeing it in writing would make it official… as if Castiel could not absolutely disregard Dean’s rules and do as he pleased and force Dean to comply…

“You gotta get a job,” he continues. “For that we’ve got to get you an ID and probably some fake accreditations. An SSN for sure.”

Castiel watches over Dean’s shoulder as the other begins to make a bulleted list.

  * _No flying_


  * ID + accreditations? + SNN — ask Charlie



He doesn’t add  _ no hurting people _ ; he’s confident Castiel has learned the lesson by now.

“What is an SSN?”

“Oh, that’s your social security number.” When Castiel does nothing but stare in confusion, Dean adds, “you’ll need it to get a job and pay taxes and shit. Just trust me on that.”

“And how do I pay taxes?”

Dean whistles and shakes his head, getting stressed just thinking of doing it for himself, let alone have to explain it to another person. “Buddy, that’s a story for another day. Paying taxes is a wild ride, Sam helps me every year cause it stresses the hell out of me. I told ya you should have picked somewhere else to live but hey, you made your choice. We gotta get you a job and when you get one, we’re moving out. I’ll for sure be done with my degree by then. We’re gonna need a two bedroom apartment and I can’t afford that on my own so you’re gonna have to start pulling your weight."

On the list, Dean adds:

  * _Job_


  * New apartment



“I don’t need a bedroom of my own,” Castiel points out casually. “I am okay sharing with you.”

Dean blushes, uncomfortable with the implications of the demon’s words, but he decides to leave that bit of conversation they shouldn’t really avoid anymore for later, after they finish brainstorming what they’re going to need to make this work…  _ or _ until it’s more convenient for Dean who is already stressed enough about finals looming around the corner to add what will certainly be an awkward conversation to the mix. It’s the last time ever, the last set of exams he needs to pass to get his hard-earned degree.

He clears his throat, avoiding the demon’s eyes. “That’s non-negotiable, Cas,” he mutters, continuing quickly before the demon has a change to argue. “You’re gonna need clothes too, you can’t show up to work every day with the same clothes. Even if you don’t  _ need  _ to, I’d suggest you shower, just to start getting used to it. It’s also sort of nice, so, yeah, shower. You can borrow some of my clothes for now. You’re also gonna need a bed, at least for pretending that you sleep if people come over. Is there… is there something else you’d like, something you need?”

“Plants,” Cas immediately beams, practically jumping in his seat. “And vases. And tea.  _ A lot _ of tea. And a teapot. And tea cups.”

Trying hard to be patient, gathering all the self control left in him from the depths of his mind, Dean inhales deeply and keeps his face straight.

“Come on, man, I’m serious, whatcha need?”

Dead serious and weirdly intense, Cas leans forward and reiterates in a low voice, “tea and plants, Dean. Write that down. Now.”

Dean swallows hard, Castiel’s commanding voice causing a shiver to run down his spine for all the wrong reasons, and tears his eyes away from the ones staring into his soul. “Jeez, fine! Tea and plants,” he complains halfheartedly.

  * _Castiel’s wish list: clothes + bed + tea stuff + plants_



“Okay, what else…? Ah, a phone, you’re gonna need a phone.”

Castiel sort of chuckles and lifts an eyebrow, looking at Dean like he’s being silly. “Who am I going to call? I only know you.”

“It’s the 21st century, Cas, you need a phone. To talk to me when I’m out, to ask for an Uber, to call your boss to lie about why you’re late to work—I don’t know, man, for stuff. But that’s gonna have to wait until after you get a job too, I can’t afford a new phone for ya, you’ll have to put my name down in your resume.”

“My what?”

“Your resume. It’s like a summary of your experience and skills and accomplishments. You need it to apply to a job, unless you know someone inside the company who can get you in but since you virtually know nobody, we’re gonna have to make you one. We’re gonna have to lie our asses off cause it looks bad that someone our age has absolutely no experience but let’s just have a real quick discussion about that so I know how to tackle this better. What are your skills, Cas? What are you good at? I please try to keep it human-friendly, we can’t put  _ magic powers _ in your resume.”

He gets ready to write down Castiel’s ideas while the demon takes a moment to think. After a brief pause, he says, “I suppose I am abnormally strong.”

“Okay, so you’d be good at a labour job, I guess… That’d be like the last resort job though, cause honestly it kinda sucks. What else?”

“I can control animals.”

“Cool, so maybe you can work at a vet. That’d be nice, I guess.”

“I speak all languages known to men.”

“What the fuck—  _ really _ ?” 

The genuine look of awe in Dean’s face pleases Castiel, who smiles rather proudly.

“Dude, you should have started with that. You could get some serious money as a translator or interpreter.”

Despite Dean’s excitement, the face Cas pulls is enough to tell him that’s not what the demon wants at all. Castiel simply shrugs, not at all motivated by the prospect of making a lot of money.

“I suppose,” he mutters.

“Okay, so maybe that’ll be your backup… What do  _ you _ wanna do, Cas? What would make you happy? You’re gonna be working 8 hours a day most likely so trust me when I tell you you don’t wanna pick something you hate.”

In retrospect Dean doesn’t know why he asked because it is obvious what Castiel’s answer is going to be. He’s not at all surprised when the other just answers with one word. 

“Plants!” Cas beams, smiling broadly.

“Okay, sure, there are a few things you can do with plants, I guess… Hmm… What’s your experience, Cas?”

“Well, I don’t mean to brag,” he says with the smallest of smirks, “but I have starved entire empires and grew forests overnight back in the day. My powers were stronger then, I have since lost some when humans stopped worshipping me, but I can still control the growth and decay speed of plants. I also know how to care for every single living plant in the world, even the ones you haven’t discovered yet. I can control the weather too, although it tires me. I have designed and created  _ many _ plants all on my own. Who do you think came up with watermelons, Dean? Certainly not  _ God _ .”

Cas chuckles under his breath and shakes his head to himself, amused by something Dean cannot possibly understand while Dean stares with his mouth open. He had almost,  _ almost _ , managed to feel normal around the demon but now his brain is having trouble processing what he’s just heard.

“I’m sorry, you—you  _ invented _ watermelons?”

Bowing his head ever so slightly, Cas responds, “you’re welcome.”

“I—”

He looks down at his list, pen hovering over the paper. Dean’s brain short circuits. Try as he may, he has trouble summarizing the information. How can he possibly fit that into a CV? After a pause, he writes:

_ Strength _

_ Dr Dolittle powers _

_ Languages _

As an afterthought, Dean blurts out, “Jesus, God is  _ real _ ?” Cas nods, which blows Dean’s mind, and he then asks, “what’s he like?”

Without beating around the bush, being as honest as ever with Dean, he says, “he is quite the narcissistic megalomaniac which is why at some point he decided to get rid of us minor gods and become the one and only true God himself. He couldn’t bear sharing the spotlight anymore.”

“O...Okay…”

Dean takes a minute, blinking a few times as he stares at the list. The whole ridiculousness of the situation dawns on him, partially preventing him from forming a coherent thought. He is making a list of a demon’s skills to get him a  _ job _ . To make a fake CV for him to get him his first job so he can buy tea and split the rent with Dean.

“Jesus—” he mutters under his breath, overwhelmed by the absurdity that has become his life.

“So what do you think I could do?” Castiel asks him like nothing’s happened, like Dean hasn’t just been given confirmation that God is real and he sounds like a dick. A part of Dean wants to ask more on that matter but another part would honestly rather not know. Sometimes, the less he knows the better, the easiest it is to come to terms with the fact that a demon is probably going to be stuck there with him for a while. For his own sake, he needs to see Cas as a person and not a deity, otherwise Dean will never stop being uncomfortable or defensive in his presence.

Sam, however, would have a field day with Castiel, he would harass him with questions until he squeezed every tiny, juicy bit of knowledge that Castiel has gathered throughout the centuries out of him.

Trying to clear his mind and concentrate on the matter at hand, he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, pushes God and mentions of fallen empires to the back of his mind, and exhales slowly.

“Right,” he says to himself as he opens his eyes again, “what could you do…? Hmm… Well, you could work at a grocery or flower shop, for starters. That’s easy. Or making flower arrangements for weddings, those pay a ton... I bet there’s got to be some jobs where you can work growing plants too. A farm wouldn’t make sense, they’re too far and we’re  _ not _ moving out of town. You dig urban agriculture so there you go, maybe you can do something there, like in… in a greenhouse? Or with pest control? I don’t know, man, I don’t know much about this field. Guess you could be a professor too but I think it’d be really hard to fake the sort of accreditations they would ask you to have. And you have zero research done to your name, so... Better not think about that for now. Could you be a field biologist or something like that?”

“Would that mean I would have to be away for work?”

Dean nods. “Probably.”

“Then no. I need to be here, where we can strengthen our bond.”

Dean decidedly ignores that comment and stores it away to deal with it later because he just doesn’t have the mental capacity to handle it at the moment. Finding out that Hell, Heaven and God are real, all within a few days, has been stressful enough. He sort of wants Cas to ask him if cheating on his girlfriend, running a few red lights or being a downright  _ asshole _ during high school is enough to send him to Hell but he’s honestly too scared to ask at this point.

“K…” he mutters anxiously, ungracefully moving on from that. “Well, I say let’s get you into something simple first. I think you’d be fine at a flower shop, think you’d like that. Your social skills are shit, no offence, but you’re enthusiastic enough about flowers to pull it off. Just don’t mention anything weird.”

“Like what?”

Dean narrows his eyes at him but Cas stares back at him innocently, as if he’s got no idea what Dean’s talking about. It takes him a second to realize Castiel is not, in fact, kidding, he’s legitimately asking. In the back of his mind, Dean hears his patience taking its last dying breaths and crumbling into nothingness. 

“Like you’re a  _ demon _ , Cas, or that you created watermelons. Just—every time you’re about to say something, ask yourself this; would a human say that? If the answer is no, don’t say it. Okay?”

Castiel nods solemnly, a serious air about him. He’s carefully storing every single word of advice Dean has to provide. Dean sort of appreciates his good predisposition, the way he goes along with Dean’s plan without much of a fuss. Cas pays attention to him like he knows what he’s doing and Dean kind of feels bad for the poor bastard because the truth is Dean’s got no idea what’s happening, what’s  _ gonna _ happen and how to reach any kind of normalcy once again in his life. Oh, how he longs for the days when all he had to stress about was the amount of money in his bank account and his ever growing debts. 

“I’ll keep an eye out for jobs in greenhouses too. We can work on a career path for you later, when you have a better idea what you’d like to do. Before doing your CV though we’re gonna pay Charlie a little bit.”

“Who is Charlie?”

“She’s my best friend so be nice.”

Dean drives them to school but he leads Cas into a whole different building, far from where he usually takes his classes. The faculty of Computer science is a place Dean is familiar with. He spent months studying there with her, back in the day when they shared core science courses. Charlie did not need any help studying, she could have aced those exams by just attending class, but Dean bribed her with pie and with time they became friends. They just liked to hang out together so they would always study as a group when exams were looming around the corner. Dean needed the help, she just liked the company. Charlie was light-years beyond what professors could teach her, the only reason why she was going to school was because she needed a degree to put in her CV and her parents would know if she forged one, which she could because, honestly, Dean’s not sure what she  _ can’t _ do with a computer. After they passed those courses, Dean kept studying with Charlie even though they focused on different things. He appreciates the quiet office space she was given when she became a teaching assistant, he can concentrate there a lot better than back alone at home. There are so many graduate students in her program but she was one of the few to actually get an office space. Dean suspects it’s because her supervisor is desperate to keep her, the pride of the faculty, around and happy for as long as possible. If only they knew the things Charlie is up to in that office…

Just as the pair is about to reach the end of the hallway, with Charlie’s office being the last room to the left, Dean puts a hand on Cas’ chest and whispers, “wait, wait, wait, I’ve got an idea.”

He realizes what he’s got in mind is, well, kind of  _ mean _ , too mischievous, but he cannot help himself, he’s got to do this. It’s probably the only time he’s going to get to enjoy this whole demon thing.

Castiel turns towards him with a questioning look. Dean can barely contain a giggle.

“You’re gonna go inside,” he whispers, “and you’re gonna ask her if she’s ever seen a ghost. She’s gonna say no, I know cause I’ve asked her before. Then, you’re gonna grab your coat and do a sort of dramatic flip with it, kinda like Batman style, and you’re gonna say ‘you have now’, then you disappear.”

Tilting his head to the side with his eyebrows pulled together in confusion, Castiel asks, “what is a Batman?”

Dean feels stupid for forgetting who he was dealing with and sighs. “Never mind, just disappear.”

“So you want me to fly?”

“Aha.”

“But you told me no more flying.”

“I know but this is an exception, for a prank.”

It’s Castiel’s time to exhale with annoyance. “You made me walk 8 sets of stairs in total today, Dean, plus what is waiting for us to go home, but  _ now _ you are okay with me flying?”

“If you do this one thing for me I’ll let you fly up the stairs when we go back to my apartment but that’s the last time for real.”

“Deal,” Castiel agrees right away, delighted.

Dean waits near the door, keeping close to the wall to conceal himself, while Castiel marches through the open door of Charlie's office. From the hallway, he can hear them perfectly fine.

“Hello,” Castiel introduces himself with that weirdly robot tone of his, “are you Charlie?”

“Hmm, yeah,” Dean hears her respond with a bit of hesitation. “And you are...?”

“I’m Castiel, Dean’s husband.”

There’s a brief silence during which Dean fights the visceral reaction that wants him to step into that conversation and correct Castiel. Then Charlie snorts and says, “excuse me?”

“Dean Winchester. I’m his husband.”

“No, yeah, I heard you but… but  _ what?  _ What’s happening here?”

Dean can practically see her frowning in confusion, probably thinking she’s dealing with a crazy person.  _ Isn’t she though? _ , he thinks in the back of his mind.

“Have you ever seen a ghost?”

Charlie’s voice goes an octave higher. “ _ What? _ ”

“Have you ever seen a ghost?” he asks again.

After another pause, Charlie responds, “...no…?”

“Well, now you have.”

And in less time that it takes Dean to blink, Castiel is suddenly next to him in the hallway. Dean tries his hardest not to laugh. Inside the office, he hears Charlie sort of gasp and squeal and then absolute silence. He gives it a minute but when nothing else happens, when she doesn’t come running out of the office or whatever it is he had had in mind, he steps out of the shadows, rather disappointed by the lack of fuss, only to find Charlie's past out in her chair. It takes a great deal of bribery through ice cream and a visit to the school’s chapel, where Castiel can’t enter, for Charlie to calm down, listen to Dean’s whole story and get with the program with what he needs from her.

“No one will ever owe more than you do right now, Winchester.”

“So you can do it?”

She scoffs, practically offended. “ _ Of course _ I can do it, who do you think you’re talking to? The question is  _ should _ I do it? Why am I helping a demon again?”

“You’re not helping him, you’re helping  _ me.  _ And don’t look at him like a demon, he’s… more like a... god… on vacation…”

“More like on his  _ honeymoon.  _ And I’m pretty sure he’s a demon, Dean, he can’t come into the church.”

Dean clicks his tongue and, gesturing towards the window, exclaims, “look at him! Does he  _ look _ like a demon?”

Both of them look outside at the same time. In the street, Castiel is crouched down in front of some bushes, watching a ladybug walk on his hand. The expression of boyish wonder in his face is undeniably wholesome. Charlie crosses her arms over her chest, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable with the dichotomy inside her that Castiel generates. A part of her is terrified of him, but another…

“He’s kinda cute, isn’t he?” she whispers like it’s blasphemy to admit it. “So, what, you’re staying married to a demon?”

Dean inhales sharply, ears turning red. “We’re  _ not _ married!”

“Tell that to your husband,” Charlie teases with a little smirk. Then, totally ignoring the way he glares at her, she says, “okay, so, give me a few days to get this done cause I’m kinda busy writing the last bit of my thesis but I’ll do it for sure. What surname should I give him? What birth date?”

“I don’t know and I frankly don’t care, get creative.”

“What about his degree?”

“Let’s start with a Bachelor in agriculture, we’ll see after that.”

“Okay… so… are we still up for celebrating your graduation after the finals or what…?”

“Yeah,  _ obviously _ ,” he huffs and laughs nervously. “I spent thousands of dollars on this degree, if I don’t drink a few beers to celebrate I actually finished it I might just cry, so…”

In the back of his mind, the debt that has pilled up from his studies scares him more than Castiel ever did. He’d better get a good job, he’d better do well, cause he’s got to pay this debt off and if he doesn't get something he can be proud of out of it he’s going to regret letting Sam convince him to go for it for the rest of his life.

Taking another tentative look out the window, Charlie asks, “and is your husband coming…?”

“He’s not—!” Dean pinches the bridge of his nose and mutters curses under his breath. Charlie just giggles. After taking a deep breath, he continues, “no, Cas, is not invited to the party.”

“Oh, he is  _ Cas _ now, huh?” she smirks.

“What?”

“Nothing…” She shrugs and averts her eyes, playing innocent, but her lips are still curved upwards. “Just… you’re giving each other nicknames now?”

“Castiel is a mouthful, alright?” Dean defends himself and storms out, shaking his head.

Tilting her head to the side as she follows him out of the church, she whispers, “is it though…?”


	7. MIDDLE GROUND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments <3  
> Happy holidays or happy days off at work for those who don't really celebrate the holidays like me hehe

“Dean… can I go with you?”

The way Castiel asks with nothing but hesitation and vulnerability in his voice makes Dean feel like shit. It’s the night of his graduation celebration, he’s going out for dinner with his parents and then drinks with his friends. He’s going to get smashed, to say the least. Castiel’s not invited, for obvious reasons, but he’s avoided saying it out loud bluntly, hoping that Castiel would just take the hint. For one night, Dean wants his life back, he wants to be normal and celebrate this achievement he’s worked hard for. He doesn’t want to worry about Castiel or what he’s doing or who he’s talking to or what he’s saying. He wants to party, not babysit a deity with a crush on him. He wants to have a nice dinner with his family and talk carelessly with friends and make out with a girl in the bathroom… none of which would be easy with Cas around.

Avoiding meeting his eyes, Dean replies, “no, Cas, I… I think it’s be better if you stay. I just… Tonight means a lot to me and I don’t want to have to…” He tries to look for a word that isn’t too harsh, something that will convey  _ some sort _ of kindness to please Castiel. In the end he settles for an ambiguous, “worry about you.”

Castiel doesn’t try to argue. He nods silently and ducks his head, resting his chin on one hand while he looks out the window. The last lights of the day are fading. Castiel’s been cooped up in the apartment most of the time lately and Dean’s barely been able to pay any attention to him, he must be bored as fuck… And still, he doesn’t argue.

Guilt gripping at his heart, Dean explains more fervently, “it’s just a  _ really _ special night, man. I never thought I’d  _ actually _ graduate with a masters degree, it’s a miracle.”

Turning to face him with curiosity, Cas asks, “why?”

Dean shrugs and shakes his head a few times, then stops his nervous behaviour. “I never saw myself even going to college. I did really bad at school. I actually had a hard time finding a university that would accept me.”

“Why?”

“For starters I’ve never been particularly smart or applied, studying was never easy for me. I actually dropped out in my last year, had to finish later on. It also didn’t help that I had a big attitude problem. Got in a lot of fights, partied a little too much, drank like I was trying to join the 27 Club.”

“The what?”

“It’s this group of people who died when they were 27 years old.”

“Oh… And why would you do that?”

Dean huffs with annoyance. “Cas—”

“Dean?”

Dean narrows his eyes at him but Cas stares back innocently. He’s not teasing Dean, he’s not trying to annoy him, just understand him.

“I don’t know, man!” Dean finds himself raising his voice, getting a little defensive. He doesn’t like thinking of the past, to stir feelings and insecurities he thought he was done revisiting. “I just—I was going through stuff, okay?”

“What stuff?”

“Jesus, Cas! You’re like a kid, dude! I was struggling with my sexuality, alright? With my whole identity. And I worried about what people were going to think of me, my dad—I mean, he’s a marine and I—so I just overdid it with the girls and the parties and being a bad boy or whatever. I was so afraid of showing people who I was cause what if they didn’t like me? So I just became this whole other person, this—this—this  _ asshole. _ And with school, I don’t know, I was just too afraid to fail so I had this general attitude of why would I even  _ try _ and waste my time if I was too stupid to do well anyway.”

Dean takes a deep breath to recover the air missing from his lungs, trembling with a wave of emotions. It’s hard to swallow through the lump in his throat. He feels so uncomfortable, he  _ hates _ opening up and being vulnerable and he hates even thinking that some of these insecurities still haunt him to this day.

The silence coming from Castiel is deafening, it irritates the hell out of Dean.

“So?” he challenges the demon who merely stares back at him solemnly.

“What?”

“You happy, man?”

He practically shakes with anger, mad as hell that Cas brought up these feelings in him again only to do nothing but stare at Dean with that endless peace and patience of his.

“Yes,” Castiel responds gently, bowing his head every so slightly, “thank you for sharing, Dean. I like getting to know you better.”

Dean chews the insides of his cheeks, lost for words. He doesn’t get Cas, not one bit, so he glares at him, outwardly emanating his anger hoping the demon will pick up on it and… react? Dean’s not sure what he wants Castiel to do but he wants him to do  _ something _ , he wants him to stop looking at Dean like he makes sense because he doesn’t and he knows that and it’s infuriating that Castiel pretends otherwise.

“You know you are wrong though, right?” Castiel finally says. He sounds so calm Dean wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him.

A little too roughly, Dean asks, “about what?”

“For starters you  _ were _ obviously smart enough to graduate. You did a great job in your exams, didn’t you?”

Cas already knows this, he was there when Dean found out about his grades (and gave him the bigger bouquet of flowers yet to congratulate him) but he waits for Dean to say it himself, out loud, to give himself the recognition he’s so reluctant to accept. Even after all the effort he made, even though he got to the finish line, he still sort of feels like a loser, like an impostor between his peers.

He rolls his shoulders in a nervous gesture and mutters, “I guess.”

“You were. You  _ are, _ ” Cas kindly insists. “And people  _ do _ love you the way you are, judging by how many friends you have and the long way your parents came to see you. To celebrate you.”

“Yeah, well, my parents don’t know… about me… yet...”

“Don’t know what?”

“You know, that I’m… that I swing both ways.” Cas tilts his head to the side, a gesture Dean’s very familiar with by now. Once again, Dean’s slang flies over the demon’s head. “That I like men too, dude. I like men and women and whatever, I don’t judge.”

Looking even more confused, Cas asks, “and that’s a problem?”

“Well, no, not to  _ me _ but… I mean… not everyone is cool with it, so I just—” Dean sighs, wondering in the back of his mind why this conversation isn’t over yet anyway. He certainly wants it to be. 

Thankfully, his phone buzzes in his pocket announcing he’s got a new notification; Sam is texting him, telling him Eileen and him are ready for Dean to pick them up on their way to the restaurant. 

“I, err, gotta go,” he announces. Even though it’s no surprise, Castiel’s face falls and he leans back on the couch. “You keep working those ads, okay? Write down anything you think you could do and we’ll go through them tomorrow.”

“Okay, Dean.”

He sounds defeated, like he’s accepted his fate is to live between those four walls for the rest of his life, even though Dean’s working on getting them out of there, and  _ still _ , even though he’s bored, lonely and constantly having to adapt to Dean’s rule, Castiel doesn’t make a fuss about it. It makes Dean feel like shit, like a dictator.

“Hey, come on, Cas, turn that frown upside down. I promise I’ll bring you dessert and tomorrow we can go to the park. Watcha say?”

“I’d like that,” Cas says. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes though, it’s like he’s just forcing it to please Dean which makes him feel even  _ worse. _

_ What even is my life, _ he thinks, stewing on his feelings of guilt over not bringing his demon husband to dinner with his parents. It’s the normal thing to do, it’s the right decision, but damn he’s getting tired of being the bad guy, of constantly setting rules and limitations.

“Okay… see ya later, then. Don’t wait up.”

“I don’t sleep.”

“I know, Cas, I was just saying…”

He knows once he leaves he’s going to feel better, that the night of celebration is going to help him forget all about Cas, so he strides towards the door like it holds the answer to everything. Just as he begins to turn the doorknob though, Castiel’s faint voice comes from where he’s still sitting on the couch.

“You know there is nothing wrong with you, right, Dean?”

With parted lips that don’t say anything at all, Dean turns in his direction to meet his eyes, unsure of what he wants to say, what to reply. In the ends he just sort of nods, sort of ducks his head and then he’s gone. An unsure smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

* * *

It’s well past noon when Sam opens the door of his apartment to find Castiel waiting on the other side. He sucks in a breath, his stomach drops. He almost shuts the door in the demon’s face but what good would that make? Castiel can walk through walls, as far as he knows. Shocked by the unexpected visitor, he stares and simply hopes for the best, praying this is not the day Dean’s sexual escapades get him killed. 

“I am sorry to bother you, Samuel,” Castiel starts so politely Sam almost forgets what he truly is, “but I didn’t know who else to ask for help. You are the only other person I know, besides Charlie, but I don’t know where she lives, so here I am. I am looking for Dean. He didn’t come home last night. Do you know where he is? Is he here?”

Sam is taken aback by the sincere worry in his tone, the expression of his face and the nervous air about him, like he knows he’s intruding in Sam’s life when he shouldn’t, when it would probably bother Dean that Cas reached out to his brother. Sam knows Dean has him under lock-down and here Cas is, finally breaking it, but only because he’s concerned for Dean’s well-being. Sam can’t exactly blame him or judge him for that.

He does know where his brother is, or at least he can make a good guess; in the apartment of that girl he left the bar with last night. Dean was pretty drunk, so was she. Sam only prays he wasn’t too drunk to remember to wear a condom. Apparently he  _ was _ too drunk to forget he had a demon husband he had to return home to.

Considering his options, Sam swallows and fidgets, shifting his weight from one feet to the other. He could tell Castiel the truth but he’s nervous about being honest. Dean assured him Castiel is not dangerous, that the demon has stopped hurting people ever since Dean asked him to, but there’s no guarantee what he’ll do when he finds out the object of his affections spent the night with someone else while he’s being asked to hide away from the world until his prison guard returns. He could lie to him but then again  _ could he? _ Does Castiel have powers that would allow him to know Sam is lying? Doesn’t he already know where Dean is, considering he used to follow him around all the time not too long ago?

To buy himself some time, he says, “I thought you always knew where he was.”

“I could use my bond to find him but I don’t think Dean would appreciate that very much. He’s asked me to behave like a human so I am looking for him like a human would. I even walked here. It was a long walk.”

The corners of his lips twitch and curve in a momentary proud little smile which is probably partly overshadowed by the fact that he is breaking some of Dean’s other rules.

“You walked all the way here? It’s pretty far from Dean’s.”

“He never skips lunch,” Cas says to justify his concern. “He gets  _ really _ moody when he eats late too.”

“I know, he’s like a child,” Sam mutters under his breath.

“Is he here, then?”

Castiel tries to sneak a peek inside the open window as politely as possible, leaning a little to the side to get a better view. Despite knowing what he is and what he can do, Sam cannot help but pity the guy for a second. In a moment of weakness, Sam sighs and opens the door widely for Castiel.

“Why don’t you come in for a second? I think we should talk. And it’s Sam, by the way. Samuel was my grandfather.”

Sam leads the demon to the couch, keeping a careful eye on him the entire time. He’s glad Eileen is out so if anything happens, she’s out of harm’s way. Castiel looks anything but threatening though as he follows Sam into the living room and sits down, looking around in hope to catch any sign of Dean’s presence.

“So, hmm…” Sam clears his throat and takes a deep breath, bracing for the worst. “Dean’s not here.”

He lets that sink in, holding his breath in silence as he studies the other’s reaction. Castiel simply averts his eyes and looks out the window, visibly aggravated but showing no signs that he’s about to throw a fit or cause any trouble. Nothing happens, no storm or thunders, no threats, no disappearing and looking for Dean the easy and quick way. Cas just sits there with this sad look in his face that makes Sam feel quite bad for the guy, demon or not, however weird the situation might be.

Eventually, in a barely audible voice, Cas says, “he’s with someone else, isn’t he?”

What Sam wouldn’t give not to have this conversation with a  _ demon _ who accidentally _ married _ his brother, but there he is, involuntarily involved in the matter, having to comfort a deity delivered from Hell to his door. He’s going to murder Dean.

“He had a lot to drink last night,” Sam tells him and he’s not even sure why he’s saying it, that’s not an excuse for anything, and Dean would have gone home with her sober or not since he doesn’t even believe he’s got a bond with Castiel, “and he was celebrating, it’s nothing serious, he’ll be home today.”

“Why couldn’t he celebrate with me?” Cas asks in return, meeting his eyes again with a sense of urgency in them. “You know him better than anyone, don’t you? How do I get him to want me, Sam, to love me? What does Dean want? A palace or riches or—”

“No, no, no,” Sam interrupts him, huffing a laugh, “Cas, you can’t  _ buy _ Dean. That’s not gonna work. He’s not a material guy.”

“Then how?”

“I don’t know, you just—just… be there for him, you know? Be his friend and build from there. You made a trade for him with witches but no one gave  _ him  _ a choice, no time to process anything, to get to know you. He did not consent to being your husband.”

Castiel sighs and leans back on the couch, staring off into the distance. After a brief, rather awkward silence, channelling the inner child in him he asks, “but how long will that take?”

Sam shrugs with one shoulder and gives him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t know. There’s no guarantee that he will ever even want you the way you want him to but that’s life, that’s love, sometimes. Dean says you want to be human; well, that’s how it works. There are no certainties, ever. You love someone so you’re there for them, unconditionally, unless you decide it’s too much to handle and you move on.”

Castiel shakes his head with resolution. “I’m not leaving, he’s my saving grace.”

“Then you’ll have to be patient. You can’t rush these things,  _ especially _ with Dean. The more you try to push it, the longer it’ll take, I can promise you that. You did  _ not _ pick someone easy to love, Cas. Even without the whole demon deal, Dean is… Dean has trouble with…”

Sam tries to look for the words but he has a hard time summarizing his brother, his story, his insecurities. Cas, however, describes it surprisingly easy.

“He doesn’t see his worth. He doesn’t realize what he deserves.”

“He’s made some mistakes,” Sam admits, nodding his head, “and he’s got trouble forgiving himself.”

“Trash,” Cas recalls in a faint voice. “He said he was trash.”

“He’s not, he’s really not, and I’m glad you can see that too but if you smother Dean with expectations all at once and you try to push your affection into him, it’s going to have the opposite effect on him.”

“So what do I do?”

Sam can’t help the little chuckle that escapes his lips. “For starters, stop introducing yourself as his husband. Be his friend first. Earn your place in his life. Give him space, give him the option to make the choice to want you there. If it’s meant to be, it’ll turn out alright.”

Castiel swallows hard and nods. He takes Sam’s advice rather maturely, listening like Sam is this wise man instead of a young kid that is thousands of years younger and less experienced than him. Sam is rather impressed by him, with the way he listens to advice instead of being this terrifying and arrogant monster from Hell who will have Dean no matter what. He sees a little of what Dean talked about before, that potential for goodness, that  _ desire _ to be better that Castiel has in him.

“And if it doesn’t? If he never grows to love me?”

“Maybe you’ll find someone else that’s right for you.”

“But I want Dean.”

“Unfortunately sometimes pain is part of the human experience, Castiel…”

* * *

The next morning when Dean wakes up next to someone whose name he can’t quite remember, he’s got a throbbing in his temple that’s making him dizzy and a hunger that is all consuming. The girl sharing a bed with him is still out cold. It was a good night, or at least the bits he can remember were. Except, he begins to realize as he gathers his things to leave, he’s lost Castiel’s dessert somewhere along the day. He feels guilty about that, especially because it’s 2 pm already. He had expected to be home late but not  _ that _ late. He feels honestly bad, for some reason, especially since he promised dessert and he’s showing up empty-handed, hungover and physically destroyed. Cas, however, makes no comments at all when Dean finally gets home. He shrugs it off when Dean apologizes but that cheerful spark is gone from his eyes. It’s almost like he knows what Dean was up to and, well, how could he not, given Dean spent the night elsewhere?

Dean showers to get the smell of alcohol, sex and sweat off of him, grabs his sunglasses and takes Cas to the farmers’ market outside of town, knowing that ought to cheer Castiel up. He buys them ice cream and lets the demon spend as much time as he wants talking to the vendors and petting animals that have been brought out into a pen for children’s entertainment. All the little lambs and goats flock towards him though, attracted to him by some sort of magic the kids are terribly jealous of. It’s kind of hard to stand upright under the sun with just a handful of hours of sleep under his belt but despite being distracted and frankly a little bored, Dean puts up with it nonetheless and doesn’t try to hurry the other up. He even goes as far as buying some ridiculously expensive organic honey for Cas; he’s expecting to get a real job as a firefighter soon so what the hell?

Afterwards Dean lets Cas lead the way as they wander around the farms and the woods that surround them, stopping for a while so that Castiel can touch and talk to horses. Dean calls him a Disney princess what with the way animals behave around him, Cas just stares at him confused, unable to get the reference. They practice responses to questions Cas is likely to be asked during interviews, Dean running him through what he should and shouldn’t say, not having a bad time at all as they bathe in the sun and the fresh air. It’s times like this that Dean almost forgets what Cas really is until he makes comments like he doesn’t need to take his trench coat off, unlike Dean who is roasting in his leather jacket, because he is indifferent to temperature and weather.

They rest under a tree for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet. A nice breeze blows and the birds sing and it smells nice, of freshly cut grass. Cas watches the birds, Dean closes his eyes which burn from exhaustion. It’s the end of his life as a student and as scary as that might be, he struggled so much throughout his education he is glad it’s finally over.

“Aren’t you scared of becoming human, Cas? If you turn, I guess at some point you’ll be cold or hot, hungry, tired, in pain…”

“When you have lived the same life for thousands of years, change is not scary, Dean, it’s liberating. How about you? Are you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Of change. Of what comes next for you.”

He doesn’t need to think about his answer, he knows that he is, even if he’s also looking forward to it.

“A bit,” he admits.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Cas, what if I’m shit at it? What if I freeze or something and I kill myself in a fire? Or worse, get someone else killed.”

“I’ll rescue you,” Cas responds with a grin and Dean doesn’t understand whether that’s a joke or not.

“I’ll make a mental note to call my guardian angel if I’m in danger,” Dean jokes.

Castiel hums a laugh and looks away, peaceful in the silence. Dean doesn’t quite feel the same though, there’s this unrest inside of him that is urging him to talk, to apologize, even though he doesn’t really feel he owes Castiel an apology. They’re not really married, they’re not together, but that doesn't mean Castiel’s feelings weren’t hurt by what he did the previous night nonetheless It is obvious the demon suspects or knows something at some level, and Dean’s not cruel so he takes a deep breath and gathers his courage to have the uncomfortable talk he’s been avoiding.

“Cas, about last night—”

The demon holds a hand up and reassures him, “we don’t need to talk about it, Dean.”

“No, but I think we do. I just—”

“You’re not as committed as I am to this union and that’s fine. It’s my fault, I should have asked for your consent. It’s just not the way things used to work when I was summoned in the past but I respect the fact that you don’t…  _ want me _ … that way, so… how about we just start off by being friends?”

Dean studies his face and finds everything he needs there. He sees Cas making an effort and burying his own desires, he sees him trying to build a bridge between them, settling for what he can get for the time being. Dean is relieved, to be honest, that he doesn’t have to be the one to ask for a friendship but that he’s being offered the option instead. It’s what they need right now, something less complicated and intense while they figure this situation out. He’s not going to kill Castiel and he’s also not going to abandon him to wander the world alone, and while he also can’t give him what he wants, he thinks being roommates and friends is as good a start as they’re gonna get, it’s the best middle ground they’re going to agree on. 

“Okay… Yeah, that sounds fine, we can be friends.”

Cas’ smile is strained. Dean hesitates; should he comfort him? Should he put an arm around him or pat him in the thigh or something? His hand twitches but then Cas stands up and offers him his hand.

“It’s getting late, let’s go.”


	8. DOMESTIC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to name the chapters after all, halfway through the fic. Sue me.  
> As per its title, this chapter is going to be unapologetically domestic. I regret nothing, we deserve to indulge, it’s been a tough year.  
> HAPPY NEW YEAR! :) 2021, please tone it the fuck down, honey.  
> I hope to see YOU, YEAH YOU, coming back to AO3 for more SPN fics even if the show is over ;)

To be honest, Dean is impressed by Castiel’s first paycheck. Who would have known working for a fancy florist would pay so well? Dean would be jealous of the demon making so much money for hanging out with flowers all day if he didn’t detest customer service positions. Cas loves his job though, even though he’s not great with customers. He’s good enough and that’s what matters. Despite his rusty social skills, his knowledge of plants and how to care for them makes him one of the supervisor’s favourite employees almost right away. He doesn’t need to be told what to do, Cas knows exactly what the plants need and when, how to keep them beautiful and healthy for as long as possible. The job gives him something to do, something to focus on besides Dean and it gives them both the money necessary to start looking for a new apartment and all the things Cas is going to need to adjust to a human life.

A place to put their stuff in is at the top of the list of things they need to get so Cas and Dean go apartment hunting together the moment they both get a permanent job. At first Dean thinks it’s going to be easy, that Cas is just going to go along with things as he usually does, but it turns out the demon finally finds his voice and shares his opinions. Ah, boy, does he have strong ones.

“We’re not living in that apartment, Dean. Don’t bother to ask to see it.”

“Why not? Look at the price, that’s pretty damn good!”

“Dean, it’s on the fourth floor and there’s no elevator.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t be  _ that  _ lazy.”

“If there’s a fire, we’re dead.”

“No, we’re not, you can fly us out of there in a second, not to mention we can use the fire escape.”

Castiel folds his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes at him. “Oh, so now I can fly?”

Dean throws his arms out and looks at him like he’s crazy. “If we’re about to  _ die _ , then  _ yes _ , Cas, yes you can, dude,  _ obviously _ !”

“We’re just not renting an apartment with that many stairs. The faster you accept it, the easiest it’ll be to find a place.”

Dean groans and runs his hands down his face. “Fine!” he exclaims, closing that tab even though it’s a perfectly good apartment. “What if it’s in like a third or second floor? Is your majesty fine with that?”

“I’ll only accept the ground floor or first floor. No basements, I need—”

“Light for your plants, yes, I know, Cas. You’ve only said it a million times.”

The first place they see is pretty cool. Nice neighbourhood, second floor (Cas only agrees to see it because it has a really big balcony and Dean swears he’ll allow Cas to keep as many pots as he wants out there), big bedrooms, nice kitchen. Dean gets this feeling that it is too good to be true right away, that there’s going to be a catch because a recently renovated kitchen usually means the price should be a few hundred dollars over what the owners are asking. When he asks why the apartment is so cheap and the person showing them the apartment tells them, rather unwillingly, that the previous tenant died there, he feels relieved; he isn’t superstitious enough to pass an apartment like this for something as natural as someone dying on it.

“We gotta take this deal Cas,” he whispers privately to the demon, trying to contain his excitement. “This place is  _ ridiculously  _ cheap.”

“I suppose it has something to do with it being haunted. You humans don’t usually like that, do you?”

Dean rolls his eyes at Castiel. “Don’t be dramatic, it’s not  _ haunted. _ ”

Dead serious and completely calmly, Cas insists, “yes, it is. We’d be sharing the apartment with that man.”

Cas points to the corner of the room which to Dean appears to be completely empty. A shiver runs down his spine immediately. He doesn’t want to show any reaction but Cas’ little joke makes the hairs of the back of his neck stand. 

“That’s not funny,” he mutters childishly, folding his arms as he looks around the room, disturbed by the comment.

“I’m not joking. He seems nice though, he’s actually smiling at you. I think he likes y—”

Dean grabs his forearm and starts dragging him out. “Yeah, no, we’re outta here, Cas.”

The second place they visit seems great at first too; it’s got a huge living room with tall ceilings and although the second bedroom is quite small, Cas says he doesn’t mind leaving the biggest one for Dean. The demon is in love with the tall windows and he’s immediately rooting for it. Dean, however, discards it as soon as he opens the shower to try the water pressure which turns out to be absolute shit  _ and _ the neighbours upstairs start blasting Britney Spears in the middle of their visit so loud the ceiling seems to rattle.

“Who cares about the water pressure and the noise, Dean? Look at these windows!”

“ _ I _ do, Cas! Me, the  _ human _ who has to shower and sleep.”

“But the windows,” Castiel insists, gesturing in their direction. 

The puppy eyes don’t work on Dean this time though.

“Trust me, buddy, you’ll have to sleep one day and you will thank me we didn’t rent an apartment below these people.”

“But the windows!” Cas exclaims as Dean drags him out.

The third place is pretty decent too but they barely get a foot in when things get awkward.

“Let me just say, we accept tenants of any race, religion, color or sexual orientation,” the woman showing them around says as they stand in the empty living room. She looks back and forth between them, smiling, so proud of herself too, like she deserves a price for being open to diversity.

“That’s nice,” Castiel responds with a clueless grin.

“We’re not together,” a flustered Dean quickly corrects her. 

Her face falls. “Oh… Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you—”

“We were married,” Cas explains with that monotone of his as he takes a look out the window, “but he doesn’t love me so we decided it is better to be friends.”

Her jaw drops and she gives Dean this look like he’s a monster. Dean’s jaw drops and he stares back at her, completely embarrassed, not knowing how to explain himself out of that situation.

“Cas!”

The demon turns calmly, confused by the exasperated look in Dean’s face. “What?”

The woman clears her throat and very awkwardly mumbles, “well, we only rent to couples, so…”

They aren’t crazy about the fourth place they see but that’s okay because they don't get it anyway. The fifth is a semi-basement and Cas doesn’t even want to go in to see it. Dean tries to drag him in but Castiel doesn’t even break a sweat using his strength to stay perfectly still. At that point Dean’s patience starts running low at this point. The sixth apartment is just great, near Sammy’s and the park and it’s also a short drive to drop off Cas at work. The kitchen has a lot of storage space and the bathroom has glass doors in the shower which Dean prefers to shower curtains. One of the bedrooms is small but since the demon doesn't care about that, Dean gets excited for it. As soon as they get there he gets the vibe that this too is a place that would most likely rent out to couples so he grabs Castiel’s hand and tells him to follow his lead. Cas doesn’t even need to change much about his behaviour, he already stands too close to Dean to play the part of a partner. They charm the agent with Dean’s smile and easy charm and Castiel’s serious exterior which balances out Dean’s bad boy look, giving the agent the confidence that Cas will pay the rent if Dean fails to. It goes so well she offers them the apartment on the spot which they accept after a moment of short deliberation.

She’s just printing the papers when, to fill the silence, she casually asks, “so how did you two meet?”

“Through common enemies,” Cas deadpans with complete honesty.

Her lips part and she turns to Dean in confusion, waiting for an explanation.

Dean laughs nervously and squeezes Castiel’s hand, who lifts an eyebrow in his direction. “He’s joking, we, huh, we had a blind date.”

“You weren’t blindfolded,” Cas disagrees. “Tied up, yes, but not blindfolded.”

“He’s kidding, he’s kidding,” Dean assures the agent, then shifts away from her and leans closer to Cas to hiss in his year, “dude, shut up.”

“Okay…” The agent gives them this weird look and strained smile but thankfully she grabs the papers and beings to organize them to sign them. “Have you been together long?”

Before the demon can get a word in, Dean quickly replies, “yes, yes, we have. We’re so in love, aren’t we, Cas?”

“I wish,” Castiel sighs. The agent stares at him, waiting for him to break into a smile that indicates he’s joking but he merely gazes back into her eyes, completely stoic. Dean digs his nails into Castiel’s hand.

“Oh, you’re just  _ so _ funny today,  _ honey _ ,” Dean says through gritted teeth. 

Once they have the living situation nailed down, the next step is going to Ikea to get furniture. Dean is keeping his bed but selling the couch, his small table and the two chairs. They’re going to need a bed and dresser for Castiel’s bedroom, furniture for the living room and kitchen and—

“Plants!” the demon exclaims eagerly, making a beeline for the home decor section as soon as he sees pots and plants on display.

“No, Cas, wait!” Dean calls after him, rushing behind the demon, pushing people out of the way as politely as possible before he loses Cas in Ikea like a mother loses their kid at the supermarket. “Plants last!”

“Plants first!” Castiel shouts over his shoulder with a boyish grin.

Dean spends 15 minutes to convince him that they need to shop for everything else first and the plants last because it’s going to be an inconvenience to bring all the plants and vases along with them. Cas argues it’s necessary because what if everyone else buys the plants. Dean points out there are only 10 more people at the store because it’s 10.30 am on a Wednesday, they’re not going to get sold out. He knows just to convince Cas; by bribing him with a trip to the farmer’s market on the weekend. Only then the demon listens to him.

Leaving aside the first frustrating minutes where Dean had to drag Cas away from the plants, they don’t have a half bad time looking for furniture together. Dean’s taste is more narrow but Cas is open minded so they don’t struggle to make a decision together. Dean actually finds himself asking Cas for his opinion, no longer thinking of him as someone occupying the other room, a demon he is storing away from the world, but as his  _ roommate _ , someone paying half the rent who therefore has a right to make these decisions as well. They try couches, Cas likes the leather one but Dean explains it’s not a good idea for summer (or for sex, but he doesn’t say that). They pick the cheapest bed and mattress since Cas won’t sleep on it. They sit in chairs, knocking their knees together below the tables. Dean pulls away, moving his chair back. Castiel points out a really nice bookcase where Dean could store all his books and his collection of records.

“I can’t afford that now, Cas.”

“Together, we can.”

“You don’t have any books.”

Cas shrugs. “Then I will buy some, with time.”

_ With time… _

The words resonate with Dean. For how long will Cas be in his life? How long will it take Sam to find a way to break their bond? The more he gets to know Cas, the less he thinks he’ll have the heart to force him back to Hell. Cas, who is in love with humanity and birds and bees and flowers, who hasn’t hurt anyone since Dean laid out the rules for him to stay. With time, Cas makes himself at home on Earth. It’s scary how easy the demon is adapting and even scarier is how  _ Dean _ is adapting to living with him, how easily things are falling together now that Cas has a job. They’re so different and yet somehow they just work well together, things are not nearly as hard as Dean made them out to be. It’s not annoying or challenging to spend time together, their silences aren’t uncomfortable, Cas is not unpleasant. He is quickly going from big threat, a demon Dean’s got to get rid of as quickly as possible, to a minor inconvenience and source of embarrassment.

Once they have all they need, most of which they have shipped directly to the apartment while they leave Castiel’s plants in the car, Dean takes him to the mall to buy clothes. At first Cas isn’t too happy about it.

“I like wearing your clothes,” he mutters under his breath, dragging his feet behind Dean.

“Yeah but  _ I  _ need my clothes, Cas.”

For the past few weeks the demon had been rocking his accidental husband’s clothes. If Dean’s honest with himself, and he hates to be, he has to admit Cas looks pretty damn good with his clothes. He borrows one of Dean’s nice shirts and pants for work so he doesn’t always turn up wearing the same. Dean’s pants are a little bit tighter on Cas because he has strong, thick thighs but far from looking ridiculous, he looks pretty hot which is not good, not good at all. Dean would very much appreciate it if Cas looked less handsome on a daily basis.

It takes Cas a while to choose what he wants, the style he is going for. In the end he goes for something that is a mix of casual and serious. Dean teases him saying he’s fancy, Cas shrugs and ducks his head. For some reason, Dean kind of likes it when he gets embarrassed.

“Come on, let’s try those clothes on.” As Cas begins to take his shirt off in the middle of the store, Dean pulls his shirt back down and exclaims, “in the dressing room, Cas! Jesus!”

Waiting outside the changing room for Castiel to try the clothes on, Dean is lost in thoughts, wondering when they went from enemies to… sort of friends. Comfortable acquaintances, to say the least. And that all happened in just a few weeks. Now they’re going to be living together, truly sharing a space, a conscious decision Dean is making. He’s not just doing it for his own sake anymore, he is letting Cas have a say in the decisions as if he were to stay for a considerable amount of time. The realness of it all suddenly hits Dean in the face. He is accepting Castiel in his life, accepting the fact that he might stay for who knows how long. It’s a matter of time until Dean starts growing fond of him and then Cas, little by little, will start becoming human, thus becoming more and more Dean’s responsibilities, trapping him even further in this messed up position he’s been pushed into. And yeah, they agreed to be friends but Dean is always going to know what Cas really wants and that he can’t give it to him.

Sam and Eileen come over to help them unbox and assemble the furniture, plus move all of Dean’s stuff from the old apartment to the new one. Despite having established that Castiel is no longer a threat to people, Sam goes out of his way not to ever leave Eileen alone with him nonetheless. Cas doesn’t notice but Dean whispers rather aggressively to his brother that he is being rude. 

“He’s a  _ demon _ ,” Sam hisses back.

“He’s  _ Cas _ . He  _ sings _ to his oregano plant, man, he’s as dangerous as a golden retriever on a leash,” Dean finds himself defending his roommate.

Between the four of them, it doesn’t take them long to put most things in place; Cas will organize his plants later by himself, thank you very much. Dean buys pizza and some beers to thank his brother and future sister in law (if Sam knows what’s good for him) for their help, sort of forgetting that they are supposed to be hiding Castiel away from the world. Dean is reminded almost right away why it was a good idea to keep Cas from the rest of humanity when Eileen brilliantly points out Castiel’s stuff is missing. 

“Don’t you need help moving your stuff too?” she asks.

Before Cas can go ahead and say something painfully honest, like confess that he actually doesn’t  _ own _ anything besides what is already in the apartment, Dean goes ahead and says, “we’ll just do that another day!”

“But thank you for offering,” Castiel tells her with a kind smile, signing perfectly well with his hands everything he says as well.

Eileen, rather impressed, also signs back a question and asks him, “you know sign language?”

Cas begins to take a breath to reply, face lighting up proudly, and Dean just knows what he’s going to say, he’s going to tell Eileen he knows every language known to men, so he gets ahead and abruptly exclaims, “his brother was deaf!”

Even though Cas gives Dean this weird look, he seems to catch up with what Dean meant to do and doesn’t correct him.

“Is he helping you move?” Eileen then asks Cas and, damn, Dean just wishes they could stop interacting altogether.

Before Dean gets a chance to stop him, Cas bluntly says, “no, my family is in Hell.”

A deadly silence settles between the four of them. Sam and Dean shared a panicked look. Sam’s eyes are wide open and Dean  _ knows _ his brother is mentally screaming  _ I told you so, Dean _ at him, for some reason.

“They all died,” Dean quickly lies, for good measure, as if clarification were needed. 

Eileen’s mouth drops and Dean’s not sure whether he just made the situation better or worse. She looks  _ mortified _ and quickly begins to apologize for bringing it up.

Castiel waves a hand, dismissing her concerns, and starts to stay, “oh, it’s okay, we are all—”

“I think we should go,” Sam suddenly interrupts Cas before he confesses something Sam doesn’t want her to know. He jumps to his feet and begins to stammer half-assed excuses. “I forgot we had a thing. Yeah, we, hmm, I made plans with, hmm—yeah, we should go, Eileen. Sorry, guys.”

“Oh, it’s totally fine,” Dean agrees, moving quickly towards the door as Sam all but drags Eileen out the door. She gives them both a look of bewilderment and barely has time to grab another slice of pizza before they’re gone.

Dean closes the door behind them, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath out. When he opens his eyes, a confused Cas is staring at him from the table.

“What did I do?” he asks, sounding like a scolded kid, bracing himself for Dean’s frustration.

Conjuring all the patience left in him, Dean drags his feet back to the table and sits down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Buddy, do you remember what we talked about? About thinking things through before saying them?”

“Yes…” Castiel responds, obviously still missing the point and waiting for more information.

“Would a human say their family is in Hell?”

“Maybe, if they deserve it,” he argues, once again showing Dean that he is  _ not _ , in fact, completely ready to join the real world and be a part of Dean’s life. “I did forget about the languages secret, my bad.”

Shaking his head to himself, Dean mutters, “what am I gonna do with you…?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot—”

“It’s okay, Cas, I guess it’ll take time. You’re doing—you’re doing fine. Now how about you do the honours and take your first ever shower in the house? We’re dirty and you have literally not showered since we met.”

“I don’t need to,” Cas points out for the millionth time.

“Gotta get used to being human though and doing human things like having to waste time with showers on a regular basis and washing your teeth and combing your hair. So off you go. Take the trench coat off, hang it on the closet, my friend, and put on a t-shirt like a normal person.”

In a shy whisper, Cas asks, “do people not wear trench coats inside their homes?”

Cas’ question is so honest, like he was almost afraid to ask, that Dean can’t even be mad about it. He has to chuckle, he just has to.

“No, Cas, they don’t.”

It doesn’t occur to Dean to tell Castiel  _ how _ to take a shower and after 15 minutes of Cas being locked up in the bathroom, he starts to wonder whether he  _ should have _ given him a full rundown of what the demon should be doing in there, but eventually Castiel does come out. Butt naked. Dean practically chokes on his coffee as Cas stands in all his glory in the middle of the living room, casually drying his hair with a towel while failing to uncover the most private parts of his body.

Dean stares. He doesn’t want to but he just can't help but  _ stare.  _ Cas is a demon and, wow, he was indeed  _ built _ for sin. His thighs, his hips, his curves, his chest, his shoulders. Dean knows he is staring, he knows he shouldn’t because, seriously, the image is going to be imprinted in his brain forever now, but he just cannot look away, like morbid curiosity has you looking when you drive past a car accident. Or it has you staring at someone too beautiful to look past, even when you know it’s inappropriate because they’re naked and Dean is now totally checking out Castiel’s crotch.

“You were right, showering  _ is _ nice,” Cas tells him, sighing like a man relaxing at the end of a long day.

Clearing his throat before speaking, doing his damn best to keep his tone neutral and his eyes in Castiel’s instead of his dick, Dean says, “Cas, you know what else humans don’t do?”

“What?”

“Stand naked in front of their roommate.”

“Oh… sorry…”

Instead of covering himself though, Castiel simply marches towards his room. Dean can’t help but tilt his head and check out his ass. It’s a good ass, a  _ really _ good ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments, they mean a lot! :)


	9. TEMPORARY RESIDENT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really stuck with this chapter for weeks! We finally made peace though and I like the way it turned out :) I hope you enjoy it too!
> 
> I’m so excited for the next one though…. ;)

“Do I get tickets for 7:15 or 8?” Charlie, who is currently on speakerphone, asks while Dean hurries to drive home for a shower and a change of clothes after his shift.

“8, please.”

“Is Cas coming?”

Dean snorts and frowns to himself.

“Of course not.”

“Why not?”

“Cause,” he responds, shrugging even though she can’t see him. “Don’t get attached to Cas, Charlie, he’s just a... a temporary resident.”

“He’s been living with you for a month and a half, Dean,” she points out.

Oh and doesn’t Dean know it… It’s been a month and 17 days and Sam and Becky have done absolutely no progress in their research. Dean wonders if she’s stalling in an attempt to spend more time with Sam even though he is clearly in a very committed relationship with Eileen but then what would be Sam’s excuse? He is _definitely_ not trying to find excuses to hang out with Becky. The sooner he can get away from her, the better, in fact.

Meanwhile Dean has a demon for a roommate and he’s trying to navigate how he feels about Cas without losing his mind or the sense of what is right or wrong.

Echoing the thoughts that have plagued Dean’s mind lately, Charlie adds, “and you’ve got no idea for how long he’s going to stay before you find a way to free yourself from him. Could be months, could be years… By then you might not even want him gone...”

Dean lefts out a puff of air through his mouth with a little frustrated groan to go with it, his shoulders becoming rigid and tense. He’s been thinking about that nonstop ever since they moved into the new apartment together. Torn between accepting Cas in his life and putting a safe distance between his normal life and the part that’s got Cas in it, Dean has been dancing around his demon husband for a while. Accepting Castiel’s presence as his responsibility because he is unwilling to hurt him to get rid of him is one thing; opening the doors widely for him to waltz in and take a seat in the trainwreck that is Dean’s life is another. 

Truth is he is still waiting and waiting for Sam to find a way to break their bond and send Cas back to where he belongs so Dean can finally go back to his normal life, to see people without having to sneak out of the house to do it and invite his friends over for dinner. His social life has become limited since the demon made his appearance. For starters, he can’t pick up people in bars and take them home so his sex life has suffered a little. So far he has only invited Charlie over, the one time, because she already knew of their situation but she was so friendly and relaxed with Castiel that Dean decided they needed to stay away from each other, if only to spare Charlie the heartbreak when Cas had to inevitably leave this world. He doesn’t want her getting warm and fuzzy with Cas. Dean knows that the closer he himself becomes to Cas, the harder it’ll be to put his foot down and make the tough call when the time comes so he doesn’t let the demon invade more spaces in his life.

They’re both so busy though that it’s really not that hard to get some distance from Cas when Dean needs it. His schedule as a firefighter is all over the place, constantly changing, adding extra hours here and there to cover for other people and build a good reputation for himself. He loves the job and everything that comes with it, even the soreness in his muscles after a long day of work. He feels _useful._ He prepared for this for years and his hard effort has finally landed him where he wanted to be. He is proud of himself, something he hasn’t been in… well, _ever._

Cas, on the other hand, besides being busy with work, spends a lot of time in the park so that when Dean returns home sometimes the demon won’t be there yet. He has also taken up the habit of running in the early morning, something very human to do, he explains rather proudly, _and_ has discovered the wonders of online education. At the moment he is immersed in an urban agriculture course that is, in Dean’s opinion, hella expensive but, in Castiel’s opinion, very worth it. He gets an official certificate and all at the end, he tells Dean. 

“My first real document,” he beams, proud to be working to achieve something all on his own for once.

It’s not that Dean dislikes Cas; quite the contrary, the problem is that he realizes that it could be really easy to grow fond of the demon—THE _DEMON_ ! _—_ if he puts his guard down and allows himself to open up to him, really and fully inviting him into his life...

Dean complains about Castiel’s weird taste but likes coming home to the sound of music coming from the inside. He doesn’t even mind that Cas has been obsessed with Creedence Clearwater Revival lately, playing the same albums on repeat over and over again. It’s a great improvement to the depressing silence that used to welcome him home on a daily basis before.

He teases Cas about his obsession with plants but he likes the way the apartment smells like flowers. Castiel has the habit of leaving flowers even in Dean’s room so it smells really nice all the time. It’s a great change from the fire department.

They have movie night on Wednesdays and it’s too easy to get comfortable on the couch next to him. Even though he has to explain a lot of things throughout the films, Dean enjoys it, it doesn’t bother him at all. He has a good laugh every time, he finds it rather adorable how Cas is confused by the plots and the characters’ choices at least half the time. He’s too literal and logical to make sense of the movies but he watches them like an alien studying human behaviour and culture. Castiel never tells him to shut up, Dean’s got the feeling he could talk for hours and Cas would happily sit there and listen just to hear the sound of his voice.

He also appreciates having someone to have dinner with from time to time, when he doesn’t have to cover the evening or night shift at the station. Cas almost never eats but Dean’s over that now, it doesn’t bother him to be the only one eating, it’s just the way things are. The demon simply sits there sipping tea and asks him about his day. His presence, his quiet demeanour, is really calming, for some reason. Sometimes he tells Dean about his past life; ancient Greece was his favourite time on Earth, he got summoned a lot back then. His tales are the weirdest bedtime stories Dean’s ever heard.

Because he notices how much of an actual good time they have together, Dean sometimes finds himself making up lies and excuses to get out of hanging out with Cas. While Dean has partially accepted Castiel in his life, there are limits, there are rules to follow, precautions to take because he should not be getting that close and comfortable with the guy he’s planning to evict at some point. But at the same time he feels like a villain every time he does because he knows he’s Castiel’s only friend and since they both started working, Cas has spent a lot of time on his own. Every time Dean leaves to hang out with his friends without inviting Cas, who by the second time he got rejected has stopped asking if he can tag along, it’s like leaving a puppy alone in the apartment knowing he’ll be waiting, _yearning,_ for Dean’s return.

“Dean, why are you hiding your husband from the world?” Charlie asks him one night when he is driving her home after having dinner at Kevin’s. Everyone keeps asking Dean when they’re going to party in his new apartment but he keeps making up random excuses not to have his friends over. He really wants to show off his new place but doesn’t want to expose them to Cas. Charlie, who is aware of the demon husband situation, knows better. He could always ask Castiel to leave for a few hours but that would be very rude.

Dean groans and glances at her reproachfully. “Don’t call him that.” 

A little more serious, she asks, “is he giving you a hard time? Is he not nice?”

“He’s _too_ nice. I _wish_ he’d give me trouble, you know? But instead he just—he just makes flower bouquets and gets me pie and folds my fucking clothes without me having to ask.”

At first Charlie is confused by the tone of frustration in Dean’s voice but soon she realizes what the problem is. A devilish grin spreads across her face. 

“You like him,” she says, poking him in the shoulder with one finger.

On a reflex, Dean immediately retorts, “I do not.” When Charlie simply raises an eyebrow and gives him a look like he’s full of shit, he sighs and says, “okay, I like him but I don’t _want_ to like him.”

“Why not?”

"Because I’ve got to get rid of him… right?”

Dean turns towards his friend like she holds all the answers, the voice of reason and logic and wisdom in his life (besides Sam), but Charlie, for the first time in a long time, doesn’t have the answer to Dean’s problems or firm advice to guide him with.

“If that’s what you want,” she throws out there vaguely and shrugs.

Dean doesn’t find that helpful at all. If anything, her lack of enthusiasm towards getting rid of Cas weights on him even more.

“It’s a demon, Charlie, I’m supposed to want to get rid of it. I’m married to a _demon_ , that’s not normal.”

“I thought you guys settled on being friends.”

“We did but he looks at me like—like—”

“Like he has a crush on you,” Charlie offers because, yes, it’s absolutely obvious that Cas has heart eyes for Dean.

“Yeah! And it’s _weird_! I feel like I would just be leading him on if I act like it’s all cool, you know? Only to stab him in the back and send him back to Hell later.”

“ _If_ you send him back. Seems like you might like him too much to give him the boot.”

Dean grips the steering wheel tighter and huffs. Thinking about Cas gives him a headache, it’s a moral dilemma that constantly tears him apart. Charlie, however, can’t help but chuckle at how aggravated he looks.

“I’m sorry but I still don’t get how liking him is a problem,” she tells him with complete honesty, smiling up at him without a care in the world. She got over the fact that Cas is a demon pretty quickly after all he did with his magic was fix her carpal tunnel and give her flowers.

“We’re not supposed to bond, Charlie. The closer we become, the more human he turns.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

“Cause then he’ll become my responsibility! I’ll have to teach him everything; how to cook, how to pay taxes, how to drive. You’ve no idea how long I spent teaching him how to use the washing machine. God, the _phone_ ! I tried for an entire afternoon, I’m talking _hours._ I had to download all the apps for him, he just could not handle it. _And_ he will literally end up _dying_ because of me, because I like him.”

Mocking him, Charlie rests her hand on her chest and says, “aw, Dean, are you _worried_ about your husband?”

“Stop calling him that!”

It’s late when he gets home but Cas is awake, obviously, sitting by the window in the dark, staring up at the sky in complete silence. 

“What are you doing there, buddy?” Dean asks him as he comes in and turns the lights on, mildly amused to find him like that, like an angsty teenager contemplating life and the stars.

“There is a full moon,” Cas responds in that gravely voice of his that Dean has grown to like. A lot. It’s a bit of a problem.

Dean puts his keys down and shrugs his jacket off, then walks over to the window to stand next to him. The moon is shining bright outside, in a way that’s almost magical. It seems bigger than Dean’s ever seen it. Cas looks up at it in awe. With a lazy movement of his hand, the lights go out again. In the dark, they can appreciate the beauty of the night sky even better.

He doesn’t know why but when he speaks again, Dean finds himself whispering. “Are you doing that?”

Cas turns in his direction. “Doing what?”

Only then, when the breath coming out of Castiel’s mouth reaches his face, Dean notices just how close to each other they’re standing. This time he can’t blame Cas, he’s the one that approached him. Keeping his eyes on the moon, he takes a step back.

“The moon. It looks quite… beautiful.”

Castiel chuckles and shakes his head. It’s been a while since Dean has seen him smile like that. “I cannot take credit for the moon. There is beauty all around us, whether it is caused by magic or not.”

Dean takes another step back, uncomfortable with the way Cas looks at him, like he’s just as beautiful as the moon. _The moon!_ He clears his throat and turns away, starting towards his room.

It’s been a few days since they’ve spent quality time together so before Dean can retreat into his bedroom and hide away, probably even go to bed early, Castiel jumps to his feet and takes this opportunity to ask Dean to do something with him. Their busy schedules, which often don’t match, and Dean’s social life have kept them apart quite often lately, leaving just a few hours a week where they are both home at the same time.

“There is a western marathon on TV,” Castiel starts, following him on his way to his room, “do you want to watch a movie with me?”

Dean ducks his head, mustering the will to say no. He should say no because he shouldn’t really, _really_ want to say yes. That in itself is a bad sign. It’s also late although he’s really not that tired and he absolutely wants to watch a western with Cas which is a problem. The clever demon has realized westerns are the way to Dean’s heart for he will rarely ever turn down the chance to watch one. But his conversation with Charlie resonates with him, thoughts and doubts he’s been having for days, _weeks,_ going around in circles in his mind. She mustn't get attached to him… and neither should he. For Castiel’s own good.

“I’m bored,” Cas continues before he can be rejected. “I’ve finished my course. I could watch the movies alone but then again your commentary helps me understand them.”

And Dean fucking loves commenting on the movies. Why do they have to work so well together?

“What do you mean you finished the course? Isn’t it supposed to last like 4 months?”

Castiel shrugs. “It turns out it’s much shorter if you don’t sleep at night and have 8 hours a day to study the material.”

“Well…” Dean bites his lip, fishing for an excuse. “Why don’t you sign up for another one, then? It’ll look good in your CV.”

“I already have but…” Castiel trails off, his gaze falling on the TV, then back on Dean. There’s hope in them, hope that Dean will pay _some_ attention to him. “I believe one of the movies is about to start…”

Hesitatingly, bracing himself for a no because that’s Dean’s most usual answer these days, Castiel gestures towards the couch. Dean doesn’t know what does it—coming home to a bored Cas waiting for him watching the moon, the sad puppy face on his face or the fact that the demon has bought beer and chips for Dean, but Dean finds himself relenting and accepting the offer. Castiel tries but fails not to look too pleased. When they sit together on the couch, Dean shuffles away when Cas sits too close but after an hour he finds the both of them with their sides pressed against each other again. How are they always standing or sitting so close, he wonders? Is that magic too?

A movie turns into two. Two turns into three. The sun is starting to come out. By the start of the fourth Dean has fallen asleep to a happy demon sitting by his side. When he wakes up some time after noon with a blanket over himself, tucked in with care, he reminds himself he’s got to stay away from Cas for his own good. For _their_ own good. The less they bond, the easier it’ll be to get rid of said bond. Cas won’t become a human and suffer and Dean won't feel like the worst piece of shit ever when he vanishes his roommate back to Hell. For someone trying to keep his conscience free of guilt though, his stomach stirs uncomfortably when he thinks of the secrets he is keeping, the plans he is still set on carrying on with. 

* * *

Dean wakes up disoriented with a deafening ringing in his ears. The heat is the first thing he notices, the suffocating hot air that engulfs him. Then the pressure in his arm, like pounds upon pounds of concrete just sitting on it. Confused, he tries to move his arm and cries out in excruciating agony right away. It’s so intense, it blinds every other sense for a few seconds. Then his eyes fly open and it all comes back to him; the call, putting his uniform on, telling Benny he’d cover the 4th floor, realizing things were taking a dark turn faster than he’d expected…

He doesn’t remember the roof collapsing but it clearly has, to a certain degree at least, trapping his arm underneath the debris. Dean looks around, searching for the kid he had been carrying out to safety before everything went dark. He’s unconscious on the floor, not too far away from Dean, partially covered by rubble. The boy has to be 7 or 8, not more, but he looks younger and smaller in the chaos that surrounds them. He looks fragile. Dean can’t tell if he’s moving or not, breathing or not, and despite all his training he begins to feel the panic rising in his gut.

“Kid! Hey, kid, get up!”

His free arm tries to reach out to touch him, shake him into action, to get help, to save himself, but Dean’s a few inches short of him. 

Turning his head to the other side, Dean takes a look at his trapped arm. He can’t feel it but when he tries to move again, the pain is so blinding he cries out to the top of his lungs and has to stop to breathe and shudder. He’s trapped. He tries to pull himself free again, turning on his side to push away with his feet too, despite the pain it causes him, but he can’t move an inch. He’s trapped and alone.

The flames are relentless and unforgiving, growing stronger with every minute he isn’t getting the both of them out of there.

He calls for help but no one comes.

The smoke is getting really bad. If that kid is not dead yet, he will be soon. They both will be. He thinks of Sammy, of his parents. They’re going to be devastated. It eats him up that he’s not going to get to see them one more time and say goodbye. He’s going to miss Sam’s wedding and being an uncle. It’s stupid to think about it now but he is terribly disappointed for himself too; he hasn’t been a firefighter long, it’s not fair that he’s going to die so soon, that he doesn’t get to do what he loves, what he worked so hard to achieve, for a long time. He doesn’t want to die, he’s not ready yet. Life was _just_ starting to get good. He’s never going to get a house of his own and build a family and teach his kid how to drive the Impala. At least he won’t have to pay off his student loans but what happens then? Do his parents have to pay for that shit? That wouldn’t be fair.

He cries out for help again but he seriously doubts anyone can hear him. Nobody can reach them, no one can get through a fire like that.

And then it occurs to him…

No one _human_ can get through a fire like that.

“Cas!” he shouts as loud as he can. “Cas, get your feathery ass down here!”

For some stupid reason he thinks he’ll have to beg and explain why he needs help, why Cas is suddenly allowed to break all the strict rules Dean laid out for him, but no, Castiel is right there in a blink of an eye, grabbing the blocks of rubbish like they weight nothing, digging Dean out of the pile. Even with the pressure gone, Dean still can’t feel his arm. He doesn’t have time to worry about it though, or even examine it properly, because the next thing he knows Castiel is crouching down next to him, touching two fingers to his forehead and all pain and discomfort leaves Dean’s body right there and then.

“The kid—”

Cas nods and moves quickly, lifting the child in his arms. The building makes this deep, croaking noise. Dean knows it can’t be good but he doesn’t need to think of an escape plan because Castiel reaches for his hand and they’re gone. There’s this extremely unpleasant feeling in his gut but when Dean opens his eyes less than a second later, they’re outside in the back alley, safe from the fire (although Dean would like to move away from the building nonetheless in case there’s an explosion).

“You came,” he mutters, breathless. He doesn’t know why he’s so surprised. A part of him feared Cas would make it hard, that he might use the situation to get some leverage on Dean at last.

But instead he just stands there, passing the unconscious kid into his arms.

“I always come when you call,” he responds solemnly. He’s not throwing it in Dean’s face, it’s more like a promise; he’ll always be there when Dean needs him.

And just as he came, he’s gone, leaving Dean standing alone with the kid. He sprints into action right away, turning around the corner to join his crew who had been worried sick about him. He gets greeted like a hero but Dean runs away from any compliments as fast as he can. He can’t claim any credit for saving that kid and it pains him that he can never tell anybody who the real hero was that night.

But he knows. He will always know. Cas saved his life, yet again. Selflessly, without expecting or asking for anything in return. _Yet again._

It’s already morning when he’s out of the uniform, clean and ready to go home. He’s not ready to go to sleep even though the adrenaline rush is gone and his body feels like it is made of bricks. He’s wide awake, reliving that moment where he thought he was never going to see his family again. He sits in the car in silence with a thick lump in his throat. Looking down at the phone in his hands, he thinks of calling his mother but she’s probably working or preparing for her day. And what’s he going to say anyway? _Hi, mom, I almost died last night but I didn’t after all, how’s your day?_ Why worry her? No, he’s not going to do that to her. It’s the first time he had a close call but he’ll get over it...

He drives but he doesn’t go home. Instead he finds himself marching into a flower shop, eyes scanning the room for Castiel. He’s chatting up a customer, an old lady that looks up at him like he’s a god. In a way, he is, not that she knows it. He’s looking as handsome as ever, effortlessly so. Cas wears the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, the top two buttons open, revealing just a little skin. He hasn’t noticed Dean yet.

The flower shop has all the fancy stuff people come here for but Dean finds what he wants in a smaller, humble bouquet of daisies. They’re simple and delicate and remind Dean of going to the farmers market with Cas. He grabs it and walks over to his roommate. The demon finally notices him and excuses himself for a second. To him it’s like nothing happened, it’s just another morning.

“Dean, how are you?”

Without thinking Dean pulls him in for a bone-crushing hug. Or at least it would be, if Cas wasn’t who knows how many times stronger than him. Cas just awkwardly stands there, not knowing how to react or what is happening, always so confused by human emotions (and even more so by Dean’s). After a few seconds, he puts his arms around Dean too, patting his back twice.

“Are you okay?” he whispers close to Dean’s ear.

Dean pulls away at once, eyes glued to his shoes while he clears his throat.

“Yeah…” he responds, his voice coming out quieter than he’d intended. He chuckles nervously and nods, shaking off his feelings like they’re undesirable gum stuck in his shoe. “Yeah, just—just came to say thank you.”

“There’s no need.”

“No, I know but… but yes, there is. So… thank you. Here, these are for you.”

Dean offers him the bouquet. It brings out such a bright smile in Cas, like Dean’s offering him diamonds instead of one of the cheapest flowers in the shop.

“Daisies. They’re my favourite.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He remembers, Cas has mentioned it a few times. He always gets excited to see them.

“Thank you, I love them.”

After paying for the flowers, Dean heads home alone. Somehow, just seeing Cas and saying thank you has calmed him down a little. He needed Cas to know Dean appreciates him, even if he doesn’t always show it and he constantly nags the demon. Moreover, making peace with himself and the fact that he does appreciate Castiel finally quiets his mind enough that he might be able to rest after the events of that night.

When he gets home, he stands in the living room, taking in the view, the perfectly organized room. Cas is a tidy guy, he keeps a nice home for the both of them. 

Their home. It’s their home. Castiel’s just as much as Dean’s.

And yet when he glances around the room, silent with the absence of his roommate, the only proof that this is, in fact, Castiel’s home, is the amount of plants on it. The pictures on the wall are all Dean’s, of his family and friends. The books, decorations and souvenirs in the bookcase are also his, so are the magnets in the fridge, the collection of records, the art on the walls...

Before getting into bed, Dean sits down on the couch for a moment. He takes his phone out and starts going through the gallery of photos. He’s not the type to photograph every moment of his life, he will be caught dead before making an Instagram account but he’s got a picture or two of Cas. There is this really nice one where he is leaning his forehead against that of the horse he is petting. His eyes are closed, he looks peaceful and happy. Whenever they go to the farmers market, they always take the time to visit the farm animals. Well, Castiel does, Dean just follows him and complains half-heartedly.

A few taps here and there and a minute later Dean’s sent the picture to be printed. He will buy a frame after picking it up. Cas deserves to have a picture of himself framed on the wall, Dean owes him that much. For better or for worse, Castiel is a part of his life now and Dean’s got to make peace with it, once and for all.

The next time Dean goes out with his friends he stops by the door with his hand on the handle. He hesitates but eventually turns on his heels. He licks his lips and opens his mouth but the words don’t come out. Cas doesn’t bother to ask if he can tag along, he’s too polite to insist when he knows Dean doesn’t want him to. He wishes Dean a good night and starts to walk towards his room, oblivious to Dean’s hesitation.

“Do you wanna come with me?” Dean asks before he can change his mind.

Cas’ face lights up like a Christmas tree. He grabs his trench coat and follows him out the apartment. To be fair with him, although he does come off as a very weird guy in front of Dean’s friends, he at least doesn’t mention anything that is particularly damning or strange. He makes no comments about Hell, magic or being a demon, just as they practised. He also doesn’t introduce himself as Dean’s husband which is much appreciated. He is awkward as fuck but everyone seems to like him nonetheless.

“You did pretty well last night, Cas,” Dean tells him the next day while they’re watching a movie together at home. “Might invite you more often now that you’ve got some practise around people.”

 _Like that was the reason you didn’t invite him_ , Dean thinks to himself. _Liar._

If Castiel knows he is full of shit, he doesn’t say so. He just smiles instead, pleased by this new development in their relationship. “Thank you, Dean, I’d like that.”

His smile doesn’t last long though, the next moment he is shifting in his seat, frowning with discomfort with a hand over his stomach. He makes no comment about it but Dean catches it from the corner of his eye. He’s seen Cas do this a few times already throughout the day.

“What is it?” he asks the demon. “Are you in pain or something?’

Castiel shrugs and rubs his stomach. He looks _puzzled_ . “It wouldn’t say _pain_ but I feel… my stomach is making noises and it’s… sort of twisting on itself? I—I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve never felt this way before. It is... unpleasant.”

Dean blinks, realization dawning on him. He sucks in a breath, a dozen different feelings and thoughts crossing his mind, but he pushes all of them down for a moment to deal with later. Instead, to avoid panicking he focuses on the moment and on solving the problem at hand.

“Cas, are you… hungry?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been hungry.”

Looking down at Castiel’s bowl, he finds it empty of chips and popcorn way sooner than it should be by Cas’ standards, only 10 minutes into the movie. Usually Dean finishes his first and then starts eating out of the demon’s because he eats slowly, only to taste the food from time to time while Dean eats like a constantly starving child. Not tonight though, tonight something’s changed.

Dean pauses the movie, also pauses his thoughts when they want to unravel what this all means for them, and walks over to the kitchen. Cas waits patiently on the couch. A few minutes later, Dean comes back with three sandwiches; two for Cas and one for himself because he’s definitely stress-eating at the moment.

Cas digs into it like he’s never tried food before, mouthing an inelegant _thank you_ in between bites. He moans with pleasure and chews with his eyes closed almost as if this is the best thing he’s ever had and not just a random sandwich Dean prepared in a minute. He didn’t even put that much effort into it, maybe he should have, given that it is Castiel’s first, real meal.

“These make me very happy,” he mumbles with his mouth full.

Dean can’t help but chuckle despite the concern bubbling up in his chest. He tears his eyes away from Cas and presses play again on the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, seriously thank you for your comments, you're all lovely <3


	10. YOU BEYOND ME

Now that Castiel eats he needs to learn how to cook. Saying he’s bad at it is an understatement so Dean starts small, first teaching him to make sandwiches. He thinks that’s a safe bet, no one can fuck up a sandwich, except Cas strays away from the safety of ham and cheese and tries stuff like tuna and peas with barbecue sauce. He likes it but Dean can’t help but judge him for it.

“Who the fuck eats tuna sandwiches, Cas?”

“I saw in that movie you showed me, Lilo & Stitch!”

“I  _ seriously _ doubt she added  _ barbecue sauce _ to it, that’s gross, man!”

Pasta and rice are the next step; all he’s got to do is not forget the food in the boiling water and just pour the sauce Dean makes for him on top of it (because expecting Cas to make some sort of sauce for it is just delusional and anyway Dean’s is amazing). Castiel  _ always _ overcooks the pasta and burns the rice so Dean buys him a timer.

“You could use the one in your phone, you know?” he scolds the demon because he hates wasting money on stuff they don’t really need.

Castiel grimaces. “I don’t trust that thing. It knows too much.”

After a few failed attempts to feed himself, one that almost ended up in a house fire (he  _ did _ , actually, start a fire but Cas was able to put it out with his powers before it escalated) and another that had Castiel nearly chopping off a finger while cutting onions (nearly because the knife went through him without hurting him but it’s a matter of time until he becomes mortal and  _ actually _ chops something off), Dean decides it’s better if he’s in charge of the cooking, leaving Cas to make food for himself only if extremely necessary. He doesn’t really mind, all he’s got to do is add a little food to what he is already making for himself and also Castiel always offers to wash the dishes afterwards, so it’s fine. 

“And stick to sandwiches, Cas, stay away from the stove,” Dean orders him.

Castiel throws the burned cloth to the garbage. “I will keep that in mind.”

Even though he’s not allowed to cook anymore, that doesn’t stop Cas from hovering around when Dean’s cooking, watching what his roommate does over his shoulder like he means to do it himself one day. Dean dearly hopes not.

“The batter needs more chocolate chips,” he says way too close to Dean’s neck while he’s making pancakes. He can feel his hot breath and all.

A shiver runs down Dean’s spine. He tries to shuffle away but there’s no space. Why does Cas  _ always _ have to stand so close? 

Dean looks at him over his shoulder, ready to scold him, but his eyes land in Castiel’s lips, chapped and pink. He turns his back on the demon again, his frown deepening. 

“Cas, personal space?”

“More chips, Dean,” Cas repeats, completely ignoring him.

“It’s got too many chips already!” he snaps a little too harshly but Castiel is not bothered by it at all.

Castiel shakes his head at Dean. “There is no such thing as  _ too many _ chips.”

“Trust me, I’m the cook.”

“But they’re  _ my _ pancakes.”

Dean elbows him in an attempt to make space to move towards the stove. Cas barely lets him through. Before Dean pours the batter into the hot pan, Castiel snaps his fingers and a bunch of chocolate chips invade Dean’s perfectly mixed batter.

“Son of a—!”

A soft chuckle escapes Castiel’s lips and slowly builds and builds as Dean glares at him with frustration. He’s not sorry and he’s not taking Dean’s moody behaviour seriously either, he almost never does, somehow knowing Dean doesn’t really mean it, that he tries but fails to get mad. Dean tries to remain serious and not crack while Cas laughs, which doesn’t usually happen. He’s got a nice laugh.

Pointing a finger at him, still acting like he’s mad even though he’s not really, he threatens, “one of these days your sweet tooth is going to end up with a visit to the dentist and we’ll see who’s gonna be laughing then!”

It’s disturbing how well Cas fits into his life, how he’s thriving in the human world after just a few months of being there. Dean’s friends really like him. Charlie adores him, even though Cas is usually confused by her movie references and jokes. They even have a picture of the two of them framed at home, to add to the one with the horse and another one of Cas and Dean at The Roadhouse. Eileen finds him to be really charming and Pamela definitely wants to jump his bones. Benny doesn’t get him at all but he finds that amusing and not as a reason to dislike him. Even Sam gets along with him, finally getting over his fear of the demon to instead get lost in conversations with Cas about history and the world of the supernatural. He could talk to Castiel for hours, sometimes arriving at Dean’s before his brother is home just to hang out with Cas before dinner.

His career kind of seems to be taking off. Castiel is moving forward, taking his first step by starting an internship with the municipality soon, doing something related to urban planning and sustainability. By now he’s finished a few online courses as well. The owner of the flower shop tells him (almost begs him) that he can come back at the end of the internship if he doesn’t find anything else he wants to do.

“You know, you’re doing pretty well, Cas,” Dean tells him over dinner, a few days before Cas is supposed to start his internship.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“I was just thinking…” Dean sucks in a breath, trying to find the right words. He’s been trying to bring this up for days—hell, even  _ weeks _ if not months, but now that he’s about to say it, he can’t remember how he planned to do it. He moves his potatoes from side to side with the fork nervously. “This internship you’re starting soon… it’s a good opportunity for you.”

“I know, that’s why I took it.”

“Yeah but I don’t just mean as a job. You’ll get to meet way more people there than at the flower shop. Probably people your age, other interns. And contacts you can make to help you drive your career.”

“I suppose,” Cas responds distractedly, chewing happily around Dean’s potatoes. He’s a huge fan of potatoes. 

Dean tries not to sigh. He chews on his bottom lip, waiting for Cas to say something else but he seems to be more interested in his dinner. Deciding he’s got to get right down to the point instead of beating around the bush, Dean shifts in his seat anxiously and gets down to it.

“What I’m trying to say is you  _ should _ meet new people. You should get out there and—and make some friends of your own, you know?”

Castiel finally puts his fork down and looks up from his dinner. He’s suddenly more serious and attentive. After a brief pause, he asks in a carefully controlled voice, “do you not want me to see your friends anymore?”

“No, no, it’s not that,” Dean assures him quickly. “I just mean—you’ve got to have a life of your own, you know? Be someone beyond who you are with me. And, hmm, live a little, see other people…  _ experiment. _ ”

Cas tilts his head to the side, confused. “Experiment?”

Dean blushes. Is Cas really going to make him explain it? How can he possibly not get that?

“Yeah, man, experiment. As in, you know… meet people, take them home, have—have sex and—and date—”

He’s got no idea why but he’s blushing ever more now, he can feel the heat in his ears. To make matters worse, suddenly Cas starts to chuckle, laughter building up in his chest, making him bounce a little where he’s sitting. It flusters Dean ever further.

“What?” he asks defensively.

“You—you think I’m—that  _ I  _ am a virgin?” Castiel, the bastard, asks, unable to contain his laughter. Dean doesn't know what to say but his silence is answer enough for Cas. “Dean, I’ve had entire orgies done in my honour. There would be feasts and celebrations that lasted all night, and they would summon me and make offerings for my services, for a good year of harvest.”

In hindsight, Dean should have seen that coming but he can’t help but stare at Cas with his mouth open.

“Even Kings and Queens have summoned me in desperate attempts to produce children.”

“You had  _ children _ ?”

“No, of course not. I  _ helped _ them produce children. My seed would make either of them more fertile. So I would f—”

“Yeah, no, no, I get the picture!” Dean cuts through, holding his hands up.

The conversation took a turn he hadn’t been expecting. All he wanted was to make sure they could both date people without hurting each other’s feelings but now he’s sitting at the dinner table with wild mental images of Castiel getting serviced by an entire village in some crazy orgy. Somehow he can’t believe it, that this sweet, quiet guy that likes to talk to bees also slept with  _ kings _ who willingly bent over for him. Except he then remembers that night when Cas crowded him against the wall, how intense he was, how confident and masculine and—

Dean clears his throat and tries to bring the conversation back to what it should cover.

“Okay, so you’re not a virgin, got it, but that’s not the whole human experience. You’ve never dated. You’ve never been in a relationship with someone.”

Cas shrugs without much interest, his smile slowly fading into that quiet composure he usually shows, and goes back to eating. “Because I had no interest in having one before you… so you want me to go out with people?”

The awkwardness emanating from Cas now begins to make Dean uncomfortable. He can tell, just by the tone of his friend’s voice, that he isn’t thrilled by the turn the conversation is taking.

“I think it’d be good for you,” Dean half lies, half means it. It would be  _ definitely  _ good for Dean, most likely for Cas too.

“And you would be dating too?”

Dean hates the way Cas doesn’t look him in the eyes, how he pretends to chew slowly like his dinner is fascinating and this conversation is causing him distress. Sometimes Dean can pretend to be friends and forget what Cas really feels about him but there will always be something that reminds him of the truth, that the demon is there waiting for him to fall in love too.

“Well, yeah,” Dean eventually gets out. “It’s… I’d like to have people over, sometimes… and know you’re okay with it.”

Castiel nods. 

He’s clearly not okay with it.

“You are free to do whatever you want.”

_ Tell that to your face, _ Dean thinks inwardly but doesn’t share it with his roommate.

The tense silence is so unusual between them, Dean doesn’t know how to deal with it. He hates it.

“Cool,” he mutters after a moment, if only to fill the silence.

They’re so not cool though.

Then out of the blue, still not looking at him, Cas asks, “do you think you will ever date me?”

It’s the question Dean had been dreading. This uncomfortable, cold wave runs down his body and he wants nothing but to exit the room without having to give an answer. If there’s something worse than turning someone down is turning someone  _ you like _ down. Judging by the  _ everything _ about Castiel’s body language at the moment though, Dean’s sure he already knows the answer.

When he finally brings himself up to provide an answer, he stammers inelegantly all the way through it. “I don’t know, Cas. I… don’t wanna… lead you on, you know? I just—I don’t feel that way about you… right now… I mean, we’re friends and I—I care about you just… just not the way you want me to. I’m not saying I  _ never _ will but… yeah, just not right now. And I can’t make you any promises... I’m sorry.”

Castiel takes in the information and lets out a long, slow breath. Finally, he meets Dean’s eyes and smiles a tired smile, although it doesn’t lack his usual kindness.

“You don’t need to apologize, I understand it wasn’t your choice to be bound to me.”

Then he gets to his feet, gathering his utensils and plate even though he hasn’t eaten half of the food in it. He throws the rest of his dinner in the pan with the leftovers and leaves the dirty dishes in the sink, something very unlike him.

“You didn’t like it?” Dean asks.

“I’m just not that hungry and I need to study for my course. Good night, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”

It’s strange when Cas walks away and closes the door of his room behind him without another word. He’s never needed space before, not from Dean. If anything, he’s always too  _ close _ . It’s a very strange feeling indeed that he leaves Dean with. Somehow, although that conversation was necessary, it leaves Dean restless with the feeling that he did not do, in fact, the right thing. It leaves him feeling guilty.

At first Dean is a little hesitant to bring people over. They don’t talk about it again and things go back to normal, for the most part at least, while they pretend there is no leftover awkwardness from that whole conversation, but he still finds himself waiting for Castiel to hook up with someone at the apartment before he feels comfortable enough to follow suit. The first time it happens though, it is nothing like Dean would have expected. Castiel had let him know he was going out with someone. Dean wondered if Cas was expecting to bring some sort of reaction out of him but he just replied with an awkward  _ use protection _ , at a loss for any other words. After dinner Dean makes himself comfortable in bed, not doing anything in particular; watching an episode of this or that on his computer, then changing to a video on Youtube, then momentarily getting distracted by a text or a dating app (he fucking hates them but they are a necessary evil)… It’s one of those nights where he isn’t in the mood for anything in particular and yet he’s got to kill time before it’s a decent time to go to sleep.

At some point he hears Cas return. He’s talking to someone. Dean can’t quite make out any words through the closed door of his room but he can tell the other voice is female. Then a door closes; Castiel’s bedroom, somehow he can just tell. 

_ Good for him _ , Dean thinks, relieved that his roommate did actually follow his advice instead of just suffering for Dean or something.

And then a few minutes later he starts to hear… noises. Noises that gradually and rather quickly begin to escalate. To say that Castiel’s partner is vocal is an understatement. Dean sits in his bed, unsure of what to do. Sam had always been a more discreet sort of roommate; if anyone had to endure the other bringing noisy dates home was Sam, not Dean, so this is definitely something new he’s never experienced before. Is it weird if he listens? Is it unethical or something? It’s just… somewhat  _ remarkable _ how  _ loud _ this person is getting. She’s either faking it way too much or having the time of her life. She’s so out of breath, singing praises to Cas, that Dean can’t help but believe her act.

_ Good for him _ , Dean thinks once again, more sincerely his time. 

And honestly, he is partially amused by the situation, this oddly loud lady Cas brought home.

However when it drags on he decides it  _ is _ weird to keep listening at it, it feels sort of wrong and pervy, especially because it starts to be a bit of a turn on. He puts his headphones on with his favourite playlist of rock classics blasting into his ears, tuning out everything else. Castiel is either using his magic or running really gives him a lot of stamina because he’s definitely lasting longer than the average guy.

What seemed to be an isolated incident though, ends up turning into the new normal. Every time Cas brings someone home, male or female or others, (and it happens more often that Dean had expected it would) it’s a shitshow of sex noises that haunt Dean throughout the night. He does his best not to hear anything but he ends up catching bits of it here and there, like when he needs to go to the bathroom, or when he goes to bed early only to wake up to Cas fucking someone nearby which is  _ awkward _ because his body can’t help but react positively to it. Or the time Dean and Benny were watching a movie when Castiel returned home with someone. Dean panicked inwardly because how was he going to explain to his friend that they had to leave because shit was about to get awkward? It only took a few minutes for the show to start. Benny was extremely amused by the situation, especially when it became obvious Cas was fucking that person against the wall of his room, making the frames of the photographs hanging on the other side rattle dangerously, while Dean was utterly mortified. In the end they decided to leave the apartment for a few hours and drink a few beers in the bar around the corner of the street. The most inopportune time was when Dean was already with someone at home and then Cas brought someone over. Dean couldn’t help but be subconscious about it because even though he was having a great time with his date, he just could not compare to his roommate and the fun his partner seemed to be having.

He just doesn’t get it. Dean’s always been confident, he  _ knows _ he is good in bed, but he just doesn’t get it. How the fuck does Cas manage to bring out that kind of pleasure in people? What on Earth does he do to them? He can’t help but be curious, can’t help looking at his sweet, innocent roommate in a trench coat talking to his oregano plant wondering in what moment, exactly, he turns into the guy that makes people forget all their inhibitions and cry out his name in pleasure and pleas.  _ How? _ Just  _ how _ ? He even brings two people on two different occasions and he also seems to be able to handle a threesome like a champ, like it’s no big deal. It’s  _ infuriating. _ Dean can’t stop thinking about it.

Telling Cas to date people is possibly the worst mistake Dean’s made since they met. It shed a whole new light on Castiel, brought out an entirely different side of him Dean hadn’t considered until then and that he’s not allowed to really witness. Well, he  _ is _ , if he wanted to, and that’s the worst part. He could have that, whatever  _ that _ is, he could have a night with Castiel and see what makes people forget their own names. Dean rarely ever sleeps with guys but Cas… Cas is fucking tempting him by sheer curiosity, truly living up to what he really is, a sinful demon. Dean’s not blind, he’s seen Castiel naked, and even before he was always painfully aware of how handsome his friend is, but to know that in top of that he is great in bed is torture. Hearing him having sex through paper thin walls is torture. Wondering what his hands can do, how his lips can kiss, how hard his thighs can make his body thrust into someone… it’s  _ torture. _

And to make matters  _ even worse _ , he suspects Castiel is somewhat aware of the effect the whole situation is having on him, like he’s taunting Dean. He suspects his roommate accidentally-on-purpose parades around naked or shirtless, ‘forgetting’ to cover properly as he comes out of the bathroom or the bedroom after being with someone, as if to remind Dean of what he could have, what he’s missing while someone else is enjoying that body and what it can do. Dean’s seen it, the red marks of nails in his back, his dishevelled hair (more so than often), his muscles tense from the exercise…

It’s torture…

They’re watching a movie and Dean has been drinking. The alcohol gives him the courage (or the audacity) to be able to ask Castiel that which has been floating around in his mind for a long time—or what feels like it. He doesn’t have enough alcohol in his system to forget this is a bad idea however. It’s stupid, he’s knows he’s being stupid and it’s a stupid question he is about to make but he just can’t help himself anymore, he has to know, it’s driving him crazy. He doesn’t want to wonder anymore, he doesn’t want to think about Castiel having sex with other people, he just needs an answer that is going to put his mind at rest for once and for all. He has to know; is it just a magic thing or is it something else?

“Hey, Cas… can I ask you something? It’s, uh, pretty personal.”

Castiel tears his eyes away from the television, giving Dean his full attention. As always. 

His eyes shine with the light of the TV. His voice is low and reassuring. “Of course, Dean.”

It hits Dean then that he doesn’t really know how to phrase his question, what he wants to get out of it. How do you ask someone to explain how come their sex partners scream his name like they do Castiel’s? How is Castiel supposed to explain how good he’s in bed? Again, it’s a stupid question, he knows it, but Dean’s so curious, he wants to know. What does he do that drives people crazy?

“Listen, I… this is probably inappropriate but I couldn’t help but…  _ hear _ some of your… you know, when you bring someone over, and, hmm, they seem to have a pretty good time.” Dean laughs nervously and swallows hard, fighting the arousal that awakens in him just remembering the way Castiel’s partners call out his name in a way that rumbles through the walls all the way into Dean’s ears, down to his groin. “I guess I just wanna know what… what makes you so... good.”

Castiel stares at him for what feels like an eternity. Flashes of light illuminate his face. Squirming under the scrutiny, Dean blushes and averts his eyes, focusing on the TV for a second before his eyes find their way back to Castiel, almost by magnetism. Dean wonders if he crossed a line, if Castiel finds his question inappropriate, but his face betrays nothing. He’s about to take it back because Cas is taking too long to respond and the silence has grown to be quite charged when the demon finally gives him an answer.

“I could show you, if you want.”

Dean chokes around nothing.

“No, no,” he immediately responds, even though the offer has a shiver running down his spine. He can’t deny he’s curious as fuck, he’d be fucking lying if he said he never imagined sleeping with Cas in an attempt to figure out just what Dean would like enough to have that sort of reaction, but he knows what it’d mean to the demon and he doesn’t want that. “I don’t wanna—you know, hmm…  _ consummate _ this… bond. Marriage. Deal thingy.”

Castiel chuckles at the way Dean struggles to find his words, his sudden embarrassment, laughter rumbling in his chest. He’s  _ enjoying _ the moment, the bastard. He leans in ever so slightly, invading Dean’s personal space even more so than usual, knocking the air out of his lungs just by the hungry look he gives him.

“It’ll mean whatever you want it to mean. I will give you whatever you want, whenever you want. You only need to ask for it.”

So concentrated he is in the blue eyes that hold his stare that he does not notice Castiel’s moving and he jumps when he feels it landing on his upper thigh. Castiel’s hand squeezes Dean’s leg, the side of it brushing against Dean’s groin. He sucks in a breath as his heart skips a beat.

“I don’t—I don’t wanna lead you on, Cas,” he whispers. He’s got no idea why he’s whispering though.

“You don’t need to worry about me. All I want is for you to ask me for it.”

Once more, Castiel’s hand squeezes what he can grab, putting more pressure against Dean’s crotch. Dean’s eyes spare a second and nothing more to look down and the sight sets him ablaze inside. Of course he wants to say yes but goddamn, it seems like a terrible idea to keep blurring the lines between them. He has a list of really convincing and rational reasons why they shouldn’t sleep together but Cas is so goddamn close, making his mind so foggy with sexual tension, that in that moment he can’t quite recall all the things he tells himself are valid points for  _ not _ sleeping with his demon husband.

“Dean,” his friend says, voice hoarse and impossibly sexy, “ask me for it. Say it.”

The last shreds of hesitation crumble to the ground with Castiel’s command. Dean cannot help himself, he’s always liked a partner that takes charge. For a guy that pretends to be a tough guy, nothing turns him on more than being bossed around and Castiel’s gravelly voice is just the cherry on the cake.

He licks his lips and nods shortly once. “Okay, I… I want you to show me.”

“No, not like that,” Castiel teases him, shaking his head as he gets even closer, his hot breath in Dean’s face now. If Dean stretched his neck only a little, he’d be able to kiss him. “Tell me what you want.”

Dean huffs, a mix of impatience and arousal all but bursting out of him. “Damn it, Cas, are you really gonna make me say it?”

Cas, the fucker, grins ever so slightly. “Yes. Say it.”

Feeling the heat on his face, Dean just gets it over with. “I want you to fuck me, okay? Happy?”

“Very,” Cas responds before he moves his hand from Dean’s thigh to his crotch, fondling his package with just the right amount of pressure. 

A shuddering breath is all Dean manages before giving in completely to Cas, breaking the space between them to kiss him. He’s got no idea what he’s doing anymore, all he knows is he’s about to explode with the need to taste Castiel, to bite his lip and get a dose of that something that drives everyone else wild. With a hand behind Dean’s head, Cas sets the pace, kissing him slowly, without using tongue, purposely holding back as he makes it clear he’s in charge and they’re doing things his way for once. Dean trails his tongue over Castiel’s mouth, asking for more, but the demon ignores the request, paying more attention to his hand working Dean into a full erection. It’s a little pathetic but Dean’s been so worked up about this lately, so secretly but undeniably turned on by his own treacherous thoughts, that if Cas just continues like this for long enough, he might just cum from this.

But Cas has other plans.

Without a care in the world, his hands rip Dean’s shirt open and he pushes it down his shoulders. His hands trail up the sides of Dean’s body, spending but a second to cup his face and kiss him one more time before they’re going back down to unzip Dean’s pants. Too stunned and submissive to do anything, Dean just lets him do whatever he wants, lifting his ass when Cas forcefully pulls his pants down. He kicks his shoes off in a hurry. In a haste Cas takes off his socks and finishes pulling his pants off, discarding them on the floor. He bites his lip and takes a moment to ogle Dean’s body, a fire lighting in his eyes. He takes in a deep, slow breath, admiring the view. Dean shifts under his gaze, blushing for the first time in a long time at being almost naked. 

And Cas looks.. unholy, animalistic. Dean sees the demon in him, the power, the confidence, the dominance. Far from being afraid of it though, his heart jolts with excitement.

“Take your shirt off,” Castiel orders him. His hands then hook over the band of Dean’s boxers and he doesn’t even wait for Dean to lift his ass before he tries to pull them down. “I want you naked.”

“What about you?” Dean asks, feeling extra vulnerable being the only once taking his clothes off. It’s not like he doesn’t like it though, even if he wants to see some skin too. It’s a power play, he knows it, and it’s working for him. It’s barely been a minute and he’s already aroused as hell.

“All in good time,” is all Cas responds. “Lay down.”

With a hand on his chest, Castiel guides him to rest across the sofa while he slides off the couch to kneel on the floor. Dean swallows nervously as Castiel eyes his fully erect cock, parting his legs and manoeuvring him to bend his knees for better access. Castiel's hands travel slowly from Dean’s ankles, up his legs, his inner thighs, stopping just before they reach the part where Dean really needs to be touched. Dean lifts his head to look at him, holding his breath, as Cas presses a gentle kiss on the side of Dean’s knee, almost as if to tell Dean to ready himself because he’s about to start this for real, then begins trailing open-mouth kisses up his inner thigh.

The transition from Dean’s thighs to his sack is seamless. Cas grabs his length and pulls it up, not to stroke it but to give his mouth better access. The open-mouth kisses don’t last long, soon Cas starts sucking too with just the right amount of pressure, slowly, methodically, taking all the time in the world to build this up for Dean who just lays there going from holding his breath to shuddering. His tongue applies the right amount of pressure just under his balls, then between them, then over them, teasing the base of his cock. Dean’s nails dig into the sofa as he tries to control his breathing, almost as if trying to resist the pleasure building up in him.

“Cas,” he sighs a hand coming down to run through Cas’ hair. Applying the faintest of pressure in the back of Castiel’s head is all he needs to do to convey what he wants;  _ more. _

But his friend, far from giving into Dean’s desire, gently grabs his wrist and moves his hand away. “Be patient,” he whispers, his hot breath on Dean’s body.

He then flattens his tongue right through the space between Dean’s testicles, licking all the way up Dean’s length only to stop there abruptly and get back down. He licks and kisses and sucks, goes all the way down to Dean’s hole to poke at it with his tongue for no more than a few seconds before moving back up.

Dean arches his back and grabs the armrest for dear life as Cas repeats that over and over again, sometimes slowing down, sometimes picking up the pace. With a hand on his stomach, Castiel brings him back down. Partly frustrated but really goddamn turned on, Dean glares down at him and Cas smirks for a second while the tip of his tongue zigzags its way up Dean’s length. He huffs a laugh at the look in Dean’s face which the human finds infuriating but he also loves the contrast between them, how in control and calm Castiel is while he feels he’s losing his mind with anticipation. He wants it all and he wants it now, even though just this, Castiel’s expert tongue and mouth on him, feels amazing. 

Finally Cas starts to slowly jack Dean off while his mouth is still busy down below. The pressure between his balls feels amazing and it’s a zone that rarely ever gets attention from his partners; his female partners usually don’t even think about going there and he doesn’t fuck enough guys that this happens often. The onslaught of the three areas, his ass, cock and sack, has his chest heaving and pleasure coursing through him. Castiel’s mouth moves like he knows just what Dean wants and how to get it.

As Castiel begins to kiss and lick up his shaft, a wet finger pushes against his hole. The pressure is familiar and welcomed but Dean’s lips part and he lets out a tiny gasp nonetheless. Cas is moving too slowly, Dean could take more faster but he realizes the other is in no hurry to get this over. He wants to take Dean apart, to make him love every minute of it while also being on the edge of imploding from impatience and the need to just burst with pleasure already. 

Finally, Castiel’s tongue swirls around the head of Dean’s cock and he sinks down on it. Dean had been so busy focusing on what was happening in his ass he had not seen that coming and so an honest, choked moan escapes from his parted lips. At the same time, Castiel’s finger moves further into Dean. Both hand and mouth work Dean slowly, at the same torturous pace he’s been keeping all along, taking his sweet, sweet time. Breathless moans break away from Dean’s lips as he watches, mesmerized, how Castiel hollows his cheeks and sucks him off. Dean tries to roll his hips to get more—of Castiel’s mouth or finger or both, it doesn’t matter, but Cas pushes the weight of his upper body and forearms against Dean’s waist and holds him still.

Castiel’s hand trails up his body until it finds a nipple and he twists it in his hand to scold Dean for his impatience. It hurts but not enough that Dean wants him to pull away, he likes it. Cas doesn’t relent, holding it between his fingers, while his mouth is fully taking Dean’s cock, his tongue moving slowly against it as he relaxes his throat. 

“Fuck, Cas, please,” Dean whispers. His heart is beating so far, like drums in his ears.

Another finger slips into him, every moment is careful, meant to stretch him, not send him over the edge, but in spite of that Dean just covers his eyes with his hand, losing his mind from all the different sources of pleasure.

Castiel’s warm mouth leaves his cock and he starts to jack him off faster, his fingers curling inside of him just right, brushing that area that has Dean seen stars and crying out in pleasure, repeating Castiel’s name with that same eagerness that comes from everyone who’s lucky enough to have the demon’s hands on them. Cas thrusts his fingers deep into him, his knuckles digging into Dean’s skin, fast and roughly. The pressure inside of Dean is building and building and—

Everything stops at once. Cas gets to his feet, slowly, like he has all the time in the world while Dean’s cock is throbbing, waiting for more, waiting for the final push. Dean’s eyes fly open and an indignant sound rolls out of his mouth with permission. His hand moves towards his erection but a simple, “don’t,” from Cas stops him at once. Dean glares at him in disapproval but he obeys nonetheless.

“Cas—”

“Be patient.”

Cas begins to address himself in such a way that it’s got to be meant to be a spectacle for Dean, another part of the show. The way he undoes his belt, pops the button of his jeans open and unzips his pants, with every single movement controlled and deliberate while he stares down at Dean directly in his eyes, has the human in the couch holding his breath when he had been about to complain that they’d stopped. When Castiel opens his shirt and Dean’s finally free and welcome to stare all he wants, Dean ogles every inch of skin, every curve and muscle in the abdomen and chest and shoulders, eager to touch. Cas is effortlessly gorgeous and ready to go, hard for Dean without needing much preparation. Still, he stands there jacking himself off slowly, letting Dean watch what’s about to go into him. His transformation is incredible and it amazes Dean how he can go from that gentle and soft guy he normally is to a dominant and irresistible force of nature.

“Turn around for me.”

_ God, his voice _ , Dean sighs inwardly, knowing full well he’s never going to forget the way Castiel’s voice sounds when giving him commands during sex. It’s going to haunt him forever in the dead of night, he’s definitely going to end up jacking off to it in the future, porn be damned. 

Dean does as he’s told, even if he feels exposed as fuck in all fours in the couch. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since he’s been with a guy or maybe it’s just Cas that makes him feel like a newbie all over again. He sees Castiel reaching for his wallet on the coffee table, from where he produces a condom and a small package of lube; the fucker is ready to go, any time, anywhere.  _ Good for him _ , Dean figures,  _ good for us _ .

“Lay down, Dean,” Cas orders him with the condom package between his teeth. He rips it open, puts it on himself and applies the lube.

Hugging a pillow for dear life, Dean looks over his shoulder as Castiel climbs on top of him, straddling his body, sitting right below his ass. He kneels with one leg on the couch while he plants his other foot on the floor for leverage. The weight of his body presses Dean down, trapping his rock hard cock against the couch. He knows right away that this is by design, that Cas is going to drag this out for as long as possible.

Indeed he does, sitting on top of Dean with his cock between the other’s ass cheeks, groping them with his hands, pulling them apart like he’s playing with them. Dean watches him look down and bite his lower lip with eagerness, yet he patiently touches and teases Dean. 

He can’t help the blush in his cheeks. “Come on, Cas,” Dean grumbles to which Castiel doesn’t reply, he just extends his hand and presses the side of Dean’s head down into the armrest.

“You wanted me to show you how I do it, so I’ll show you.”

When the head of Castiel’s cock begins to push against Dean’s hole, the bottom thinks with excitement and relief that he’s finally convinced Castiel to speed things along, even if he told Dean to be patient. He holds his breath, bracing himself for that feeling of fullness that he knows is coming. He quickly realizes he is wrong though, that Cas once again moves like he has all the time in the world, watching in awe as he sinks into Dean inch by inch, making sure his partner has time to adjust to the full girth. It’s the slowest anyone’s ever penetrated him and it’s not about being careful, it’s about teasing Dean beyond his limits. Cas barely moves a little per second, sometimes going back for a moment before pushing in again, taking what feels like forever to finally be balls deep in Dean. When he does, he closes his eyes and grins before throwing his head back and sighing. He takes a moment to both allow Dean to get used to the feeling and also enjoy it himself, taking a deep breath as if  _ he _ is the one that is too aroused, and not Dean.

Dean feels so full, so ready, chest heaving as he pants against the sofa. And yet he’s desperate for more, for that pounding he knows is coming.

“Cas—please, man…”

Trapped between his body and the couch, Dean’s cock is throbbing, desperate for attention. Dean needs Cas to move and he needs it now. Bracing himself on one arm he tries to turn around but Cas plants a hand between his shoulder blades and pushes him down. The other hand still grabs Dean’s ass, fingers digging into the skin.

“Wait for it. I will give it to you when you really,  _ really _ need.”

Castiel rolls his hips only once, painfully slowly, momentarily brushing against Dean’s prostate, making the body below him squirm and squeeze. Dean tries to keep the pace of his breathing in check out of sheer stubbornness, as if trying to gain some control back, but little pants leave him anyway.

“I  _ really  _ need it. N _ ow _ ,” Dean argues, surprised by how breathless he is, how desperate he’s becoming. He’s never felt this way with anyone before, he’s never had such an overwhelming need to cum. His whole body is tense in a way that is both delicious and maddening, he wants it to go on forever but he also longs to reach his climax right there and then. His thoughts are of nothing but senseless need for more.

“Let the pleasure build inside you until you break,” Castiel tells them in a grave but still soothing voice as he begins to pull out. He keeps that steady, controlled pace of his, enjoying how every inch of him comes in and out of Dean, how his dear human tightens around him. “Let me guide you. Just trust me.”

A desperate sight comes out of Dean and he closes his eyes, giving in to Cas, coming to terms with the realization that the demon is fully in charge, there’s no convincing him. He wanted to know what made people scream his name, what sent them over the edge like that, and, well, he knows it now. Castiel will make him mad with built up desire until there’s nothing else but physical bliss.

Once Dean complies, Castiel’s hands are on his ass again, spreading it to get a full view of the show. Cas lets his head tip forward and concentrates, steadily increasing his pace, thrusting deep every time he’s fully in Dean, making sure he hits that spot that has Dean gripping the armrest and moaning.

“Fuck, yeah, there,” he pants a little louder than intended.

“There?” Cas teases him, snapping his hips again, quick and rough, buried so deep inside of Dean it knocks the air out of him.

“Yes!”

Cas huffs a laugh but Dean can hear the pleasure building up in him too, his breathing is also becoming uneven. Castiel’s pace picks up, his thrusts are harder, deeper, hitting that sweet spot again and again and again, with less and less amount of time between each thrust for Dean to recover from it.

He can’t help it, the way his body tenses up, toes curling, hands clenching. The white hot pressure in his lower abdomen is becoming increasingly overwhelming, the pleasure coursing through him is all he can think about. He feels like he’s going to explode and his body is going to convulse. And now that he needs it the most, he can’t ask for it, can’t even think of words beyond  _ yes, yes, yes _ and  _ please, please please. _

All of a sudden Castiel stops everything he’s doing, staying buried deep inside of Dean without moving. He’s not finished, Dean can tell, he just stopped. Dean inhales sharply, so frustrated he could cry, and glares at his partner over his shoulder. He was so close,  _ so close,  _ having Castiel’s length inside of him without any action is almost torture.

“Cas!” is all Dean can manage. He means to sound mad but it comes out as begging instead.

Castiel grins, hot and mischievous. He’s breathing quickly too but he controls it faster than Dean. He’s  _ always  _ in control. “Wait for it.”

“Wait?” Dean repeats, again louder than intended. “I’m almost there!”

“Not yet. Not until I say so.”

An undignified moan of complain comes out of Dean’s mouth, it makes Cas chuckle and it makes Dean want to kiss that stupid smirk off his face. Just as before, Cas leads his head back down and makes Dean wait, makes him come down from his high even though there’s an underlying threshold that is getting higher and higher by the minute, closer and closer to the edge. 

Just when Dean’s getting cold, Castiel starts again, slowly, sometimes staying fully seated inside of Dean to roll his hips knowing he’s hitting Dean’s sweet spot, if the sounds that come out of his partner are anything to go by. He pulls from Dean’s hair and kisses his neck and smacks his ass and drives him crazy until Dean’s nearly done, only to stop again. Dean asks him to please, just _please_ get it over with but Cas shakes his head and tells him to wait. Trying to arch his body back into Cas doesn’t work, the demon’s too strong and Dean can’t move an inch if Castiel won’t let him.

The third time Castiel picks things up again, Dean is almost bursting with the need to cum right from the beginning.

“Please, Cas, please, let me—Cas—”

Dean repeats his name senselessly with every hard thrust Castiel gives him, forgetting about the neighbours or his dignity for that matter, just begging that this time Cas will let him finish. He can’t even ask for it properly, can’t argue or reason with his accidental husband, all he knows is he can’t get the proper friction needed from his dick and he can’t thrust against Castiel’s but he needs it, he  _ really _ needs it this time... 

Castiel knows it though. He promised he’d give it to Dean when he needed it and so he does, finally fucking him hard and fast and deep, earning from Dean every pornographic sound the human’s heard others give out for Cas before. And now he gets it, how there’s nothing but Castiel and this overwhelming and mind-numbing sensation of physical joy that comes from being teased and edged and cared for.

He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, he just knows he’s being loud as fuck as he finally reaches that glorious release, not even sparing a second to think of what sort of stain that’s going to leave on the couch, that doesn’t matter at all there and then. His orgasm hits him like a train, dragging on for longer than he’s ever felt as Castiel buries himself deep inside of him and rolls his hips over and over again, helping him prolong it. Cas leans with his hands on the armrest, frantically chasing his own orgasm, biting and licking Dean’s neck, making him shiver. He then tenses up, finding his own climax in the way Dean’s body squeezes his length but he doesn’t relent, he keeps going at it, dragging out a second, unexpected orgasm out of Dean. He groans his best friend’s name into his ear, something Dean is positive he will never get out of his head again.

Castiel finally goes still while Dean is all but trembling with the aftermath of his orgasms. He can’t even think of words, his mind is blank. He’s going to need a full fucking minute to recover. Or maybe five.

In a gesture that is bizarrely intimate compared to what they have just done, Castiel gives him a rather sweet kiss on the shoulder and begins to pull out. Before the weight of his body is entirely gone though, he leans close once more and in Dean’s ear he whispers, “and  _ that _ is what you’re missing.”

It’s only when Dean comes down from his high that he realizes what a huge mistake that was. Castiel can go back to normal like nothing happened but Dean can’t. He can’t help but see Cas in this new light, knowing what he’s capable of, that underneath the trench coat there’s this dominant top just waiting to pull Dean apart. And there’s nothing more Castiel would like but to fuck Dean on a daily basis which is worse because Dean could get it again if he wanted to but they really,  _ really  _ shouldn’t do that again. Their friendship is more important than mind-blowing, deeply satisfying, life-changing sex, and so Dean repeats to himself like a mantra to avoid the temptation of slipping under the sheets of Castiel’s bed at night

If not knowing what he was missing was torture, knowing is Hell. Watching Castiel’s hands do  _ anything _ knowing what they could do to him is Hell, his eyes trailing the way Castiel’s tongue moves over the ice cream he always has in the farmers market is Hell. Listening to him having sex with other people now… Dean literally runs out of the house with a very embarrassing boner. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Pamela asks him as she serves him, Charlie and Benny their drinks. She’s looking at him curiously, with concern. He wonders what his face looks like and tries to school his features

Without any reservations, because there’s just no point beating around the bush, Dean admits in distress, “I slept with Cas.”

Charlie gasps and smacks his arm. “Dean!” she scolds him, “you’re not supposed to sleep with someone who has a crush on you!”

“I couldn’t help myself, I was curious!” Dean defends himself although that’s not a good defence at all and he knows it. “And he was cool with it. Hell, cooler than me!”

“Why the long face then?” Pamela asks with a smirk, leaning on the counter with her elbows. He knew she’d find this amusing, he didn’t expect anything less from her. “Was it awkward? Was he very bad at it?”

“No, it was fucking great,  _ that’s _ the problem!”

The girls share a look of confusion while Benny snorts.

“I don’t get it…” Charlie mutters.

“Yeah, how’s that a problem?” Benny asks. He’s barely holding back a smirk of his own.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about it!” Dean begins to rant, raising his voice despite the intimate nature of the subject they’re discussing. “And it’s like he’s ruined sex for me. I slept with three people after him and they didn't even come close. I know I shouldn’t but I keep comparing them to him and it’s just—it’s driving me fucking crazy.”

Benny starts to shake his laughter.

“This isn’t funny!”

“It’s a little funny,” Pamela agrees, grinning widely. She pours him another drink, the kind that he knows is on the house. “So how good is it?”

“He’s  _ really _ good,” Dean groans in despair. His friends can’t help but laugh at how aggravated he looks while saying that statement. “It’s like—it’s like he knows  _ exactly _ what you want and how to give it to you and he does but then he stops, and then he does it again, and on and on, until he has you begging for it. It’s torture. Of the best kind.”

Pamela whistles and Dean recognizes that gleam in her eyes. “Oof, I’ve gotta get me some of that.”

“No!” Dean blurts out before he can help himself. He’s taken aback by his own impulsive reaction. “No, I—it’d be weird if you slept with my roommate.”

“Weirder than  _ you _ sleeping with your roommate?” Charlie counters. Dean glares at her but she merely shrugs and takes a sip of her drink, acting all innocent.

“I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have slept with him.”

Dean leans forwards, resting his forehead in his arms.

Pamela keeps laughing, she doesn’t get his distress at all. “So your problem is that the super nice and handsome roommate that is also your really good friend with whom you get along perfectly fine is also the best sex you’ve ever had? Dean, you’re a moron.”

Although he had been planning to stay longer and fully explain why it’s so terrible knowing Cas is all he wants from a partner in bed, Dean’s got to make a quick exit when Sam calls him. It’s unusual for his brother to phone him so late at night so Dean knows it’s important. When he picks up Sam at the library and he sees him waving Becky goodbye, looking ten shades of uncomfortable in her presence, Dean knows what the call is about right away. 

Dean walks over to Sam, suddenly very nervous. There’s this nasty feeling in the bottom of his stomach, like something’s wrong. When he finally reaches his brother they just stare at each other, somehow knowing what the other is thinking without needs for communication.

“You found a way, didn’t you?” Dean finally asks, chewing his bottom lip, dreading the answer he’d been waiting for for  _ months _ now.

Sam nods. He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to him. Dean stares at it for a second before taking it.

“A way to send him back to Hell, like you asked. It won’t affect you though.”

Dean nods silently. He stares down at the paper without saying a word for a long moment before he stashes it deep in the front pockets of his jeans. He’s got no idea what to say and no intentions of celebrating the finding. He feels really weird about it, like he’s hiding something wrong or dirty or even dangerous. 

“You’re not going to use it, are you?” Sam asks him in a tone that is soft and understanding. He definitely has a right to bitch right now because he’s been working hard to get this information, spending time with someone he can’t stand to get it done, all so that Dean can look like he’s been given terrible news when Sam finally accomplishes the task his brother set him out to do… but instead he gives Dean this look of almost  _ pity _ .

“I’ll think about it,” Dean answers but both of them know he doesn’t mean it. 

Dean thinks he sees something like relief flashing through Sam’s eyes and he wonders just how much his brother and his roommate have bonded, how conflicted Sam must have felt continuing the research behind his new friend’s back for Dean's sake.

After driving Sam home, he heads back to the apartment hoping that Castiel will be done with his sexcapade. He stops behind the door of his own home, standing quietly in the hallway like a pervert trying to catch the telltale noises of his roommate’s adventures but he doesn’t hear anyone moaning Castiel’s name so he goes in.

In the living room he finds Castiel wearing nothing but sweatpants reading through his notes in the couch. He looks... tired, which is unusual. The TV is on but he’s not paying attention to it.

“Heya, Cas.”

When Castiel turns to wave at him, his eyes are but a little closed.

“Hello, Dean. Where were you?”

“Having drinks with the guys,” he says, which is technically not a lie. He doesn’t share that he met up with Sammy too, doesn’t even want to think about the paper in his pocket. “Watcha doing? Studying?”

Castiel nods. He’s been studying almost nonstop for the last exam of the latest course he’s taking. Dean walks over to him and takes the notebook from his hands, leaving it far away on the opposite end of the couch.

“It’s late, dude, take a break. Wanna watch a movie?”

A little smile pulls at the corner of his roommate’s lips. “I do.”

They settle into a comfortable and familiar silence but Dean is restless and barely able to pay any attention to what is going on in the movie. He’s got a lot in his mind yet nothing really makes sense and he doesn’t really want to think much about it either. Instead of trying to unravel what is bothering him, he tries to ignore it and push it into the back of his mind like that will solve everything. He needs a distraction. Only then he realizes things are  _ too quiet,  _ Cas hasn’t asked him a question in over 20 minutes which is unheard of.

“Cas?”

When he looks over to his friend, he’s shocked to find the demon with his eyes closed and head slightly hanging forward. He breathes evenly, relaxed and peaceful.

He’s asleep.

Castiel is sleeping.

Dean’s mouth goes dry as a desert and his heart jolts in his chest with a mix of anxiety and apprehension. He’s got to urge to shake Cas awake but he fights it because he looks so calm and exhausted Dean should probably let him rest. 

But what the fuck.

_ What. The actual. Fuck. _

He swallows hard and runs a hand through his hair, slowly standing up and moving away from Cas. He’s ready to panic but then he sees Cas shuffle to the side, trying to get comfortable. He lets out this soft, content little sight. Dean will take that thought to his grave but he actually thinks Castiel looks rather sweet. Taking the role of the caretaker grounds him, it’s an instinct that takes over him when he cares about someone, and before he knows it he’s looking for a blanket and covering his roommate with it. He’s not sure Castiel is yet bothered by temperature but it just feels like the right thing to do. Then, very gently so as to not wake him up, he moves him slowly until Cas is resting on his side on the couch. Dean pulls his feet up on the couch and turns the TV off, then tiptoes his way into his own room. He throws one last glance in the direction of the demon sleeping in his bedroom, worry bubbling inside of him and threatening to burst out.

What the fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WantsToFlyAfraidToFall, I heard you.


	11. THE ISSUE WITH THE TEA

Dean walks into the apartment feeling numb. He’s… well, shocked, frankly. He puts his keys on the bowl next to the door, sets the grocery bags down on the floor, takes his jacket off, all the things he does automatically when he arrives home, and just stands there for a long moment, frowning to himself, going over the events of that evening. He still hasn’t processed all of it and, to be honest.

“Dean? Is that you?” his brother’s voice calls him from the kitchen. 

He clears his throat before speaking. “Yeah.”

“Finally! You took forever!”

Sam’s head appears from the door leading to the kitchen. At first he looks exasperated—he doesn’t like to wait, but then he begins eyeing his brother curiously and steps into the room, cleaning his hands with a cloth.

“I thought Lisa was having dinner with us?”

Just the mention of her sends something wild and powerful swirling in his chest, something unpleasant that promises to return. It’s a familiar feeling, one that Dean did not miss and hadn’t felt in a long time.

His mouth is suddenly dry but he manages a weak, “yeah.”

When Dean doesn’t offer anything else, Sam narrows his eyes at him and, as he starts to gather the groceries, he asks his brother, “are you okay, Dean? Is she coming or not?”

“Guess not…” Dean mutters while he follows his brother to the kitchen absentmindedly, lost in his thoughts. 

Sam watches him stand by the doorway, staring into nothingness, and sets the bags down in the counter, now growing a little concerned.

“Seriously though, are you okay?”

Dean blinks and looks up. “No, yeah, I—we, huh, we broke up.”

Sam’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and he does a double take on Dean, assessing his reaction, or apparently his lack thereof one. The expression on his face matches the confusion Dean’s feeling inside.

“What? Why, what happened? Did you guys have an argument?”

“Yeah.”

Dean’s short answers obviously begin to exasperate his brother. After a moment of silence, Sam presses, “about...?”

He already suspects what they could have argued about but is truly taken aback by Dean’s unexpected, short response.

“About... tea…”

_ 4 months ago… _

After sleeping with Cas, which Dean isn’t still sure if it’s the best or the worst thing that’s ever happened to him, Benny suggests that maybe he had such a good time because he did it with someone he knows, someone he cares about, instead of the strangers Dean usually brings home. Benny, a hopeless romantic, encourages him to look for a meaningful relationship and stop messing around, says Dean will find that more rewarding in the end. Dean, a  _ closeted  _ romantic in denial, against all odds listens to his friend and so Lisa enters the picture.

She’s wonderful, she’s everything every guy could ever wish for. Extremely attractive, funny, sweet, independent, witty; Lisa’s got it all. They hit it off right away too, setting up a day and time for a date only after a few hours of texting nonstop with amazing chemistry. Their date has to be one of the most organic and pleasant ones Dean’s ever had. They laugh a lot, they flirt back and forth, she touches his arm giving him all the right signs. At the end of the night, he kisses her. By the second date, she invites him in. The sex is really great, but then again Dean’s never had a problem with that. It still doesn’t reach that level of mind-blowing, blinding pleasure Dean felt with Cas but Benny tells him to be patient, to build intimacy and trust so that the sex gets better and better with time.

Dean wants to bring her home but he’s nervous about how Castiel’s going to take it. Dean brought people home before, not nearly as many as Castiel though (and to this day Dean’s not sure how or where the demon manages to pick up so many people), but he’s never introduced them to Cas and never intended to keep seeing them long term. Lisa’s different though, Dean’s really trying here. He knows they agreed it would be fine for both of them to see other people but Dean’s still worried about Cas, afraid to hurt his feelings. He knows it’ll be inevitable though which is why he’s so nervous to bring up Lisa in a conversation.

“So, hmm, Cas…” Dean starts during a movie. He should have done it before but he has only now gathered his courage to do it. “I just wanted to let you know I will, hmm… I invited Lisa over for dinner. Is that… cool with you?”

Castiel tenses up next to him. From the corner of his eye, Dean can see his jaw tightening. His eyes are glued to the TV like his life depends on it. He clearly knows what this means, that Lisa is not just one of Dean’s one night stands. Dean’s dating her,  _ really  _ dating her, and Castiel is probably going to cross paths with her at some point. The idea of the two of them meeting makes Dean really nervous for some reason.

When he responds, his voice is carefully controlled and neutral. Dean hates it when he uses that tone, it’s so  _ artificial _ . “Yes. Do what makes you happy.”

He’s  _ so not _ okay with it though, but Dean had been expecting that, hence why it took him days to tell Castiel.

“Okay, great…”

Castiel doesn’t speak a word for the rest of the movie. The silence is quite uncomfortable and Dean can’t help but long for the dumb questions his roommate makes during movies. He just wants things to be okay between them.

The first time Lisa comes over for dinner, Castiel happens to be out for the night and gets home much later, well past midnight, even though it’s a Wednesday. She stays the night but doesn’t meet Cas in the morning either because he leaves extremely early for work. Dean can tell he’s going out of his way not to see her, not to see  _ him _ with her. Secretly and silently, Dean worries about how this will affect their friendship, that it’ll mean Dean will start seeing less of him as Cas carefully avoids even seeing Dean’s love interest while Dean is also spending a lot of his free time with Lisa, either out and about or at her place. He tries to navigate the uncomfortable situation as best as he can without having to address the issue, because how is he supposed to  _ ask _ Castiel to spend time with the girl he’s dating? That’d be too much to ask, wouldn’t it? He makes sure to always leave dinner ready for Cas if he won’t be home, or check that at least there are the right ingredients at home for a sandwich; he also leaves Castiel’s notes with his schedule because that’s always better than texting him and asks him if he needs anything from Dean, maybe a grocery run or something. When Lisa’s not there though, it’s like nothing’s changed between them but Dean’s got this underlying anxiety he can’t shake off.

Without having to have a discussion about it, Cas eventually relents and finally accepts to join them for dinner one night. By then Lisa and Dean have been dating for over a month and it’s getting surprisingly serious pretty fast. Lisa knows what she wants and she wants a stable relationship. Dean’s never really had one but she seems like a good girl to give it a try with. He’s excited to give it a shot, to finally have that stability and intimacy in his life.

Of course Dean worries about how it’s going to go when Cas sits down for dinner with them. Will he be rude, will he be mad or jealous? Dean worries like he used to worry Cas would go dark side on him in the past, only to be proven wrong, as usual. Castiel is nothing but polite and kind to her. A little quiet, maybe, but isn’t he always anyway? It’s on brand, Dean’s just on edge. He wants them to get along, even if that’s unfair of him to ask from Castiel. It’s like he wants the demon’s blessing, he wants to be able to have Lisa as a girlfriend without losing Cas as a friend.

With time, Dean relaxes and so does Cas and things seem to be going back to normal at home. Castiel joins in when Dean asks him to watch a movie with them, he sits down for dinner with them and also breakfast on the weekends and he tags along when they go out for drinks with Dean’s friends. When they’re alone, it’s like in the good old days, enjoying that comfortable familiarity between them. Lisa does find Castiel a little odd but who doesn’t, honestly? That’s what makes Cas who he is and you either love it or don’t get it. 

The only really awkward moments are when Cas has people over for the night. The first time Lisa hears them, she, just like Dean did the first time, says the woman he brought home has to be exaggerating but Dean assures him, and soon enough she finds out herself, that it’s always like that. Dean has never been more uncomfortable in his entire life like when Cas brought someone over while they were in bed watching Netflix and they kept going through the episode of their show like they weren’t both extremely distracted by the noises. Lisa was amused by the whole thing, Dean was weirdly turned on and wishing Cas would end soon. He never cums fast though, he likes to drag it on (oh, doesn’t Dean know that by experience…). After that, Dean asks Castiel to tell him when he’ll have someone over so he can leave him the apartment all to himself because the situation is just a bit too embarrassing for him but Cas almost always fails to do so. Dean wonders if he honestly forgets, if he just doesn’t like texting that much or if he doesn’t have enough time to warn Dean he’s coming over with someone… or he just doesn’t want to, if he  _ wants _ Dean to hear them and remember what he’s missing, what he could have while instead he’s spending the night with Lisa. He never dares bring it up, they never talk about it, but it’s just an idea in the back of his head.

Dean keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always does, because he’s never been able to have a long and stable and healthy relationship. At some point, he, most often than not, would screw up and ruin things somehow, that’s how things used to go in the past whenever he tried to date someone. He’d always find a way to sabotage the relationship, to push the other person away. But, on the other hand, he’s really proud of himself, of how he’s doing in this still young but caring relationship. He’s  _ nailing _ it, if he can for once in his life give himself some credit for doing something well. He’s being attentive and sweet, he really cares for Lisa and he has a really good time with her. She introduces him to her friends and he charms them effortlessly, fitting into her life like a glove. He makes her smile and treats her with nothing but respect. Gone are the days when all he wanted was to get in someone’s pants even if he didn’t really like them. He’s changing, for the better, and he likes it. He likes the way he is with her, he likes the man he’s become. 

Which is why he is extremely confused when things are suddenly not so great, when she stops smiling all the time and sometimes gives off this vibe like she’s annoyed with him, even though he’s got no clue what he’s done to set her off. Sometimes it seems everything’s cool and they’re heading into the direction of dropping the L-word to each other but other times she looks tense and a little withdrawn. Dean doesn’t get it, he goes over conversations in his head and tries to pinpoint the moment where he did or said something wrong when he really thought he was doing everything right. The situation makes him anxious and he wants to bring it up but he’s not really sure  _ what _ is happening so he doesn’t know how to talk about it in the first place. He’s trying so hard to be the perfect boyfriend, he can’t help but be very disappointed that it doesn’t seem to be working. He does his best to make her happy but in the back of his head he’s anxious, wondering if there’s something inherently wrong with him, if he screwed up so much in the past that he  _ can’t _ , in fact, change, like he thought he had. It keeps him up at night thinking, what if he is one of those people who go their entire lives having toxic, short-lived relationships? It makes his chest ache and his muscles tense.

It all comes to a bizarre and abrupt end on a Friday evening on the organic and imported goods aisle of a supermarket—or the fancy shit, as Dean calls it. His eyes scan the shelves but he doesn’t find what he wants. He checks the time; they’re late, Sam’s probably already at the apartment waiting for them. Honestly though, at this point in their lives, Sam’s a fool for expecting Dean to be on time, history should have taught him by now that Dean’s late more often than not.

“Shit, they’re out of tea,” Dean mutters.

Next to him, Lisa inhales sharply. There’s this air of barely contained annoyance about her that catches him off guard.

“What do you mean they’re out of tea?” she says, gesturing towards all tea packages right before their eyes.

“I meant the brand Cas likes. He’s really weirdly intense about his tea, he only likes this one brand, Lemon Lily.”

Raising her tone but a little, she points out, “we saw that brand in the last supermarket we went to, Dean. Are you telling me we only came this far because you’re still looking for Castiel’s tea?”

“They were out of chamomile, that’s the only one he likes. I know a store that’s going to have it for sure—”

“No,” she starts, folding her arms over her chest and standing her ground, “no, Dean, we’re not going to a  _ fourth _ supermarket just to look for Castiel’s tea. We’re already late. Just grab any and let’s go. We’ve already wasted enough time, I don’t want to keep walking around supermarkets, I want to be with  _ you _ .”

“Lis, we’re together all the time, this is just going to take like 15 more minutes, I promise, the store’s really close.”

“ _ Are _ we together all the time, Dean? You spend an awful amount of time doing things with or for Cas.”

Dean scoffs and tries to keep his expression in check but the accusatory tone in her voice doesn’t sit well with him. “What do you mean?”

“What do  _ you _ mean what do  _ I  _ mean? This is the  _ third  _ store we’ve been to in the last hour, Dean. Cas is—he’s always on the back of your mind. You make him meals every day and you get up early to take him to work and you invite him to watch movies with us every single time, and he’s always there when we’re there—”

“Lisa, he  _ lives _ with me.” And he’s not trying to make her feel like she’s being irrational but Cas  _ does _ live with Dean,  _ obviously _ he’s always there.

Lisa inhales deeply and closes her eyes, trying to find the right words despite her growing frustration. Dean gives her a moment as he tries to subdue his own anxiety. He doesn’t understand where this conversation is coming from or going, he’s completely blindsided by it. What are they even arguing about?

After a second she opens her eyes again and there’s an urgency in them that he can’t understand. He wants to pull her into his arms and kiss her, the distance between them feels like an ocean at the moment, but something about her body language keeps him frozen to where he’s standing instead. 

“I’m just saying, you spend an awful lot of time doing things for or with Castiel,” she tells him. She gives him this pleading look, like she doesn’t want to fight either but she needs him to understand her. He doesn’t though. 

“He’s my best friend,” he responds and shrugs, completely at a loss for the source of her discomfort.

Lisa sighs and looks at him like he’s being dense, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Dean, men don’t go to the farmers market together every weekend. That’s a very... couples thing.” 

“He really likes the farm animals and the organic stuff, you know that,” he defends himself. Cas can’t go if Dean doesn’t drive him and although Dean would never go if it wasn’t for Castiel, he doesn’t  _ mind _ going. They always have ice cream and Cas buys him homemade pie and they walk around a little bit. It’s a nice change from the noise and the busy pace of the city.

He doesn’t know what she wants him to say but that’s clearly not what she wanted to hear. She exhales long and hard, visibly frustrated now. She bites her lip and shakes his head at him, like she can’t believe him.  _ He _ can’t believe they’re fighting over tea in the middle of the supermarket. 

“Yes, well, he’s a grown man, he could go by himself or he could go with a date, but no, he wants to go with  _ you _ and you know why, Dean, don’t try to tell me you don’t, because you and I and everyone else knows he’s got feelings for you. And frankly—frankly you  _ do _ have a weird relationship. It’s not a normal friendship. There’s like this…. tension between you.”

Dean clicks his tongue and shakes his head, finally realizing what she’s so upset about; she’s  _ jealous. _

“No, there isn’t,” he denies automatically. Dean’s worked very hard to get them to a position where they’re just comfortable friends but Lisa doesn’t seem to think they are. 

“Yes, yes there is!” she insists, chest heaving as she throws her arms out. She is growing increasingly agitated every time Dean denies what she says. “Be honest with me, did you use to date or something?” 

“No! Not at all!” He doesn’t know why he says it, why he didn’t just shut up, but before he knows it he admits, “I mean, we had sex _ once _ but that’s it!” 

Lisa’s eyebrows shoot up and she stares at him in bewilderment. “You had  _ sex _ with him?” 

A lady shopping with her kid a few meters away from them throws an disapproving look at them and hurries away with the kid. Dean is mortified; he does  _ not _ like to cause a scene. Everything in him wants to run away from this, to snap back at her and flee because that would be quick and easy, but he stays, he does the right thing, he tries to be honest and mend things with her like a good boyfriend is supposed to.

“I was just curious!” he explains, blushing so hard he feels the heat in his cheeks. “You’ve heard him, it gets so loud when he has someone over, I just wanted to know what the big fuss was all about!” 

“And?” 

“And what?” 

He can’t help but think she looks a little crazy when she crosses her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes at him.

“Was it what you expected? Was he good?”

Dean opens his mouth and closes it again. He cannot think of any way of responding to those questions that’s going to end up well for him. He can’t think of  _ any _ way this  _ entire _ line of conversation can end well for either of them.

“I feel like this is a trap question, Lisa,” he eventually replies. 

“God, you’re blushing! You did like it, didn’t you?” she presses him. Her eyes are now glassy, her small hands balled into fists. She looks at him like he’s betrayed her somehow. Dean wants to kiss that frown off her face.

“Well, yeah! He’s good at it, that’s the whole point!” 

“Dean! Friends don’t sleep with each other because they’re curious if the other is good in bed! Friends don’t stand as close to each other as you two do and—and sort of  _ stare _ into each other’s eyes. This is not normal, Dean, your relationship with Cas is not normal and I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk but it’s making me uncomfortable.” 

There’s this knot in the pit of Dean’s stomach that makes him want to puke. He can tell where this is going but he doesn’t know how to stop it. It’s like watching a traffic accident unfolding from a distance, inevitable and tragic.

“What do you want me to do? He’s my friend.”

“He’s practically your boyfriend, he’s always there. He spends more time with you than me.” 

“He’s my roommate!” 

“Fine, then move in with me,” she offers, reaching out to grab his hand. Hers is sweaty, she’s nervous too. Her touch doesn’t bring the warmth he thought he’d feel, he’s simply cold and utterly confused. “Cas has a good job, he can afford the apartment on his own.”

And it’s true, Castiel can totally afford to live by himself; after his internship he was offered a full time position as a greenhouse supervisor in an urban agriculture company and he’s making quite a decent amount of money. But that’s not the point, that’s not the point at all.

“Are you serious?” 

Her hand tightens over his, her eyes are hopeful. “Yes.” 

Dean swallows hard, knowing in his heart that he can’t even consider the offer seriously. His voice is but a whisper. “Lis, come on...” 

She swallows too, like she knows she can’t convince him, like they both know this is it.

“What?” 

“I can’t just move out like that,” he tells her in a small, soft voice. 

“Yes, yes you can.” 

“You don’t get it, Cas is—he needs me there. He can’t cook to save his life.” 

“He’ll learn, he’s an adult.”

“I drive him everywhere too, I—”

“He can get a license and a car, Dear, or just ride the bus. You’re not responsible for him, he’s not a child.”

Dean wishes he could explain that he  _ is _ , in fact, responsible for the  _ demon _ sharing the apartment with him, but that’s not something that he’s willing to share with her. And even if he did choose to tell her, right there and then would not be the right time, she’d probably think he’s fucking crazy or making up random excuses.

Tone softer, he pleads with her, “Lis… I just can’t. Not right now.”

And it’s not because they’ve been dating for only 4 months, or because they shouldn’t make this kind of decision over an argument, it’s just that Dean knows in his heart that moving out, at this moment in time, is not an option. He’s not even thinking of considering it. He opened his door to Castiel and he took responsibility for him, he can’t just abandon him. It wouldn’t be right. Castiel is still adapting, learning to be human, he’s not ready to move on and be on his own yet.

Her face hardens when yet again facing another rejection. “Can’t or won’t?”

This is it, this is Dean’s last chance to change his mind and salvage the relationship but the silence stretches between them, already telling Lisa all she needs to know.

“Won’t,” Dean eventually says.

She drops her hand and they just stare at each other. A very uncomfortable client walks past them like he can’t get further away from them any faster, having clearly heard bits of their argument. Lisa’s got tears in her eyes and she’s doing everything humanly possible to hold them back. Dean barely contains the impulse to pull her into his arms and comfort her.

“I don’t think this is going to work, Dean.”

Dean sucks in a breath, a cold numbness spreading all over his body. How the hell did this happen? He can’t even remember the entire conversation anymore, even though it happened a second ago. How did they get to this point?

“Are you serious right now? All because—because of the tea?”

She shakes her head, steadying herself before speaking. “Because I don’t want to get between you two but you’re definitely letting Cas get between us. Because I don’t want to be there when you finally realize that you have feelings for Castiel too.”

Lisa leaves him standing alone in the aisle, speechless. It takes him a few seconds to move, to go back to the car and head home, tea now forgotten. Surely Cas will understand. He has dinner with his brother, although Sam offers to leave him alone to deal with the break-up but honestly Dean would rather not be alone to think about how he managed to screw up even the one relationship he really tried to be good for and what that means for him as a person… how he always ruins everything…

Two days later Castiel runs out of the bathroom (with a towel around his waist this time, thank God), grinning and holding out something for Dean to see. Dean squints and finally manages to make out what seems to be a short, white hair resting in the calm of the demon’s hand.

“What am I looking at, Cas?” he asks, looking up at his friend in confusion.

“My first grey hair!” he beams, holding it closer to his eyes. “I’ve never had one before.”

Dean feels the blood in his veins run cold, his stomach dropping. “You’re aging.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments make my day, guys, thank you <3


	12. FIRST HOLIDAYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The grossest, fluffiest chapter shamelessly brought from me to you. No regrets whatsoever.   
> Disclaimer: I don't actually celebrate Christmas so I've no idea what I'm talking about here. Just go along with it.

A few weeks after his break-up with Lisa, Dean’s doing his best to keep his thoughts occupied and away from her. It’s a rough break-up, at least for him, failing so miserably at something he tried so hard to get right makes him feel like a failure, undeserving of that good thing he so badly wanted. He mopes around plenty but at some point he makes a choice to at least  _ try _ to get over it. He doesn’t want to think about her, about their argument, about the implication behind her words; all he wants is a good distraction to keep going so he’s rather excited about the upcoming holidays. 

“You’ll see, Cas, you’re gonna love a good, old traditional Christmas. It’s one of the best things about being human.”

“You know it has pagan roots and now it’s a festivity attributed to the same religion that cast me away, right?”

“.... Whatever, man, you’re gonna love it.”

He takes Cas to buy a fake tree and decorations and they adorn the living room with lights and a pretty good looking Christmas tree. In the evening, the lights from the tree and the ones they hung on the wall over the TV stand create a pretty cozy and dreamy atmosphere. He actually has a pretty good time decorating, it brings him back to his childhood when he used to do it with his mother and Sam. It’s the most effort Dean’s ever put into Christmas decorations as an independent adult but it’s nothing compared to how his parents prepare for the holiday. Mary Winchester likes to go  _ all in _ , she’s got a check list and all; the tree, the lights, the Christmas market, ice skating, making a gingerbread house, watching It’s a Wonderful Life, the presents... Dean really wants Cas to experience all of it, the wholesome side of the holidays, the time off with family and friends that helps recharge the spirit. He thinks they both deserve it after a year of hard work and a roller coaster of feelings and events.

The more he thinks about it, the more excited he gets. Organically, Lisa moves to the back of his mind as he starts counting down the days to the holidays. They need to prepare before leaving; Dean needs to get some new clothes because his mom likes them all to dress up nicely for the Christmas Eve dinner and Cas is going to need better winter clothes because Dean’s parents live in an area that’s way colder than theirs, and of course there is the matter of the presents. Castiel is so nervous about making a good impression, he almost spends an outrageous amount of money on gifts but Dean stops him before he can pay for the items he selected while Dean was distracted. Truth be told, although he doesn’t share it with anyone, he kind of finds it endearing that Cas wants to impress his family but luxurious, random objects are not the way to go with the Winchesters. If anything, buying expensive, thoughtless presents might give John a  _ bad _ impression, like Cas is some kind of rich brat who thinks he can buy them with money, which he's not.

By the time they pack their bags and hit the road, Dean’s possessed by the Christmas spirit, excited like he hasn’t been in years. They have but a few days of time off for their vacation and he plans to make the most of it. He can’t wait to see his parents and eat his mom’s food and play cards with Sammy and Eileen and watch all the old Christmas movies that are going to be playing on TV non-stop. Castiel isn’t sure what he is signing himself up for but he goes along with everything Dean suggests, revelling in all the attention and time he is getting from his dearest friend. 

As they head North, the weather changes, becoming colder and colder with every mile they put behind them. By the time they get to Dean’s parents’ house after hours and hours of driving, they’re completely surrounded by snow. It’s late in the evening already, on the 23rd, and the light and decorations outside the houses create an almost magical atmosphere in the neighbourhood. Dean gets out of the car, grinding brightly, not at all disappointed with the view.

“Oh, man, we gotta take a walk around the neighbourhood after dinner,” he tells Cas, who nods silently. Castiel is almost sweating with nerves as they walk up to the house. Dean laughs and elbows him in the ribs. “Relax, man, they’re gonna like you.”

Sam is the one who opens the door and welcomes them inside. Mary hurries to greet them, giving both Dean and Cas a big hug. Castiel is slightly taken aback by the warm welcome but Dean sees a shy smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Then John comes and gives his son a hug and pat on the back, then shakes hands with Castiel. Introductions are made but not a lot of time is wasted, Dean takes their bags and waltzes in like he owns the place, Castiel following suit quietly, like a shadow. Eileen is there too though and Cas finds comfort in seeing not just someone else there who is not part of the immediate family as well, but a friend.

Almost every room in the house has some sort of tasteful Christmas decoration, just as Dean had expected. The smell of baked goods carries from the kitchen into the hallway and the living room, making Dean already hungry for it. He’s sure there’s gonna be pie; his mom  _ always _ makes him pie, his favourite, but he’s not going to get any until tomorrow at the very least. The Christmas tree in the living room is glorious, a real pine tree way bigger than the plastic imitation they bought, decorated by his mother’s expert touch. It puts their tree to shame, even if they decorated it with a lot of effort. 

“Would you look at this, Cas?  _ That _ is what I call a Christmas tree,” he tells his roommate with a boyish smile.

Castiel chuckles at his enthusiasm. “It’s quite beautiful,” he agrees as he stands next to Dean.

“So you’ve really never celebrated Christmas before?” John asks as he takes his seat on the couch again, lowering the volume of the TV in favour of making conversation with his family and guest.

“No, my family was… unconventional,” Cas offers. After months of practising, he’s finally good at lying on the spot and providing vague but unsuspicious answers to certain questions about his past, some of them rehearsed replies he’s fabricated with Dean as his adviser. There’s no need to lie a lot though; whenever he barely hints that his family is dead or out of the picture, people stop asking questions right away, afraid of touching a nerve by accident.

“This is your first Christmas, then?” Mary says as she comes in, holding two plates of leftovers for the boys. The rest of them have already eaten. “That’s a lot of pressure, I hope we don’t disappoint.”

“No need to worry at all. I’m just thankful to have been invited, Mrs Winchester. It’s a pleasure to be here.”

“You can call me Mary, dear.”

Castiel nods and smiles and Dean can see it in his eyes, the pleasure of feeling welcome. “Dean’s got a lot planned and it all sounds lovely,” Castiel adds kindly.

“Oh, he does?” Mary’s lips twitch in a little smirk Dean doesn’t miss but he doesn’t say anything as he reaches for his plate. Teasingly she asks, “is there a schedule?”

“Airtight,” Dean responds with his mouth full of food. “Eat up, Cas, we gotta go see the lights.”

“Dean, let him eat,” Sam chuckles. 

Eileen walks over to him with two cups of tea and sits beside him on the loveseat by the window. With a cheeky smile, she signs something to him, something Dean misses, and he chuckles and looks up to see the mistletoe hanging above them before leaning down to kiss her, a light but tender peck of her lips.

Castiel, who watched the entire interaction, leans closer to Dean and whispers, “what does that mean, when she pointed out the mistletoe?”

“Traditionally, you gotta kiss someone if you’re both standing under the mistletoe.”

“Oh…”

Dean watches his eyes shine with this new knowledge, how Cas is storing it away probably for later. He reminds himself not to sit there, just in case Castiel tries to kiss him and things get awkward. 

Dean practically bullies Castiel to finish his dinner faster, childlike eagerness keeping him on the tip of his toes, ready to put his winter boots back on and get out on the street. Cas wants tea but Dean drags him out of the door before his mom can heat up the water. Sam and Eileen join them in their little excursion.

It’s bloody cold outside but Dean thinks they can walk a few streets before heading back. Sam and Eileen walk in front of them, Eileen’s arm wrapped around his arm, chasing his warmth. Dean doesn't miss the way Cas looks at them, like he wishes that was him and Dean instead. 

They walk in silence, their arms brushing against each other, admiring the view, the details with which the neighbours have decorated their houses and front lawns. Dean feels at home in his heart, despite the distance with his  _ actual _ home and the fact that he walks around a neighbourhood he barely recognizes. He’s happy, content in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. He’s excited for the days to come but also really enjoying the present. Not even the cold bothers him, even though it’s not his favourite weather. He’s just got everything he’s ever wanted, even if he’s still missing a partner in his life. For a few hours at least he completely forgets about Lisa.

“Isn’t that awesome?” Dean asks when they reach a house that has an inflatable Santa on a sled with the reindeer and all in their roof. There are all kinds of lights adorning the trees in the front yard and the porch. A huge wreath hangs in the door with a bright red bow. Dean’s in love with it all, hopes to get to do that in his own home one day.

Next to him, Cas nods silently. Dean’s kind of disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm but then he notices Castiel has his arms around himself and is making himself small; the idiot is cold and hasn’t said anything about it in who knows how long.

“Dude, do you wanna get back?”

“No,” Castiel answers way too fast. Dean can’t help but smile at the lengths Cas will go just to hold Dean’s attention. “Why?”

“You’re obviously cold.”

Castiel scoffs and shakes his head in indignation. “I am  _ not _ cold.”

Dean has to laugh at his stubbornness. He takes a glove off and grabs one of Castiel’s hands; it is positively freezing, it has to hurt like a bitch. 

“Cas, you’re gonna lose a finger,” Dean chuckles, removing the other glove to give it to him.

“But I’m never cold,” Castiel mutters to himself, puzzled by this new sensation. “I’m—”

“Indifferent to weather, I know. It seems like you’re not anymore, buddy. Here, let’s warm you up.”

Dean takes his scarf off and wraps it around Cas, then makes sure to zip him up as high as his jacket will allow. He also gives him his hat, pulling it down to cover the ears.

“You’ll get cold,” Castiel tells him although he doesn’t refuse the clothes. For some reason he always likes wearing Dean’s clothes, like that means they’re closer to each other somehow. It might be an idea he got from all those movies Dean's showed him.

“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Dean assures him, shrugging it off before throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulder, moving his hand up and down Castiel’s arm in an attempt to warm him up. Something in the back of his mind tells him to stop, that he’s getting too close, looking too much like Eileen and Sam, but he swallows that thought and pushes it to the back of his mind.

Cas adjusts the scarf, pulling it further up his neck, partially hiding his face, but Dean can see him smiling. “Can we walk a little longer?” he asks Dean.

“Sure, Cas.”

They keep walking for a few minutes, Dean’s arm still lazily wrapped around Castiel’s shoulder. Sam takes a look back at them in the distance, and even in the dark Dean can see him raising a questioning eyebrow at him. He tries not to overthink the situation, because he knows their closeness means something different to Cas than what it does to him and it's important to keep the lines between them clearly defined, but right there and then he can’t be bothered to follow his self-imposed rules. Cas is cold, Dean is warm, fuck it. It’s Dean’s fault that Cas is cold anyway, it’s because he cares about the demon that he is losing his powers, so Dean can walk him home with an arm around him, right? No need to make a big deal out of it.

Back at home, Castiel finally has his tea by the Christmas tree, taking in the details of the ornaments while Dean takes their bags down to the basement. Dean’s sleeping on the pullout couch and Cas in an air mattress since Sam and Eileen get the guest-bedroom. They could have easily paid to stay in a hotel but Dean wants Castiel to have a real Christmas experience, with quality family time, stuffing themselves Mary's Christmas cookies in the morning and watching movies in the living room until they can’t keep their eyes open anymore and Johns starts to snore, instead of finding themselves in boring hotel rooms with beige, empty walls, quiet hallways and ordinary croissants for breakfast.

Sam and Eileen go to bed early but Dean, his parents and Cas catch Die Hard only minutes after it started on TV. Castiel’s confused from the get-go even though Dean caught him up with what little they’ve missed.

“I don’t understand how this is a Christmas movie. It seems rather violent?” he whispers in Dean’s ear to avoid annoying Dean’s parents with his questions.

“Cause it’s Christmas. In the movie.”

“That is all it takes?”

Dean chuckles and shrugs. “Well, yeah.”

Castiel leans away and frowns, not convinced at all, but he continues to watch the movie. Only a few minutes after he leans closer again, so much so that Dean feels his breath on his neck, causing the hairs in the back of his neck to stand, and wonders, “is it customary for companies to hold parties on Christmas eve? I wasn’t invited to one…”

“Huh, I never thought about that… that’s… kind of a plot hole I guess cause no, companies don’t normally have parties on Christmas eve…”

Dean’s going to add something but when he catches his mother’s eyes, who has this poorly concealed knowing smile in her face, looking at the two of them like they’re adorable together. Dean narrows her eyes at her and shakes his head, knowing full well what’s going through her mind. Self-conscious of his closeness to Cas now, he looks away and makes a point not to lean in too close anymore.

The next morning Dean wakes up uncharacteristically early, too excited to sleep in, but Cas still beats him to it. Dean finds him in the kitchen, sitting at the counter having breakfast with Eileen and Mary. There’s this slight shyness and awkwardness about him, this tension in his shoulders that is not normally there and that Dean recognizes as Cas being nervous about being around people he wants to win over. He’s doing a great job, by the looks of it, although it’s not really hard with Eileen and his mom, who are both really nice people. Dean gives his mother a kiss on the cheek, signs a good morning to Eileen and sits next to Cas for breakfast, giving him a pat on the back before stealing food off his plate like a starving child. Castiel doesn’t mind though, he likes to have Dean leaning close to him more than he cares about the food.

“What are you boys doing today?” Mary asks her son.

“We’re going to the Christmas market, then lunch, then we’re watching a screening of Nightmare Before Christmas,” Dean responds. 

“Do you want to come?” Cas asks Eileen, expertly signing along with his hands.

Eileen shakes her head. “We went yesterday, but thank you,” she says while she signs back.

Dean’s glad she said no because the tickets are actually sold out, he got theirs over a week ago.

After a ton of coffee, some cookies and toasts with eggs, he drags Castiel out the door, but not before making sure that this time the demon (is it still fair to call him that?, Dean wonders) has a sweater below his winter jacket, his gloves, hat and scarf. 

“I’m having a hard time moving, Dean,” Castiel says, voice muffled, through the scarf that partially covers his face.

“Good, that means you’re properly wrapped up.”

The Christmas market is not that far but Dean drives them there nonetheless because walking on the snow is annoying. Castiel is in love with it since the moment they arrive, it’s just his type of place and Dean knows it. They—well, Cas— take their sweet time in each and every stand. The smaller the business, the better. Castiel’s eyes need to take everything in and he often pulls at Dean’s arm or hand or touches his shoulder to show him something. At some point it occurs to Dean how he’s no longer uncomfortable with the demon’s touch, he’s grown familiar to it. Cas standing or sitting too close, or whispering things in his ear or stealing touches where he can, is as normal as the sun rising in the horizon every morning. Maybe it shouldn’t be but there’s no doubt it is.

If the stand they visit is selling food, they stay there for a good while debating whether they should or should not take something with them. More often than not they end up buying at least a little something that they share, like truffles, candy, hot chocolate and cookies. Cas goes to town, buying maybe a little more than they can carry comfortably, eager to stock up on decorations for the next year. After seeing the Winchester’s home, he’s got higher standards for his own.

They have lunch in a cozy, little restaurant after stuffing the trunk of the car with their purchases. They already ate so much during the morning they’re not that hungry but they’ve got to kill time so they stay there nonetheless, talking for about two hours. When he thinks about it, Dean’s got no idea how they can keep the conversation going, how topics keep popping up without any awkward silent pauses between them, because they spend so much time together one would think by now they would have run out of things to say, but they haven’t. Cas is an endless source of fascinating facts and remarks and though Dean doesn’t feel half as smart or knowledgeable as his friend, he relishes in his capacity to make him laugh like no one else can and teach him things about the human world and human nature.

One of the topics that comes up is preparations for the next year. Cas wants to pick up some traditions that Dean didn’t include this year, like making a gingerbread house, sending holiday cards (Castiel loves mail, for some reason), buying an advent calendar (one with chocolates) and wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters. Dean’s not very convinced by the latter but he suspects Cas might just convince him with time; he’s got a whole year because, yeah, it’s official, his roommate is here to stay, nobody expects otherwise anymore. A few things do stay off the list though, like carolling, because neither of them want to sing for strangers, and going to church, because Cas is afraid he might still burst into flames if he tries to go in. Neither is the praying type anyway.

Knowing full well Castiel is going to have a bunch of questions during Nightmare Before Christmas, Dean leads them to sit in a corner at the back of the auditorium. The crowd is quite mixed, some people have brought their children while others have brought their dates. The couple sitting not too far away from them makes out at least half the movie which is kind of awkward to watch from the corner of his eyes, even if Dean doesn’t mean to, while he also has Castiel leaning in to whisper in his ear every other couple of minutes (Dean was right, Cas has  _ so many _ questions about this movie). It hits Dean there and then, as they sit in a dark, intimate corner with that other couple eating each other’s faces, how much everything they’ve done all day pretty much looks like a date. Anyone who doesn’t know them could have easily mistaken them for a couple. Quite a lovely one, not that it matters… He’d freak out about it if Castiel didn’t constantly distract him with questions, questions that don’t stop even once they’re out of the theatre.

Dean has not felt this good in a long time. It’s not that he hasn’t been happy lately, even though he was upset about the whole Lisa fiasco, but he’s really reaching a peak that night. The Winchesters dress up nicely for Christmas, wearing proper shirts and all. The amount of food his mother prepared is unbelievable and his favourite people on Earth gather around the table to eat. It’s just everything he ever wanted, his family happy, his life on the right track, his mind in peace. He doesn’t even remember that he set out on a mission to have a perfect Christmas to distract himself from his sudden and unexpected break-up with Lisa, it doesn’t really matter there and then.

After having a long, pleasant dinner, a brief rest for dessert and then  _ more _ food (Dean is about to burst but nothing will ever stop him from having pie), they all watch It’s a Wonderful Life together. In the middle of the movie Cas gasps and whispers in his ear, “oh, I suppose this is why Meg calls my Clarence. I can’t believe I finally understood a reference...”

It’s the only time during their small vacation that Dean tenses up. He’s no fan of Castiel’s colleague and first friend (at least a friend that wasn’t Dean’s before, that is), Meg Master, but he’s not about to share his opinion with Cas. There is this sort of rivalry between Dean and Meg that Castiel seems to be oblivious of and neither of them brings it up. Dean’s not even sure why it’s there in the first place, it’s just the way things are. Maybe it’s the way she walks around the apartment wearing nothing but Castiel’s shirt and her underwear when she leaves Cas’ bedroom, like she owns the place, because, yeah, they have sex sometimes; maybe because she’s thoughtless and doesn’t even try to be quiet when she comes over and stays the night even though she knows Dean works in the morning or maybe it’s because she’s got this challenging attitude Dean can’t deal with, but for whatever reason they are forever passive aggressive towards each other, arguing for no real reason. It’s the same with Balthazar, another one of Castiel’s friends; the guy in an insufferable, arrogant flirt. He’s not sleeping with Cas (anymore at least), but he still calls him things like  _ babe _ and  _ darling _ . Alfie’s the only one who doesn’t get on Dean’s nerves, he’s basically an even mellower version of Castiel.

After that movie, Dean’s parents go to bed but the boys, Sam and Eileen stay up to watch Home Alone. Eileen can’t believe Castiel’s never seen it, Castiel simply reminds her he grew up without a TV; it is yet another of the rehearsed lies he’s gotten used to by now. Cas is  _ profoundly _ confused by this movie, pointing out plot holes and concerns over Kevin’s mental stability, and Dean can’t help but laugh hard most of the time. Movies are just so much better with Cas’ remarks and questions.

Christmas day is one of the nicest days Dean’s ever had. In the morning they open the presents. Castiel is a little nervous about how his gifts will be received even though Dean helped him pick them; he’s just that concerned about making a good impression. It all goes smoothly though, and even he gets presents he’s excited about. He can barely put down the plant encyclopedia Dean’s parents got him, which looks quite impressive. Dean’s sort of surprised his parents put so much effort into a guest’ present.

“It’s your first Christmas present, we didn’t want to disappoint,” Mary tells him, touching his arm with affection.

Cas is quiet but happy, hugging the book close to his chest like he treasures it.

The morning is spent mostly playing card games and eating, except John just watches them from a corner while he reads the paper for which Dean calls him an old man. Dean watches Cas relax in the presence of his family as he gets to them more and more, feeling less like an outsider and more like a family friend. Sam has long ago given up his mistrust for him, Eileen and him have become good friends, and Mary welcomes him like a son, like she does with everybody. John is a harder nut to crack but that’s just normal, he’s a guy of few words. He seems to like Cas though, Dean thinks. That pleases him. He doesn’t know quite why because it doesn’t really matter, but it does, he cares what his parents think of Castiel. After all, he’s going to be in their lives for a long time.

Close to lunch, when they have given up all pretences of making an actual lunch instead of just continuing to eat snacks and desserts, Dean goes to the kitchen to make coffee for everybody and refill their plates. He’s just putting the water to heat up when John walks into the kitchen carrying some used mugs that need refilling. 

“Oh, thanks, dad. I was just about to get them.”

“No problem, no problem…”

John puts the mugs down on the counter next to his son and leans with a hand on the marble, clearly lingering around with something in his mind. Dean can tell he’s being weird right away.

“What?” he asks his father, looking at him up and down.

“Nothing…” John responds unconvincingly. “Just… Castiel is nice. I’m glad we finally got to meet him.”

“Yeah, I think he’s having a good time. A nice first Christmas.”

John nods but doesn’t move. Dean frowns at his dad, still feeling that weird vibe coming from him. The silence is getting awkward. He tries to remember if he missed doing something his parents asked him or giving them money back or something, but he can’t think of anything as he cuts more pie.

“He’s a little weird,” John finally says, if only to fill the silence. For a second he looks mortified by his choice of words, so he quickly adds, gesturing nervously with his hands, “not in a bad way, though. He’s nice, he’s fine—”

“Yeah, you already said that, dad,” Dean chuckles. “And you can say he’s weird, that’s fine, we all know that.”

“Yes, so... if you want to bring him over more often, that’s okay…”

Dean lifts an eyebrow.

_ What the hell is happening? _

“Okay… Cool.”

John takes a deep breath, like he’s gathering his courage, and says, pausing awkwardly here and there, “what I mean is… if, you know… if you and Castiel are… together… “—Dean cringes—“I don’t care. I mean, not in a bad way.”

Suddenly understanding what kind of conversation this is, Dean sucks in a breath and blushes ten shades of gray, shoulders tensing up.

“Jesus, dad—”

“Your mom and I are okay with whoever you choose to bring home, we just want to make sure you know that, son.”

“We’re not together, dad, we’re just friends,” Dean replies in a low, hurried voice, scandalized. As touched as he is to hear those words, he is mortified to have to talk to his dad in any shape or form about his sexual or romantic life. Or lack thereof one.

“Oh!  _ Oh… _ ” John frowns to himself, now confused. Dean sees him rethinking the entire past few days in a few seconds, trying to pinpoint where he got it wrong. Cas  _ really _ shouldn’t lean is so close, should he? Eventually John lifts his gaze, looks around to make sure they’re still alone, and in a quieter tone he says, “Dean, you know he’s in love with you, don’t you?”

Dean swallows hard. 

Is it really  _ that _ obvious that his own parents noticed in less than two days?

He averts his eyes and nods. The water is already hot and waiting for him.

“Yeah… Yeah, I know.”

It’s very unlike John to pry or have any conversation that includes discussing feelings but he can’t seem to be able to help himself when he asks his son, “and you don’t feel the same way?”

Dean does this awkward combination of a shrug and a shake of his head. “It’s complicated,” is all he settles for because how the hell is he supposed to explain his journey with Cas to his Catholic father? If he knew what Cas was, what sleeps under his roof, Dean’s not so sure he’d be so welcoming…

“I do like… men…” Dean mutters, half cringing at letting those words out of his mouth, half finding it extremely liberating, “but, yeah, no, Cas and I… we’re not a thing.”

“Okay…” John nods, unsure of what to make about Dean’s entire posture, his tone, his body language, but he doesn’t press the subject any further. Instead he pats his son in the back and begins to walk away. “Whatever makes you happy, son.”

Not long after noon, Dean drives Castiel, Sam and Eileen to the outdoors skating rink. Even though the sun goes down quite early in the afternoon, pretty lights adorn the entire park, giving the surroundings a magical air about it. Sam and Eileen start off first with confidence while Dean stays behind, giving Cas some tips before they head into the ice. Castiel holds onto him for dear life,  _ demanding _ Dean holds his hand the entire time. In fact, he tries to clutch into his friend’s arm but Dean convinces him that the position will be detrimental to his balance, it’ll do more harm than help. 

Cas is completely out of his element and Dean can’t help but find it amusing. Here is this amazing force of nature, this creature with the power of gods, panicking as he balances his weight on two sharp blades, refusing to go down like he needs to prove himself to Dean. He can’t advance more than a few inches at a time, he’s  _ really _ bad at it, and from time to time he accidentally gains speed without knowing how to stop or what to do about it and drags Dean along with him before spinning around and falling into Dean’s arm like his life depends on it, like he’s not immortal. Dean steadies him, his arms around Castiel, only momentarily flustered by their closeness.

“Don’t let go,” Castiel pleads.

His lips are so close, his eyes are so blue. 

Dean swallows and averts his eyes.

“I would never let you fall, Cas,” he teases his friend, although he has already fallen on his ass a few times.

Dean pulls away, aware that his brother’s eyes surely must be on them, and helps Castiel try to stake again.

They have a good time even though Cas is  _ awful _ , just  _ awful _ at it. He seems to like it nonetheless and not just because he has an excuse to hold Dean’s hand for long periods of time. He’s determined to suck a little less every time he gives it another go. They stop for a little while for hot chocolate but get back on the ice until well into the evening, when they head back home for dinner.

Dean and Cas are the last ones to go to bed. Dean watches a movie with his dad and drags him to bed when John falls asleep, while Cas reads through his new encyclopedia with childlike enthusiasm. When Dean comes downstairs again, still not ready for bed, he makes hot chocolate for them because he’s in the mood for something warm and pleasant to match how he feels inside. When he returns to the living room he finds Cas leaning on the windowsill, watching the gentle snow that continues to fall outside. He’s got this lazy smile on his lips that Dean can relate to.

When Dean joins him, he leaves the mugs on the windowsill because maybe he got distracted eating some of the pie leftovers and the milk reached a boiling point so they’re going to burn their mouths like hell if they don’t let it cool off. 

“So? Did you have a good time?” Dean asks him although he already knows the answer.

Castiel nods slowly. “Yes, it was perfect, thank you. Your family is lovely, Dean.”

Dean feels victorious in accomplishing his mission. “Thanks, man. I’m glad you had a good time.”

“It must be nice doing this every year… to have a family like yours…”

The longing in his tone breaks Dean’s heart a little. He knows Cas doesn’t miss Hell or his demon siblings, he knows that’s not what his friend is feeling, but a desire to have a family of his own too, here on Earth, people who will be eager to see him and talk to him, who will gather around the table with him and remember what flavour of pie is his favourite.

“You’re invited to come whenever you want, you know that, right?”

Dean means it, his promise isn’t fake. He would never let Cas spend the holidays home alone, wishing there was someone there with him to exchange gifts with. And Christmas with the Winchesters is only going to get better the more they all get to know each other.

Cas nods again, pursing his lips as he thinks of what he’s going to say next. There’s something in his mind and, wow, Dean realizes how crazy it is that he knows him so well, that he can read Cas like an open book by now. How crazy it is how close they’ve become.

“There’s only one traditional thing we didn’t do though, that I was hoping we would,” Cas shares with him eventually.

Dean lifts an eyebrow, going through his checklist in his mind in a flash. There’s nothing missing, as far as he can tell, they did everything he wanted them to do. “What?”

A shy but sort of mischievous smile slowly spreads across Castiel’s face. He points upwards with one finger and Dean looks up. Hanging above their heads there is a mistletoe, beautiful, green and fresh. It’s a trick of Castiel’s magic, no doubt, because Dean is quite sure the mistletoe wasn’t there just minutes ago. Dean’s heart picks up its pace.

“You did that on purpose,” Dean mutters, blushing.

“You wanted me to have a traditional Christmas,” Castiel argues with a devilish grin, shrugging innocently. He’s barely holding back laughter. He glows with joy.

Despite his cheeky trick, Castiel doesn’t look like he’s about to jump him or impose himself on his friend. He looks back at Dean expectantly, fingers twitching like he can barely hold himself back from reaching out and touching Dean, always respectful, always waiting for the right sign, for Dean’s consent.

“Fine!” Dean growls half-heartedly, grabbing Castiel’s tie and pulling him closer to clash his lips against the demon’s. It’s rough and fast and it’s only supposed to last a second…

But Dean stays where he is, his lips pressed against his friend’s, frozen in time as his heart beats like crazy inside his chest. He can feel Cas smiling into the kiss. His hands move slowly, almost as if not to startle Dean and bring him back to his senses, cupping the side of Dean’s face. A hand travels to comb through Dean’s short hair while the other stays right below Dean’s ear. With embarrassment, Dean thinks Cas probably feels his heart racing. He’s gentle though, his thumb caressing Dean’s cheek tenderly.

When Castiel’s lips part over his, Dean lets him change the kiss from something brusque to a more natural and comfortable position. Castiel’s plump lips feel nice, his stubble prickling Dean’s skin ever so slightly. The hand on the back of his head encourages Dean to deepen the kiss without forcing him, the tip of his tongue trailing along the seam of Dean's lips asking for permission. The human sighs into the kiss, giving in to the warmth of Castiel’s mouth, the tenderness of his touch, without thinking. It’s slow and sensual and intimate, and he’s momentarily hypnotized by the movement of Cas' skilful mouth, the way their tongues play with each other.

Dean holds Castiel’s tie for dear life, forgetting to uphold any walls between them for a moment, kissing back his best friend eagerly like this isn’t dangerously blurring the lines of their carefully crafted friendship. For a moment he can’t be bothered to worry about it, all that’s in his mind is how much he’s into it, how well they move together. He knew Cas was a good kisser from the one and only time they kissed before but it wasn’t like this then. This first kiss wasn’t bad at all by any means but this is different, Dean can feel all the affection Castiel has for him with every soft touch. It should scare him but in that moment he finds himself addicted to it because it feels so good to be cared for, so wholesome, so right.

Castiel is the one to pull away. He rests his forehead against Dean’s, who sighs, breathless, and opens his eyes in confusion, wondering why the fuck they stopped before he remembers they’re friends and that kiss was way more intense than necessary (or recommendable). Castiel smiles with his eyes closed, it tugs something at Dean’s heart. He doesn’t get it, how he can make Cas so happy, what makes him so special in the demon’s eyes, but it’s evident that he does, it is visible in his face.

“Thank you, Dean,” he whispers as he leans away, his hands slipping away. “That was perfect. Best Christmas ever.”

When Castiel’s hands leave him and his friend walks away with his mug, Dean sits there speechless, still gathering his breath. He blinks stupidly a few times before licking his lips, still tasting Cas in his mouth. His thoughts are blurry, full of sensations instead of words, full of Castiel and question marks.

“You’re… welcome…” he whispers but Cas is already gone.

On the 26th, after breakfast, the boys head back home, the car packed with their stuff, everything they bought at the Christmas market and leftovers that should be too much for two people but will probably not last long, if the boys are being honest with themselves. Cas isn’t one to overeat, normally, but he’s got a sweet tooth and a newfound love for Mary’s cooking, while Dean… Dean just doesn’t have limits. They’re in a great mood but Cas shifts in his seat like he’s uncomfortable the entire way. He rolls his shoulders and tries to crack his neck, groaning in discomfort now and then.

“You okay, Cas?” Dean asks him. A few times, actually.

“Yes… My back hurts.”

“I’ll let you sleep on the pullout couch the next time, I slept like a baby.”

Castiel shrugs and says, “but I wasn’t uncomfortable on the mattress. I just… my back really hurts.”

“I’ll get you an anti-inflammatory when we get home, just hang tight.” 

The next day, at around 9 am Dean finally gets out of bed. He’s got the evening shift at the station so he’s not in a hurry, he plans on having a lazy morning at home. He’s still quite sleepy when he drags himself out of bed so he doesn’t realize that Castiel’s trench coat is still hanging on the coat rack. After some coffee though, when his eyes finally begin to really open, he does catch sight of it on his way to the bathroom and finds it quite odd; Cas rarely ever leaves without that thing. Walking closer to the door, he sees his roommate’s keys are in the bowl by the entrance, right next to Dean’s.

“Cas?” he asks as he walks over to his friend's room and knocks on his door with the back of two fingers. “I thought Meg was picking you up, did you fall asleep? Want me to drive you?”

The moment Cas responds Dean knows something’s wrong. His voice comes out shaky and just plain odd. “No, I’m staying home today.”

Dean’s instantly worried. Castiel  _ loves _ his job, he wouldn't just spontaneously take the day off for no reason. 

“Are you okay? Can I come in?”

“I’m okay, Dean,” his friend replies but he sounds far from it. It makes Dean nervous.

“Can I come in, please?” he insists, his hand already on the handle.

Cas sounds rather reluctant but eventually agrees. Dean opens the door and stops dead on his tracks when he sees Cas, the puffy, red eyes, the expression of utter devastation in his face. He’s been crying, no doubt. Then there’s also the way he’s laying on his side, curled up in bed like he’s in pain. Dean’s heart sinks and he rushes to the bed, sitting on the edge.

"Cas, buddy, hey, what happened?"

"N-nothing, I'm fine.”

"The hell you are. Come on, man, you're scaring me, what is it?"

Castiel averts his eyes and shifts in bed, groaning in pain the moment he moves.

“Cas—”

"I lost my wings."

Dean sucks in a breath, feeling a pressure—crushing guilt, most likely—in his chest. Maybe stupidly Dean looks around as if he could actually see the rests of Castiel's wings but obviously his human eyes don’t see anything. He wonders if Cas can see them or maybe he can’t anymore, he wonders what happened to them but he has more sense than to ask.

Gently, lost for words, he reaches out and plants his hand on his friend’s shoulder. He doesn’t know what to say, he’s got no words of comfort. He feels like a piece of shit because this is his fault and because Dean kept him from using his wings all this time without thinking Cas would lose them one day. He was selfish and self-centered and—

“Cas, I’m so sorry,” Dean whispers. 

He closes his eyes, reading himself for Castiel’s spite and anger and resentment but it doesn’t come. Almost in a comforting way, Cas says, "it's okay, this was my choice after all, I knew it was just a matter of time…"

This doesn’t make Dean feel better though, he still feels responsible. Cas is suffering and it’s his fault, all of it is.

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters and forces himself to get up, move limb after limb and march to his bedroom. He opens the drawer of his nightstand and fishes for the piece of paper at the very back of it. It pains him to give it to Castiel, because the thought of the demon leaving forever really doesn’t comfort or pleases him anymore, but neither does Cas’ suffering. Back in the bedroom, he offers it to his best friend. “Here, you should have this.”

Castiel takes it and unfolds the paper, eyes scanning the contents with a confused frown.

“What is this?”

“A spell,” Dean admits, shame running through his veins, “that would send you back to Hell. It wouldn’t harm either of us, it would just allow you to go back. Sam gave it to me a while back. I’m sorry, Cas, I should have told you about it earlier, I—”

"Why didn't you use it?" Castiel asks him as he tries to sit up. He leaves the paper in his nightstand.

"Cause…” Dean shrugs, not sure how to explain his feelings, as usual. “I don't know, you seemed happy here and I just… didn't have the heart to send you back to Hell… but now you… seeing you like this, I just—” He swallows hard, unable to put in words just how sorry he is for the entire situation. He licks his lips and laughs bitterly before he continues. “And you didn't even get what you bargained for! Cas, if you… if you wanna leave, if you wanna be free, I… I won't stop you."

Castiel’s expression is unreadable for a moment. He looks tired, like he’s been up all night, but he doesn’t betray anything else. If he’s angry at Dean for keeping secrets or plotting against him, or if he’s eager to return to his former home, he hides it well.

Eventually, in a small voice, he asks, "do  _ you  _ want me to leave?"

Selfishly but honestly, Dean shakes his head and responds right away, “no.”

Against all odds, a small smile spreads across his friend’s face. 

"You care about me. Otherwise I wouldn't have lost my wings,” he tells Dean. “Maybe it's not the way I want you to care for me but you do. Remember what I told you a long time ago? It's better to feel pain than nothing at all?" 

Dean swallows and nods. He doesn’t care if Cas is the one making the choices, it pains him to be the one hurting Castiel nonetheless. Cas, seeing his internal struggle just by looking Dean in the eyes, reaches out to gently touch his hand. 

"Your friendship means a lot to me. I don't want to lose you. And I love Earth, I’ve built a home here. It's not always going to be easy but this is where I belong now. I want to stay."

Dean nods to himself, still feeling like a piece of shit, nothing Castiel tells him will change that.

“I’ll make you some soup, alright?” he offers, avoiding meeting Castiel’s eyes. “You stay in bed and rest.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“It’s the least I could do, Cas…”

Later that day Dean rips the sheet of paper into pieces and throws the spell to the garbage; they’ve got no use for it anymore.


	13. I FOLLOW YOU

It is fair to say that when Castiel announces he is moving out, Dean doesn’t take it well. He’s speechless, to say the least, which is funny because his mind is a mess of thoughts screaming at each other simultaneously, thoughts he doesn’t even want to touch with a ten foot pole. All he does is sit perfectly quiet with a crushing pressure in his chest as Castiel tells him that Meg’s grandmother has passed away and she’s offered to sell the house really cheap to Cas— _ fucking Meg, _ Dean growls inwards—because she just doesn’t want to deal with it, she wants to get rid of it, quick and easy, without making much of a fuss about it. Dean barely registers what his roommate is saying over the ringing in his ears, but it  _ does _ sound like she’s giving him a very good deal, too sweet to pass. Then Cas adds that he spoke to Charlie and she will help him fill and fake, if necessary, any necessary paperwork with the bank to ask for a loan. He doesn’t know why but Dean feels a pang of betrayal when he learns Charlie is involved in this.

Dean gets up abruptly, empties his plate on the trashcan and leaves, Castiel’s voice trailing off as Dean walks away.

He’s angry. He’s not sure why and he doesn’t  _ want _ to analyze it either, but he’s angry. He’s surprised, he’s confused and he’s angry. He stews on it, he grows quiet, opting to spend time alone in his room when he would usually hang out in the living room. Dean’s not going to let Castiel starve so he cooks for the both of them but there’s an obvious shift between them, a tension. Cas seems confused and clueless lately, like he doesn’t know how to act around him anymore. He asks Dean if he’s okay, constantly, alerted by the frown that adorns Dean’s forehead most of the time. It irritates him profoundly; if he wanted to talk about it he would but he doesn’t want to.

He’s in a shitty mood, having trouble sleeping. Everything bothers him, every little question, every minor inconvenience. He’s getting on Benny’s nerves, which is a hard thing to do, he’s a lenient guy. But it doesn’t really matter because he doesn’t feel like hanging out with his friends either, or Sam for that matter. He just wants to be left alone.

And alone he is, with his thoughts, with his doubts, yet he doesn’t want to face any of them. Doesn’t want to face Cas. A heavy darkness grows inside of him. Below the blind, irrational anger lays a sadness that he doesn’t want to face or even acknowledge. Even if he did, he wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway.

“What’s going on with you?” Sam asks him one night. He practically harasses Dean into joining him for a drink. “You’ve been acting weird.”

He knows what he really wants to say— _ you’re acting like an asshole, like before you turned things around— _ but he doesn’t.

Dean shrugs and acts like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“I’m fine.”

“Cas says—”

“Cas should mind his own business.”

Sam takes a deep breath and purses his lips. He studies his brother for a moment and asks, “did you two have a fight?”

No, not really. Castiel tries to reach out to him. When that doesn’t work he tries to act like nothing’s happened as if maybe Dean will relent after some time, because he knows trying to discuss feelings with Dean will be much more difficult than trying to wait this out, whatever this is… He’s kind and patient and infuriating, so no, they didn’t fight... So Dean shakes his head in response.

“Is it about Lisa?”

Dean huffs and gives his brother a look like he’s stupid for even suggesting it. He hadn’t even thought about her lately and he doesn’t appreciate the reminder of yet another person who leaves him.

“Is it because Cas wants to buy that house?”

His brother’s silence, the clenching on his jaw, if all Sam needs to know he’s finally on the right track.

Dean takes a long swig of whiskey, letting out a throaty groan as it burns down his throat.

“I thought you’d be happy about that,” Sam tells him. “I thought you wanted your privacy, your independence.”

The silence stretches. Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. He  _ did _ want those things, he  _ does _ , it’s just—he doesn’t want to—

He swallows hard, eyes avoiding Sam, who sighs in frustration.

“Dammit, Dean, will you please  _ talk _ to me? Don’t do that, don’t—don’t be that guy again.”

“What guy?” Dean asks defensively but he knows damn well what his brother is talking about.

“ _ This  _ guy, this angry, silent  _ jerk  _ that drowns his feelings in alcohol. You’re better than that, you were over that. Talk to me! What is the big deal about Cas moving out? Are you in lo—”

“I swear to God, Sam, if you finish that question—”

“Well, then tell me what’s going on with you!”

“I just don’t want him to move, out, okay? Are you happy now?” Dean snaps, raising his voice and gaining a curious look from the bartender. “I don’t think it’s fair. He barges into my life, he changes everything, he makes me care… and then—then he leaves? Just like that? And what the  _ hell _ is he thinking, anyway? He can’t cook to save his life, he’ll starve in a week! He’ll burn the house down, he—he—”

Features softening, Sam says, almost to himself, “you’re worried about him.”

“Of course I’m worried about him! He’s still learning to be human and he wants to  _ buy _ a house? He can’t even remember to lock the front door, he’s going to get murdered!” 

“Dean, he  _ literally _ can’t die.”

“You know what I mean! Fucking Meg, man…” Sam can’t help the short laugh that bursts out of him. Dean narrows his eyes at him, triggered by his brother. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, just you… hating on Meg… she’s not that bad.”

Dean sits up in the stool, mood getting worse by the second, with every word they exchange. “She’s not that bad? Are you serious?”

“I just think it’s very—” Sam pauses, looking for the right word. The corner of his lips twitch upwards for a second. In the end he settles for, “ _ interesting _ , how you seem to have a thing against all of Castiel’s friends.”

“That’s not true!” Dean defends himself. “I like Alfie!”

“My bad, I meant all of Castiel’s friends that have slept with him… which is all of them, except for Alfie.”

Dean swallows hard. He doesn’t ask what Sam’s getting into because it’s obvious.

“You don’t know them.”

“I know a few,” Sam reminds him. “What’s the problem with, hmm, what’s her name? Helene?”

“Hannah?”

“Yeah.”

Dean is silent for a moment as he comes up with a reason. “She’s—she’s too proper.”

Sam can’t help but bark a laugh and bend forwards. Dean watches him, still mad but now blushing. He could punch Sam on the face, he really wants to now.

“She’s too proper?” Sam repeats, still laughing. “What does that even mean?”

“She’s such a goody goody. Miss perfect, miss I’m-better-than-you,” he mutters with spite. “It’s annoying!”

Shaking his head, Sam decides it’s better not to say anything about that, better not to press Dean anymore. Dean orders another drink and downs half of it pretty fast. Sam’s smile dies down, concern returning to his eyes once again.

“This isn’t only about him, is he?” he says eventually. “You’ve never been good at dealing with change.”

Dean sighs and runs a hand down his face, tired of this conversation, tired of thinking, talking or defending his feelings and opinions. “Oh, don’t psychoanalyze me, Sam, you’re a lawyer, not a shrink.”

“Just talk to Cas, will you? He’s worried about you. He thinks you’re mad at him.”

Something tugs at Dean’s heart,  _ more _ guilt creeping up his spine. Jaw clenched, he anxiously moves his glass around with his fingers.

He doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want to make Castiel unhappy or uncomfortable or nervous or anything else that is not good. He doesn’t deserve that, he’s not really doing anything wrong. He’s just moving on with his life and Dean… He sighs because he doesn’t like that Sam knows him so well but it’s true, he doesn’t deal well with change. Dean’s not ready for Cas to go, for them to be adults, independent, on their own. For the next step. He likes where they are now, it’s comfortable and easy and  _ nice.  _ Sure, they have good jobs and they could afford their own places instead of sharing a flat under the pretence that Cas needs help adapting to the human world, but it’s nice and comfortable and they’re having fun and Dean  _ really _ doesn't like change.

He’s always one step (or several, actually) behind everyone else with those sorts of things and doesn’t know how to help it. But that’s not Cas’ fault, he knows that, and still he can’t help this anger that ignites inside of him, behind which his fears hide. 

“He told you that?” he asks without meeting Sam’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Sam responds, tone soft again. “So just talk to him, okay? He asked me to go see the house with him but I know he really wants to go with you, he just doesn’t think you want to.”

It’s true, Dean doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to encourage this…

“He’s doing it for you, you know?” Sam adds as he gets up and grabs his jacket. He puts a few dollar bills down to pay for his share and finishes Dean’s drink, which means he wants his brother to stop drinking and go home. Dean doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t argue. “Cause it’s the human thing to do, getting a house, and he thinks that’s the way to your heart, becoming human.”

Sam gives him one last meaningful look before he’s gone. Dean rests his head on one hand and takes a long, deep breath in and out. He stares at his empty glass, pondering whether he should get one more or not. In the end he decides not to and heads home.

When he arrives home, he stops by the door as Castiel turns on the couch to look at him. They study each other in silence, faces carefully blank. The tension between them is palpable, the hope in Castiel’s eyes crystal clear; he doesn’t want to fight anymore, or whatever it is that they’re doing.

Dean hears his brother’s words echo in his head.  _ Don’t be that guy again.  _ That guy that decides to be alone so nobody can hurt him. That guy who doesn’t let anyone in so nobody can leave him. That bitter, angry boy he used to be, the one who made assumptions about people, their intentions, their feelings for Dean, without asking first. The one that sabotaged his own happiness for so long.

It’s hard for him to break the habit, to face the music instead of running from it but he sees a bowl of pasta, proof of Castiel’ (partial) humanity, on the coffee table next to Castiel’s work papers and he knows he has to do it. He’s already done it before, change for the better and let people in. Cas is the proof, Cas is becoming human because Dean cares about him. It’s scary to face a change when his present is so happy, so peaceful, but getting angry is just ruining things before they’re even over. He should enjoy this while it lasts.

After leaving his jacket and the keys by the door, he walks over to the couch and sits next to Cas. He grabs some of the papers his roommate had been going through and sets them far away from him, on the side of the coffee table.

“It’s almost 10, Cas, give it a rest,” he scolds him but there’s an underlying softness to his tone.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Cas smile. He likes when Dean worries about him. 

“I was bored,” Castiel says and Dean knows what he really means is that he was waiting for Dean to come home and do something with him.

Dean nods and then offers, “wanna watch a movie?” 

It’s a peace offering. Dean’s not going to discuss his feelings with Cas, that’s just not how things are between them. That’s just not how  _ he _ works.

Failing miserably to hide the relief and the delight from his face, Cas lights up and nods. He grabs the remote and turns the TV on. He starts flicking through Netflix’s options aimlessly, waiting for Dean’s suggestion, as usual.

“What should we watch?”

Dean shrugs because he doesn’t really care, he just wants to be there with Cas and go back to their normal, familiar peace. “There, Groundhog Day,” he eventually indicates.

Castiel puts the movie and sits back, wrapped around a blanket with a content expression in his face. The movie starts but Dean’s eyes are on his friend. 

His best friend. 

“Oh, by the way… I talked to Sam,” he says, avoiding meeting Cas’ eyes. The TV is suddenly more interesting than a second ago. He tries to keep his voice in check, his emotions hidden. “He says you’re gonna see the house with him? I could go, if you want. I know more about that stuff than Sammy, worked building houses for a little bit actually.”

He can feel Cas’ eyes on him but he doesn’t turn his gaze to meet them, too afraid Cas will see something in them, something he doesn’t want to talk about.

“If it isn’t too much to ask,” Castiel responds.

“No, it’s fine… I’ll go with you.”

When the weekend comes around they make a stop at Meg’s grandma’s house on their way to the farmer’s market. Castiel is buzzing with excitement while Dean feels sick to his stomach for some reason. When they get to the address, parking in the free spot right in front of the house, Cas barely waits for the car to come to a full stop before he jumps into the street. It’s a one story house plus basement, and it’s supposed to have a big backyard. It is small but quite lovely, if Dean is being honest with himself. A little old fashioned, but in a nice way, with a porch that needs some work, as does the exterior. It’s definitely going to need some paint and wood work but nothing Dean doesn’t know how to do himself and shouldn’t even take too long. The front yard is rather unkempt, like nobody has paid any attention to it for months, the grass tall and wild, but Dean imagines Castiel can get it under control in no time and with pleasure. Dean turns to look at Cas staring at the house, a sheepish smile on his lips. He looks hopeful, like he’s envisioning living in the house already, making it his own. It tugs something at Dean’s heart. He remembers breaking up with Lisa, thinking the demon wasn’t ready to move on yet. He realizes maybe that wasn’t entirely true, that it was  _ Dean _ who wasn’t ready to move on and be on his own yet,  _ again _ , because he’s comfortable and happy in his current situation and anything threatening that is scary… but watching Cas march towards his potentially future home, he somewhat comes to terms with the idea because he can’t keep his fears from letting his best friend chase his own happiness. He can’t be that selfish of a man, he won’t me. He told Cas a long time ago pain is part of the human experience and, oh, how those words have come back to bite him in the ass.

Cas finds the hidden key between the pots in the porch and lets them in (Dean’s protective side comes alive then and he tells Cas not to do something stupid and predictable like that because he will for sure get murdered, to which Cas reminds him, like Sam, that he can’t die). The house is dark and packed with decorations of past decades, mountains of random stuff they’ll need to get rid of since Meg doesn’t want most of it anyway. Everywhere Dean lays his eyes on screams of grandma’s house indeed. The wallpapers are old fashioned and by now kind of offensive to one’s eyes. The furniture is ancient, the kitchen cabinets pretty ugly and the windows are relatively small (at least Dean knows Castiel prefers them way bigger). Everywhere he looks, Dean thinks of how he could improve that room, of what change he’d make if this were his home. There doesn’t seem to be any structural problems or water leaks, nothing serious that needs immediate attention or considerable renovations, not even in the basement. The only really annoying thing is the floor, which creaks almost incessantly. They need to replace some boards, then polish and wax the whole thing. When they go out to the garden Cas gasps, pleased with the large space he finds there and the little shed where he could store all his gardening gear. It’s out of control though, completely untamed, but Castiel finds a challenge there, nothing else. Dean can imagine him gladly spending hours deweeding it, trimming the bushes, pulling plants out, then carefully planning the best way to use the space to grow as many veggies and flowers as possible, using all his millennia of experience and knowledge to create something beautiful with his own hands.

Barely containing his excitement, Cas asks, “what do you think? You’re the expert. Is it a good price? Does it need a lot of work?”

“Yeah, Cas, Meg’s offering you a ridiculous good price for this place,” Dean admits because he just can’t lie to him. The house has many flaws, or at least Dean thinks so, but it’s nothing that can’t be easily changed. Judging by the look in Castiel’s eyes, he sees potential for a home here and that’s all that matters to Dean. “You’d be an idiot not to take it, if Charlie can help you get that loan. It needs some work though.”

“Like what?”

“Well, besides the bigger windows you wanna install, the exterior and the porch need some work. The floor too. I’d recommend you change some pipes, but nothing major. Then tearing down the wallpaper and painting over it. You’ve  _ got _ to change those godawful cabinets in the kitchen, man, I beg you. Maybe install some better lights too. The basement is fine, getting rid of the carpet won’t be hard and then you just need to polish the wood floor below.”

Cas bites his lip, now worried, because he’s doing well but he’s not rich by any means. “Do you think it’ll be expensive?”

Dean’s heart softens, his anxiety replaced by that need he’s got to care of others, a need that at times saved him from himself. He can see Castiel doing the mental math of how much money he’s got and what he could afford, worrying about who he’s going to have to hire for this and that, probably stressing about not even knowing the right people to call.

“Nah, Benny’s got a lot of tools he can lend us and we don’t need to buy a lot, just some wood and paint, for the most part. Some pipes. Oh, and the windows.”

“So… So who do I need to call?”

Dean blinks, confused by that question. “What do you mean?”

“What kind of person does all that?”

“Me, man,” he chuckles. “I told you, I worked construction for a bit, and my dad taught me a lot too.”

Castiel looks thoroughly impressed and sue Dean but he revels in the feeling. “You know how to do all that? That’s amazing, Dean.”

“It’s nothing,” Dean mutters, embarrassed but nevertheless enjoying the compliment.

“How much do I need to pay you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not paying me, Cas.” Dean scoffs and shakes his head at him, marching back towards the car.

Castiel follows him closely, insisting that he must pay him somehow for his services. Dean can think of a way or two Cas could make it up to him, but he keeps those kinds of thoughts to himself...

“Just buy me pie, Cas, that’s all I need.” 

The next weekend, they spend the entire Saturday, with the help of Sam and Eileen, Balthazar and Meg, decluttering the house, throwing things out, cleaning up messes and driving boxes full of stuff to a second hand store, dropping them off as donations. Castiel keeps the dining table and chairs but that’s about it; he wants a fresh start, to make this house really his own and not just live in the memory of someone else’s. Dean manages to sell the rest of the old furniture online for a decent amount of cash since it’s still in good condition, even if it’s old fashioned. Dean promises to help him buy a couch because Cas did pay for half of the one that’s still in the apartment, it’s only fair. 

On Sunday, the boys are back at the house for planning. Cas wants to get started on gardening right away, he’s buzzing with excitement, but Dean leaves that for last in his to-do list. They make a more thorough inspection of the house this time (well, Dean does, with Cas following him around and breathing down his neck in a way that doesn’t really bother him anymore), and write a list of what they’re going to need, from tools to materials, and the shops they’ll have to visit, from the paint store to Ikea. He tries to focus on the task at hand, keeping a clinical approach about this, instead of worrying about how long it’ll be before Cas is ready to move out. He won’t leave until some of the renovations are done and new furniture has been purchased, but soon enough he’ll put his clothes in a suitcase and walk out of the apartment for good, something that Dean’s still coming to terms with.

Over the next few days, in his free time, Dean starts working on enlarging the windows; one in the kitchen, another in the living room and the last one in the second bedroom. Most of the time, they head out there together, but since Cas can’t really help all that much, Dean does most of the work by himself. He finds a newfound drive in the work that he does, first because he loves working with his hands and secondly because he is helping his best friend build his first house, ain’t that something nice Dean can do for him at last? After everything he puts Cas through—rejecting his advances, exposing him to aging, hunger, being  _ human _ —he can finally give something back. He only feels guiltier and therefore more motivated when Cas points out he can’t carry the new window by himself when Dean asks him to bring it over; he’s not strong enough, Cas says, his supernatural strength has been washed away by the humanity that grows stronger in him day by day.

“So are you… are you human now?” Dean asks, his stomach reduced to a knot.

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t bleed, I’m still somewhat immortal.”

Dean nods a couple of times, internally worrying silently, while Cas looks at him from where he’s still sitting on the floor, surrounded by papers from work. He has barely touched them though, Dean can often find him staring at him work instead. Castiel watches Dean with that intensity that makes him squirm and blush, no one else has ever made him feel that way.

“What?” he asks after a prolonged pause in which Cas barely even blinks, shamelessly keeping his eyes on his best friend. Nervously, Dean runs a hand down his face. “Do I have something on my face?”

He’s probably covered in dust.

“No, you just look irresistible when you work,” Cas answers with complete honesty and ease, like they’re discussing the weather.

Dean chokes on nothing. Why did he even ask? “You’ve got a kink for builders, Cas?” he jokes to cover up for whatever else he’s feeling.  _ Flustered,  _ he’s flustered like a schoolgirl getting a compliment from her crush. “Like my tools belt?”

Castiel shrugs, smiling with innocence although Dean knows Cas loves to push his buttons. “I’d like you more without it.”

“I—you—” Dean babbles inelegantly, lost for words, as Castiel throws his head back and laughs. “You’re such a tease.”

“I’m not a tease, I’m honest.”

And there it is again, the truth, plain for Dean to see; Cas is moving out but he’s not leaving, he’s still waiting for Dean to return his feelings. As embarrassed as he is in the moment, he finds comfort in that.  _ Some _ things won’t change.

Despite getting closer to the day when Cas will finally move out, Dean can’t say that they don’t have fun renovating the house for a few weeks. Castiel has a hard time choosing new cabinets and drags Dean along to see shops with him for an entire day, buying him dinner later on as a thank you, as if it was some sort of inconvenience for Dean to spend the entire day doing that. It really wasn’t. He also didn’t mind spending hours browsing for furniture online with Cas sitting by his side after work, sharing cold beers and opinions, texting Dean’s mom for help because they’re clueless when it comes to interior design, and he also had a great time spending another whole day inside Ikea for the same reason (Ikea’s food is so good, Dean loved to have an excuse to go anyway). He likes these sorts of domestic tasks and is kind of envious of Castiel for being able to build his own home like this but proud of himself for being a good friend for once and supporting Cas through it. Removing the ugly cabinets is extremely satisfying and painting the walls isn’t a bother at all; they make a whole weekend of it, with music in the background and pizza to keep their stomachs fuelled. They eat on the ground, paint smeared all over their clothes. Cas seems happy and Dean is glad to be a part of making him feel that way. He deserves it. It eases some of the guilt Dean had been harbouring for so long, even though,  _ maybe _ ,  _ accidentally _ , certain tasks might have taken longer than necessary because  _ perhaps _ Dean was having a little too much fun playing house with Cas. He doesn’t like to be alone, sue him. Renovating a house with Castiel was too much fun to hurry to process.

When the time finally comes for Cas to leave, it’s bittersweet for the both of them. Cas seems nervous. They’ve already taken the furniture from Cas’ room to the house but they’re back for the rest of his stuff. Castiel grabs a suitcase full of his clothes and carries it out, making his way to the car. Dean grabs a box with some of his friend’s belongings and stands outside his apartment, frozen in place with the keys in his hand for a second after locking the door. That thought echoes in his head, over and over again.  _ His  _ apartment, no longer  _ their  _ apartment. He doesn’t dwell on that thought for longer than necessary, he keeps busy instead, carrying the heaviest boxes hoping the physical strain will overcome the mental one. Finally, Dean takes him shopping for groceries, buying an unnecessary amount of food for just one person, but he fears Castiel will starve if he’s not well prepared. With his heart full of apprehension, he drops Cas off at his new home. His friend turns to wave at him goodbye one final time before he goes in and disappears behind the door. Dean sits on the car for a few seconds, stuck in place, hands on the steering wheel even though the engine is off. For some reason, he feels like he just lost something.

Even though they’re still in touch, texting here and there throughout the day (Dean tries not to smother Cas with his constant concern that his friend will starve to death or forget the oven on or leave the front door unlocked or  _ something _ ), coming home every day to an empty, silent apartment is a painful reminder of Castiel’s absence. No music welcomes Dean home, there’s no one there to ask him questions while he relaxes after work with a beer and a movie, no one to talk to during dinner or breakfast. While once upon a time he had loved the privacy of living by himself and he cherished a calm, quiet morning, he now finds it rather lonely. He’s happy for Cas but not so much for himself.

There are still signs of Cas in the apartment though, even if his room is currently empty, proof that he was once there, like their picture in the wall and his plants. He left them behind because he thought they looked good where they were. Dean thought he was being silly but now he’s glad to have them, his last companions. He knows exactly how to take care of them, learned from Cas, the best, and he makes sure they thrive under his care just as much as they did under Castiel’s, as if a part of the demon lingered in them. Cas cared for them, therefore so does Dean now. At least, Cas would hate to learn they withered and died, so Dean can’t let that happen. Maybe it’d be better to get rid of the evidence, the constant visual reminder of Cas, but Dean would rather put up with it than pretend his friend was never there, that they didn’t have a great time living together even if it wasn’t for nearly as long as Dean would have expected.

They don’t make it long without seeing each other however, for it’s only Thursday when Dean comes home and the lights and the TV are on and there he is, his favourite deity, sitting on the couch watching TV like that’s exactly where he belongs. Dean’s heart leaps in his chest with a degree of joy that should have been a red flag to Dean but he’s momentarily distracted by just how damn  _ glad _ he is to see his friend there.

“Cas, what are you doing here, buddy?”

Turning on the couch with an adorably guilty look on his face, Cas admits, “it was too quiet at home, having dinner by myself is not so great. I realize I should have called but my phone’s battery died and I forgot my charger at home and I—I hope it’s okay I let myself in.”

Dean chuckles. He laughs, he really laughs, although there’s nothing funny about the situation, he’s just happy to see Cas there. He carries the groceries with him and walks over to the couch, leaning down to give his best friend a one arm hug.

“Of course it’s fine. Wanna stay over for dinner then?”

“If you don’t have other plans.”

Dean was on the edge of setting up a date (drinks with some guy at some bar), but fuck it, he can leave that for the weekend.

“Nah, it’s cool. You’re always welcome by the way. Pasta good with you?”

Cas licks his lips hungrily in a way that Dean doesn’t miss, his eyes fixed on those plump, pink lips for longer than it is probably appropriate.

“With bolognese sauce?” Castiel asks in that deep voice of his that could make Dean say yes to a pact with the devil.

“You got it,” Dean mutters, turning away so his friend won’t note the blush in his cheeks.

Having Cas breathing down his neck while Dean makes dinner is something he never thought he’d welcome back but he does. God, he’d missed that closeness, he can’t deny it. They talk the entire time, all the way through cooking the pasta and the sauce to their dinner and for hours afterwards sharing a beer. It’s like nothing’s changed, even though Castiel has to leave at some point. Cas confesses that although he’s got all he needs, he misses the apartment, he misses Dean, and the confused firefighter can’t help but find that declaration extremely satisfying. At least he’s not alone in having trouble moving on, it’s comforting. Dean drives him home rather late, well past midnight. They’ve both got to work in the morning, staying up so late was probably not wise, but Dean sleeps like a baby for the first time all week and he’s not really too tired in the morning, he’s just eager for the weekend and the plans he made with Cas. He’s glad to hear their visits to the farmers market are to be continued every weekend.

It becomes a habit for them, dropping into each other’s places, uninvited and unannounced more often than not, but certainly not unwelcome. Castiel is forever grateful to be fed by someone who isn’t himself and Dean just loves the company. Dean will go over to Castiel’s on his day off and put up some shelves or help with some sort of work that still needs to be done around the house while Cas is at work, then wait for him with dinner. Another day he’ll pick up his friend after work and take him out to a beer with their friends. Sometimes Dean will wake up in the morning on a Saturday or Sunday to the smell of coffee and baked goods Cas brought to share. One time he accidentally ends up crashing on Castiel’s dinner plans with Balthazar, who has a pretentious looking apron on top of his expensive, fashionable clothes. He’s unlucky enough to arrive while Cas is running an errand and Balthazar is all alone there.

“What are  _ you _ doing here?” Dean asks him rather rudely, like he’s got a right to.  _ It’s not your house, Dean, _ he reminds himself.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he retorts, gesturing to the apron, the cutting board, the knife, the vegetables…

Dean swallows hard, suddenly nervous. Did he come at the wrong time?

“Is this like—a date?”

Balthazar smirks like the devil himself, loving the entire situation unfolding before him. “What’s the matter, Dean? Jealous of your boyfriend? Oh, no, that’s right, you’re just  _ friends… _ ”

He then gives Dean a look like he’s full of shit but they don’t get to bicker much before Cas arrives and happily invites Dean to join in. 

_ So it’s not a date, _ Dean thinks and if he is relieved to learn that it’s simply because he really doesn’t think Balthazar would be a great match for Cas, nothing else...

Another time Dean even wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and finds Cas laying on the couch. That one time honestly almost causes him to die of a heart attack, thinking he had some kind of weird intruder sleeping in his living room.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Castiel whispers in the dark even though there’s no need, Dean’s already awake.

“It’s fine, I just—when did you even arrive?”

“Around 2?”

“But why?” Dean asks, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He turns the lamp on, even that dim light momentarily blinds him. The look on Castiel’s face wakes him up like a bucket of cold water though; he’s grim, deep creases of concern formed between his brows. He looks like he’s seen a ghost, except those don’t seem to bother him too much. “Dude, what’s wrong?”

Castiel shakes his head but hugs a pillow. “Nothing’s wrong,” he says in a small voice. “I just had a nightmare. I’d never had a nightmare before.”

Had the circumstances been different, maybe Dean would have laughed it off but seeing how worried Cas is, how this seems to have really affected him, the caring side of him kicks in into full gear. He walks over to him and sits down on the couch, squeezing his shoulder in a comforting way.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Dean rubs a thumb over Cas’ shoulder, feeling how tense he is, the knots under his skin. Whatever it is he dreamed about must have really gotten to him.

“I can’t remember a lot,” Cas tells Dean, and he sounds relieved about that, “but I… I dreamed about Hell. I dreamed I went  _ to _ hell, as a human. After dying. When I get a soul of my own, I’ll be judged just as everyone else.”

Realizing where his worries come from right away, Dean can’t help but huff a laugh and shake his head. Castiel raises an eyebrow questioningly and Dean pats his back twice before saying, “don’t be ridiculous, Cas, you’re too good to end up in hell.”

“You don’t know that,” Cas insists. He takes a deep breath and oh, Dean is too familiar with that look Castiel has on his eyes right there and then; it’s the shame, the burden of the past weighing on him. “You don’t know the things I’ve done. I have—”

“I don’t need to know either, Cas. You became human for a reason, you changed. You’ve gotta let go of all of that and just… try to be the best version of yourself  _ now _ . I think you’re pretty awesome.”

That brings out a smile on Cas. “You really do?”

“Yeah, I do,” Dean answers sincerely, returning the smile. 

The silence between them prolongs, as it usually does, and it’s somewhat tense what with the look of adoration they give each other. Dean sucks in a breath and stands up, walking away from Cas. 

“Well, it’s like—Jesus, it’s 4, Cas. I’ve gotta go back to sleep.”

Castiel nods but doesn’t say anything. There’s this hint of disappointment in his face, like he thought they were about to…  _ something.  _ Does goes back to bed but  _ fuck _ , he’s wide awake thinking of that  _ something  _ that didn’t happen.

It gets stuck on his mind, the things that they could have if Dean just gave in, if they were on the same page. Especially at night, when he’s alone and horny and he closes his eyes, the images of the porn he’d been watching melting away and giving way for memories of Cas, of that one time they fucked. That’s enough to send him over the edge every time. He feels somewhat dirty using Cas to get off but it’s better—it’s  _ safer _ to do that, to fantasize about pleasure, than daydream about the domestic bliss they could have together. To sexualize their relationship rather than face the fact that Dean  _ cares  _ for him. Deeply. He thinks that maybe if he gets a dose of Cas again and fulfils some of his fantasies, then this—this  _ something _ he feels for Cas will subdue. That fucking  _ something _ that’s always there that he doesn't want to dwell on.

So he comes on to Cas one night. Dean’s friends stopped by after work for some drinks. Dean had plenty of them, liquid courage needed for what he was planning to do. Castiel is the last one still there. When he makes to leave, Dean follows him, putting a hand on the door to close it before Cas has the chance to get out. 

The demon turns, surprised to find Dean standing so close to him.

Dean leaves the hand on the door and leans in ever so slightly. In a low voice, he asks, “why don’t you stay, Cas?”

Castiel frowns, confused at first, but then Dean plants a hand on his hip and leans even closer, trailing open-mouthed kisses from the crook of his neck all the way to his ear, making his intentions clear. Cas shudders and Dean can’t help but smirk.

“You want me to fuck you?”

It’s Dean’s time to shiver. Why does he have to say it like that, so bluntly, with that goddamn voice of his?

He loves it though.

“Yeah,” he responds.

Castiel’s hands are on him right away, on his hips, pushing Dean back, leading him towards the bedroom. Dean dives in for a kiss but Cas tilts his head back, denying his advances with a mischievous grin.

He’s an infuriating tease.

Dean loves it though.

When they’re close enough to the bed, Cas pushes Dean back on it. Dean bounces on the mattress and waits eagerly for what’s to come next but Cas stands where he is, making no move.

“You want me.”

This time it isn’t a question though.

Dean licks his lips and nods. He knows there’s no point denying it.

“Yeah.”

Castiel narrows his eyes at him, pleased that Dean admits to it but not entirely satisfied. “Not just tonight though. You desire me. You’re attracted to me.” He smiles with this knowledge, this revelation. “You probably think about me, don’t you? Of  _ us _ , of  _ this _ .”

He gestures vaguely between them but Dean knows what he means; Dean thinks about them having  _ sex _ , and yes, the answer would be a strong yes. Not sure what to respond, what game Cas is playing, Dean simply stared back at him, like a deer caught in the headlights. He swallows hard, feeling less and less confident, but wanting Cas just as much anyway.

Showing the best confident and dominant side of him, which Dean would usually find extremely arousing, Castiel crosses his arms over his chest and takes a step back. “I’m not going to fuck you, Dean. If you want me, own it. Ask me again, sober, or don’t ask at all.”

And with that he leaves Dean alone in bed, hard as a rock from the mere anticipation of what he  _ thought _ was going to happen, what he had been fantasizing about for weeks, but torn inside from the entire interaction. What Cas is asking him to do, to sober up and own to his feelings, at least part of them… that’s bold. Knowing Dean, that’s a bold thing to ask of him.

But at the same time Dean gets it and can’t blame Cas for it. He wants it fair and square, not with Dean drunk so he can then shrug it off and pretend it didn’t mean anything at all. Castiel himself, the loss of his powers and his growing humanity, is proof that their relationship has evolved. Cas wants him to admit it, he’s forcing Dean to. 

Dean thinks about it for days. Things get slightly…  _ awkward _ between them, since then. Well,  _ Dean _ is the one making it awkward, to tell the truth. He just can’t stop thinking about that night, about how Cas wants to, in one way or another, take things to the next level. They’re not normal friends. Lisa’s words resound in the back of his mind all week. She was right, they’re not normal friends, Dean doesn’t think about sleeping with his friends, just Castiel. He doesn’t sit with Charlie and stare at her lips while they talk. He doesn’t memorize every time Benny hums with pleasure when he tries something tasty. He doesn’t space out watching Kevin’s hands, thinking what they could be doing to him. He does flirt back and forth with Pamela, harmlessly mostly, although they spent a night or two together in the past, but there was always this tacit understanding between them, without needing to talk about it, that made it obvious they would never be more than just friends. With Castiel though… with him everything is different.

The urge to drink is hard to contain but Dean manages to drive to Castiel’s after work without a drop of alcohol in his system. He stopped along the way to buy dessert, for some reason dropping in empty handed seemed too forward and presumptuous, but he refrained from buying any drinks. He’s nervous as fuck. Even though he tries to tell himself it’s just sex, it’s getting harder and harder to delude himself, to play down what this thing between him and Cas is. Heart racing, he walks over to the door and knocks. There’s no answer but the lights are on inside. It’s a bit late, almost 10, even though Dean tried to get there as soon as possible. He lets himself in, like he has so many times before, only to finally learn he shouldn’t because this isn’t his home and he doesn’t own Cas. He hears the noises before his eyes see anything but he’s too stunned to move. The TV is on but forgotten, if the moans of pleasure of the woman Cas is currently fucking are anything to go by. Then Cas emerges from behind the couch as he sits back on his knees. He’s shirtless, eyes closed, throwing his head back with a smile on his face. It’s an expression Dean remembers well but now Cas has it for someone else. And he wonders in that moment, even though he has no right to, just how many more people Castiel spends the night with when Dean’s not there, how many people he sees and doesn’t tell him about.

Dean stumbles backwards and knocks something on the ground. He looks around, bewildered, but he’s too distraught to pay attention. Panicking, knowing he’s made himself known, he lifts his gaze to meet Castiel’s eyes.

“What was that?” a woman asks, slightly scared. Dean knows that voice, that’s Hannah.

“Dean,” Cas responds, or maybe he’s just talking  _ to _ Dean.

Embarrassed, confused, upset, Dean walks out and slams the door behind him. He stands there for a moment too long, hand on the doorknob, his thoughts cloudy and messy. He starts walking towards the car, legs shaking, but then Cas is there, grabbing his arm and forcing him around. He’s still shirtless, also barefoot, but at least he’s got pants on; still, definitely a show for the neighbours.

“Dean, wait a minute—”

“No, it’s fine,” Dean mutters, raising his hands in front of him and continuing to back towards the car. He’s in automatic mode. “I was just leaving.”

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

He forces a smile and he means it but also doesn’t when his voice comes out somewhat cruel, snappy. “I’m peachy, Cas.”

Cas looks far from believing him. “Dean, I’m sorry you saw that, she’s just a friend, I—”

“Cas, you  _ really _ don’t have to apologize,” he interrupts, laughing darkly. “ _ We _ are just friends too, aren’t we? We’re not together so you can do whatever you want.”

Right away he knows he’s hit a nerve there. Castiel’s jaw tightens and he purses his lips into a thin line. Not the cold freeze or the stares of the curious neighbours from inside their homes seem to bother him, only Dean’s cold words. But the truth is he didn’t mean to hurt Cas; those words were directly at  _ himself _ , not his friend. He’s got no right to be angry or upset or anything, he’s got no right barging into Castiel’s life as he pleases, has no right to be jealous. He made his choices, he pushed Cas away time and time again, how can he blame him for moving on? What was he expecting? That Cas would be alone forever, just waiting for breadcrumbs of Dean’s affection? Castiel got a life beyond him, a good one. He’s got friends and countless lovers, secret dates, and a house and a great job and he doesn’t need Dean anymore. He’s not just there thinking about him like Dean is. 

He didn’t mean to hurt Cas, he didn’t mean to hurt Lisa, or so many others, but he does, time and time again. He always finds a way, it’s like he can’t stop screwing things up.

“I’ve gotta go, Cas,” he whispers, averting his eyes because he can’t stand the way those blue ones glare at him. Cas is mad and hurt and with reason and Dean can’t stand it.

He gets in the car and drives away, and he  _ stays _ away, too embarrassed to show his face, too full of guilt and apprehension to attempt to apologize again, and too afraid of rejection to be the first to reach out. They don’t speak for days. The silence is deafening, he checks his phone for messages often even though it would vibrate if he got any new ones. Castiel must be pretty upset with him, he must think Dean is a selfish prick, a childish coward, or whatever other insults Dean can think for himself. Dean wonders constantly, whenever he’s got a free second to worry, if he has managed to permanently fuck this up too, before it—whatever  _ it _ might be—even got a chance to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the pandemic is over, I strongly suggest you go to Ikea and try their desserts.
> 
> Also thank you for all your lovely comments, guy! They make my day and also often make me laugh.
> 
> I'm not going to apologize for the angst, it'll be alright, my friends... It's a necessary evil...


	14. THE GETAWAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dudes, I did not have time to proof read this and I've got a busy week ahead of me so I know it might take me a while to get to it, so I decided to post this chapter anyway because I don't want to keep you waiting for longer than necessary. So sorry in advance for any errors.

There’s a knock on his door and Dean feels pathetic for the rush of hope running through his veins but there it is anyway. He tries not to run to the door, just casually hurry. When he opens the door though, it’s Sam waiting on the other side, not a certain someone with piercing blue eyes.

“Oh, it’s you,” he says, failing to keep the disappointment out of his tone. Sam notices that and raises an eyebrow at him.

“Good to see you too,” he retorts with sarcasm, letting himself in. “What have you been up to? You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No, I haven’t,” Dean replies but his brother merely glares at him like he’s full of shit as he takes a seat on the couch. 

“Yes, you have. Now sit down,” Sam tells him while he takes a pack of beers out of the bag he brought with him. “I’ve news.”

Dean’s suddenly interested and momentarily distracted from his own self-accomplished drama. “Are you finally proposing to Eileen?” he beams as he sits next to his brother. Sam blushes and shakes his head. Dean wiggles his eyebrows and teases, “not yet at least, huh?”

“I found a spell,” his brother starts and the smile on Dean’s face dies down, “to break your bond with Cas.”

“Oh…” Dean feels something sinking in his stomach. He takes a long gulp of beer. “Okay...”

Sam digs into his pocket and takes our two sheets of paper. Dean unfolds them, eyes scanning over detailed instructions and a very bizarre mix of ingredients. He feels sick to this stomach, the alcohol isn’t sitting well. Next to him, his brother sighs.

“You’re not gonna use this one either, are you?” Sam asks. He doesn’t sound too annoyed, which Dean thought he would be since it’s the second time Dean rejects his findings, even though it was him so asked Sam to look for the information; no, instead he’s using that soft tone he reserves for deep conversations. It’s coming, Dean knows it’s coming, a heart to heart chat with his brother. Honestly, he saw it coming for a while now, Sam just knows him too well.

Dean swallows hard and avoids meeting his brother's gaze on purpose. He shrugs in an attempt to buy time, trying to put his feelings into words even though at the same time he’s been trying hard not to dwell on them too much.

“I don’t know, I just… Since he moved out… If I do this, what if we lose our—our—” Connection? Bond? Attraction? Dean’s not sure what the hell is even happening anymore. In the end he settles for, “friendship?”

“You don’t need magic to be friends with him, Dean, he cares about you,” Sam tries to reason with him and a part of Dean knows it makes sense, but another one…

Dean bites his lower lip. It hurts. He’s been biting them so much lately, they’re tender and painful. 

“Dean?”

“I just sometimes feel like…” He’s cringing, eyes closed. He  _ hates _ sharing his feelings,  _ hates it _ passionately, but he’s kept this close to his chest for so long, he has a burning need to say it out loud, at least once in his life, to one other person. And if he can’t tell Sammy, he’ll never be able to tell anyone else. “Like there’s this…  _ distance _ between me and other people. Even with my closest friends. Like this ocean I can’t cross. And I  _ know _ it’s in my head but other times I’m not so sure that it is, I can’t help feeling like… like I just simply care about others more than they care about me, you know? Like people would easily move on and forget about me. And I fear that now that Cas has his whole life figured out, that he’ll move on too if it’s not for this bond between us. I don’t want that. I’m not ready for that. I—I want him around.”

“Dean,” Sam starts softly, “you know what Cas told me once? Very early on, we’d just met. He had you all figured out right away. He said that you don’t see your worth, that you don’t realize what you deserve, and he was right. These thoughts, these…  _ doubts _ you have, they  _ are  _ in your head. Your friends love you. Charlie forged legal documents just to help you. I put up with Becky for months for you. Benny’s making you the best man at his wedding. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain cell can tell Cas loves you. He moved out, but he certainly hasn’t moved on. You are worthy of a lot more than you think you are. I don’t know what’s going on with you two now, but Cas asks me about you all the time. He misses you, I can tell.”

Dean lifts his gaze, ears perking up. “You’ve been talking to him?”

“Yeah. He asked me about you a few times these past weeks. What’s going on between you two?”

“God, I don’t even know,” Dean sighs, resting his face on his hands. “I think he’s mad at me.”

“I think he thinks  _ you _ are mad at  _ him _ . And I think the two of you are just ridiculous.”

“Hey!” Dean snaps at him half-heartedly. 

Sam huffs a laugh, not sorry at all. “You miss him too so whatever it is you argued about, fix it. Call him.”

“I don’t know, man, I was pretty douchey to him. You really think he wants to see my stupid face right now?

Shaking his head at his older brother like he can’t believe how blind he is, Sam mutters, “Dean, all you have to do for Cas to take you back is show up at his door. He can’t wait to see you, I know it…”

Dean sighs, sitting back on the couch. He wishes it were that simple. Or maybe it is, but damn, it feels a lot harder than that. The radio silence has been tough. “Well, for someone who wants to see me, he’s doing great at not talking to me.

“Because he thinks you want space. Do you?”

He doesn’t even need to think about it, the answer comes to him right away. “No.”

“Then  _ do _ something about it. Make it up to him. His birthday’s coming up, isn’t it? Do something nice for him.”

“Oh, that’s right, we forgot last year…”

With all the changes they went through the previous year, Castiel’s birthday (well, at least according to the date Charlie made up for his ID) flew right over their heads. He didn’t mind it since it wasn’t really his birthday. He couldn’t even remember when he was  _ really _ born, it was just too long ago. This year though, Dean plans to give back to Cas big time, it’s the least he can do to show how sorry he is for his behaviour.

He knows exactly what to give Cas and though it wouldn’t usually be his jam, Dean’s on board and excited to give his friend something that’s going to make him happy; a little trip to Redwood National Park. Just two days and two nights in this small but cozy and fancy hotel he found close to the beach, not far away from the nature reserve. It’s enough time that they don’t have to ask for more than a few hours off work on Friday under short notice, but still enough time to relax, hike (Dean prepares himself mentally for that) and eat, all paid by Dean. He’s lucky to have booked the last room available for the weekend and for some reason he takes it as a good sign. It’s going to be a good time.

Although he’s confident Castiel will love the trip, reaching out to him to  _ actually _ invite him proved more challenging. Dropping by is out of the question considering the last time it went disastrously, so Dean has to choose between texting Cas or calling him. He sits on the couch staring down at the phone in his hands, Cas’ number looking back at him with the options to text him or call him taunting Dean. He’s never been so nervous about calling someone before, not even for a date. Apologizing is ten times harder.

Like a coward, he chooses to text Castiel instead of calling. If for some reason he declines Dean’s offer (he’s already paid which probably wasn’t wise but he was too afraid to lose the last room to wait another second), it’s going to be easier to hide his disappointment if Cas is not on the other side of the line rejecting him live. It’s also easier to dance around what happened between them and avoid a conversation Dean can’t even have with himself, let alone Cas. How can he explain that he’s sorry for how he acted but that he couldn’t help himself? Or that it’s easier to be mad than hurt? Or that it bothers him to see Cas with other people but he’s too chicken to be with Cas himself?

Cas takes mercy on Dean (or maybe he’s just afraid to scare him off to discuss what happened  _ that _ night) and goes along with Dean’s invitation, responding to his friend like nothing has happened. Dean is delighted that they can bounce back from it and go back to normal and to planning this little escapade, but in the back of his mind he knows they can’t do this forever, it’s not healthy and Cas will get tired one day and will force Dean to talk about whatever there is between them. Their  _ “friendship”. _

God, he feels kind of bad for Lisa now...

In the two weeks before Castiel’s birthday, Dean and Cas go back to hanging out together every few days, just like the old times. Life is undoubtedly better with his accidental husband in it, Dean laughs a little louder and he sleeps a little better and his dinners are less lonely. Cas, just as Sam had predicted, takes him back in like there was no other possible outcome in the situation, like it was just a matter of time, as things usually go with Dean. 

The Friday before Castiel’s birthday, Dean picks him up from work a little earlier than Cas would usually leave. He’s got a small bag with him and an excited look on his face. It’s contagious, Dean’s also really looking forward to spending the entire weekend with his best friend. Making his first birthday a really good one should have caused him to be nervous about not being able to meet expectations but Dean knows him so well by now, he is completely sure Cas is going to love the trip.

Sitting for hours straight inside the car doing nothing but talking to Cas and yet feeling on the top of the world is Dean’s first red flag that weekend. Sure, he’s done that before with Sam and Benny, not to mention his parents when he was younger and they moved around, and he’s always had a good time, he enjoys travelling and the company, but with Cas, it is different. With Cas, the destination doesn’t matter, it’s all about the company. Dean could sit there forever with him and call that his home. Cas feels like home; safe and familiar and peaceful and  _ right. _

Thankfully, he doesn’t have much time to dwell on that because they talk almost the entire time, Dean singing along his favourite tracks when they’re not speaking. Cas doesn’t sing along even though he knows the lyrics, he just prefers to listen to Dean sing. 

The hotel isn’t far from the park, located close to the beach. Hidden behind the dunes, they can’t see the ocean (it’s also already dark) but they can hear the waves crashing on the shore. Cas wants to go to the beach right away but Dean practically drags him in with threats that they will miss dinner if they’re not quick; the kitchen is about to close.

“I’ll check us in, you go order us some food,” he instructs his best friend, then carries their bags to the front desk while Cas disappears into the house.

The girl at the front desk isn’t a day past 25 and exudes this bubbly, welcoming energy. Dean can see her giving him a quick once-over and suppressing a smile, which in all honesty happens to him a lot and never fails to give his confidence a little boost. He walks over to her, dropping the bags on the floor as he pulls out his wallet to pay for the deposit.

“Hi, good evening, I’m here to check in.”

“Winchester, right?” she says.

“That’s me.”

“We were expecting you, you’re the last to check in.”

“Sorry about that. I hope we don’t keep the kitchen running late.”

“Oh, it’s no problem!” she assures him. She then looks around quickly so as if to check they’re alone and leans in to whisper, “another couple cancelled last minute so I took the liberty of bumping you up to our honeymoon room which has a jacuzzi, it’s pretty awesome. You don’t need to pay an extra fee, I just switched the reservations.”

The front desk agent winks at him with a complicit smile and Dean just blinks and takes a second to process that information. He’s being offered a honeymoon room, which has to mean there’s only one bed.

Only one bed.

To share with Cas.

For two whole nights.

His heart race picks up.

Is it a queen bed or a king bed, he wonders. In a king bed they could claim opposite sides of the bed and politely avoid touching each other. In a queen bed though, two relatively big guys like them… there’s the possibility of limbs accidentally getting intertwined… which is his second red flag of the weekend —and Jesus, it’s only Friday night!— but the idea, far from unappealing, has him blushing like a schoolgirl.

“Is there only a king bed?” he croaks a little awkwardly.

The girl in front of him notices some sort of change in him (Dean wonders what his face must look like, if it reflects at all his internal monologue) and suddenly doesn’t seem so pleased with herself as she was a second ago. “No, a queen. Oh, god. You  _ are _ a couple, right? Cause I assumed you got the last room cause it was  _ the last _ room and we usually get just couples here but I—” she swallows hard, blushing profusely in front of this strange, handsome man. “Sorry, I just assumed you were...”

The last room was one with two separate twin beds. If there had been only one room with one bed, would Dean have been so bold as to book it? Probably not… but now it was being offered to him and for a much cheaper price, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted. An entire idea was unfolding in his brain, a stupid one that would probably come back to bite him in the ass but oh God, the temptation was impossible to deny.

“It’s fine, we’ll take the room,” he finally says and with that the poor girl sighs with relief and moves on from that very awkward conversation.

After the employee offers to take their bags to the room, Dean, a bit shaken by his own impulsiveness, finds his way to the small dining room where Cas is waiting for him. The room has tall windows that must provide a lovely view in the morning but they can’t see much that cloudy night.

“I ordered some sandwiches,” Cas tells him. Dean’s not worried about that, he knows Cas knows what he likes or dislikes so he trusts him to order for the food.

“Cool, thanks. So, listen, there’s… been a change in the reservation.”

And he’s not lying, he tells himself. There  _ has _ been a change in the reservation. He could have changed that change and chose not to and he won’t share that information, but he’s  _ technically _ not lying.

“Oh? Is there a problem?”

“No, it’s just… there’s… there’s just one bed.”

Castiel does that thing where he stands perfectly still, schooling his features like a professional investigator while he studies Dean’s reaction so as to measure his own and not scare him off.

“Are you okay with that?” he asks carefully.

“I am if you are.”

The curves of Castiel’s lips twitch and Dean knows what he’s thinking;  _ of course _ Cas is okay with that, the closer they are the better in the eyes of the demon. He’s just too polite to show how much this pleases him outwardly.

After dinner, Cas finally convinces Dean to go for a little walk. It’s windy and dark but they make their way to the shore anyway. Hopefully, that same wind will clear up the sky for the next day’s hike. For the moment, Dean’s glad to have a few more minutes to calm his heartbeat before they head back to their room together. Dean wonders if they should act like a couple to keep the room. They most likely don’t, the change has been done, but Dean finds himself entertaining the idea of moving his hand just a little bit to the side and grabbing Castiel’s. Playing pretend, to see what it’d be like to be with Cas. But he doesn’t find the courage to suggest it and then they’re walking back to the building. 

It’s been a long day for both of them. Dean has a very early shift and he’s tired, despite his nerves. Their room is small but cozy, with definitely a romantic air about it. The jacuzzi in the corner of the room has his heart jolting. Should they get in…? No, that’d be too much. Cas would not say no if Dean offered but… no, he can’t bring himself to do it.

Cas, always taking Dean’s feelings into consideration, takes mercy on his soul and changes in the bathroom, opting not to tease Dean by stripping in front of him given that they have to share the bed when it wasn’t planned. He doesn’t want to push Dean’s limits because he’s a good guy... Dean, however, is strangely disappointed by this. To say he had no expectations whatsoever in terms of what could happen between them that night would be an outright lie, but he finds himself unable to put in motion the scenarios that had run wild in his head for the past hour and a half and Cas seems to have on intentions to make a move on him. He wants Dean to ask for it, after all, but Dean can’t, not without liquid courage—alcohol.

In the end, when they go to sleep and Castiel politely keeps to his side of the bed, his back to Dean’s, Dean feels anything but satisfied. He’s tense, super aware of his every move and the weight on the bed that is but inches away from him. He hopes for something he doesn’t dare ask or admit to.

In the morning, Castiel is out of the bed before Dean’s even awake which is another missed chance for  _ something _ to happen. He’s brushed his hair (sort of), brushed his teeth, changed into comfortable sporty clothes and nagged Dean to get up because if they’re going to hike, they need to start early. Dean drags himself out of bed and forces himself not to complain, because it’s Castiel’s birthday and he calls the shot. If he wants to go hiking, Dean will put up with it. It’s his day.

After a glorious breakfast (Dean might just come back to this place sorely because of it), they get into the car and drive to the national park. Castiel can barely contain his excitement and when they park the car and get out, he’s buzzing with excitement. He almost immediately starts towards the first trail he sees but Dean runs after him and drags him to the visitor center. They grab a map, buy a few snacks and head back out.

“Okay, what do you want to do first?” Dean asks, then yawns. He could have slept two hours more but Cas wasn’t having any of it.

“This trail,” Cas says and of course he points to the longest one. Dean reads  _ duration: 4 to 8 hours _ and groans internally but keeps his mouth shut. He had absolutely seen this coming the day he came up with this idea anyway.

They start slow. Castiel walks over from tree to tree to admire them, spilling out facts about them even though Dean never asked. He’s patient though, and he listens and smiles, glad that Cas is having fun. He buzzes with joy so Dean lets him ramble on. Eventually he has to drag Cas away from the trees because otherwise they’ll get to the end of the trail. 

Dean isn’t good at this, walking around isn’t one of his hobbies and he’s got to watch his way here and there where the trail gets a little wilder or they have to cross over a fallen tree. At times he’s got his heart on his throat but he pushes through, for Castiel’s sake. Thankfully though, Castiel sets a pace that he can easily follow, providing regular stops for Dean to catch his breath or rest for a few seconds when Cas gets distracted by moss or wildflowers, which he absolutely must inspect. He knows so much about the plants, it’s like he’s been there before.

“Cas, did you make these?” Dean suddenly asks, lazily gesturing to the redwoods that surround them.

Castiel chuckles. “No, Dean, I didn’t. This is the superb work of other gods.”

“How many are there?”

“It’s hard to say,” Castiel responds as he holds a flower between his fingers, brushing the petals with his thumb tenderly, “it really depends on your criteria. Some call us gods, some demons, but the truth is there’s a variety of creatures out there amongst humans or in other realms.”

“That’s cool,” Dean mutters ironically. In reality, he finds it a bit disturbing.

“We all have different abilities and different degrees of strength. Most of us were banished to Hell though.”

Castiel gets up from where he was crouching down by the flowers and offers Dean his hand. He takes it, holding onto it for a second longer than necessary.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now, Cas.”

A happy smile slowly spreads across his friend’s face. “Me too, Dean.”

When they get to the fern canyon Dean has to admit it’s pretty magical and cool. They walk through a trail of walls of cobble and ferns that For more bizarre reason Dean finds it kind of romantic and there it is again, that itch to hold Castiel’s hand. When they come across a couple they ask them to take a picture of them and Dean takes the liberty to put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, somewhat nervous at their closeness now. It just feels different, like there’s a shift between them. A shift in Dean.

When they resume their walk, Cas goes ahead to walk over a little bridge over the creek that runs through the canyon. Dean automatically misses the closeness. Another ref flag.

A little past noon they get to the beach, the ultimate turn around point. They rest there, pausing to have lunch and relax. They take their shoes off and roll up their pants. The wind of the previous night cleared the sky just as Dean had hoped so they bathe under sun for a while. Cas lays back on the sand and rests his head on his arms, closing his eyes and smiling up at the sky. Dean watches him, his mood changing as he does. Something grows restless inside of him.

Before moving on they investigate the tide-pools which Dean again admits is quite awesome. There are all sorts of animals there. They both get rather excited when they find purple sea-stars and a greenish anemone. Dean had never seen either before. They crouch down on the slippery rocks to take a better look at them, eyes full of wonder like they’re just two boys. They see different types of crabs, the cooler being the hermit crabs, and some snails, which Dean doesn’t like at all. There’s just something about them that repulses him whereas Castiel is fascinated by every little creation. 

They continue the trail which eventually loops back to the visitors center. They take it slowly, both because they’re not in a hurry and also Dean’s feet are aching after so many hours of walking. Castiel doesn’t break a sweat, he thrives in this environment, surrounded by nature. It amazes Dean every time that his best friend is this ancient, godlike being, packed inside this handsome vessel, opting to be a regular Joe hiking like a mortal instead of continuing his immortal existence as a god. As happy as Castiel seems to be, it saddens Dean the high price he’s got to pay for it, and that it’s all for him. Castiel could go on living in the woods forever, where he is the happiest, but he chooses to let it go in hopes of ending up with Dean. How is that a fair trade? 

When they get back to the hotel, there’s another moment of built up expectation when it’s clear it’s time to get a shower. Dean walks into their room behind Cas, suddenly more aware of their movements. He looks over to Castiel to see if today he will try something, if he feels this shift like Dean does, but his friend once again makes no attempt to seduce Dean and leaves him standing alone by the bed as he goes to the bathroom to shower and change.

Cas comes out of the bathroom with his wet hair wildy sticking in all directions, droplets trailing down his neck which he finds offensive, as if he needed another reason to concentrate on his friend’s skin and every inch of muscle he’d like to touch and kiss. Polite as ever, Castiel leaves him alone in the room to bathe and change, leaving for a quick walk on the beach before the last lights of the day fade away.

Dean stands in front of the mirror in the bathroom, containing his feelings as best as possible but they threaten to burst out of him. He wants Cas, it’s impossible to deny it by now. Just  _ how much _ he wants him is something he doesn’t want to discuss with himself but it’s becoming increasingly hard not to at the same time. He doesn’t even know to have a conversation with himself, the truth is almost bursting out of that tiny little safe box in the corner of his mind. Dean tries to tell himself he just needs to get on Castiel’s pants, he hasn’t slept with anyone for a while and Cas is like an aphrodisiac, that’s it, but at the same time there’s this inherent knowledge that sleeping with Cas will make matters worse, not better, just as it did before.

And still, Dean can’t stop himself.

He tries to suggest they have champagne for dinner, to celebrate his birthday, because maybe then they’ll both loosen up and something will happen, but Castiel isn’t feeling it. Dean doesn’t drink without Cas because he knows his friend won’t touch him if he does. He can’t get drunk to escape this predicament, he’s got to face it completely sober.

They have a lovely dinner and an even better dessert. The people from the hotel put a candle on Castiel’s chocolate mousse which is a really lovely touch. He blows out the candle and Dean tells him happy birthday for the first time. Cas looks radiant and so gorgeous, Dean’s heart aches. He’s having such a good time and Dean is proud of making his friend feel good, despite the turmoil inside of him. He just wishes he could relax too and enjoy the weekend.

After dinner they sit together for a while, having coffee and digesting their food. The time to go to bed is coming closer and closer and Dean grows more and more nervous, feeling like time is running out. Cas notices this and asks him if he’s already twice. Dean puts on his most charming smile and brushes it off to being tired, which he is.

When they walk back to their room, Cas stretches his arms over his head, cracks his neck and sits on the edge of the bed, relaxed and at peace with himself. Dean wonders what that’s like, owning up to your feelings and being okay with them, no matter the consequences. He thinks Castiel is rather brave for being able to do that, to be honest with himself.

Dean, on the other hand, stands by the door, fidgeting with a loose thread in the sleeve of his shirt. Castiel notices him standing there, lost in thought, and tilts his head to the side questioningly.

“Dean, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” he responds a little too fast. “You know what? Maybe we should… maybe the jacuzzi would help us relax.”

Castiel looks back at him, suspicion rising in him. “I am relaxed,” he states calmly. “Are you not relaxed?”

Dean shrugs, a pathetic attempt of a response. So long for trying to play it cool.

Cas rises to his feet and gives him a sympathetic smile. “This is making you uncomfortable, isn’t it? Maybe I could ask if there’s another room available?”

“No!” Dean exclaims, moving to block the door before Cas can go anywhere. “No, stay. I just thought it would help us loosen up.”

Dean hates that Cas doesn’t get what he means right away, that he narrows his eyes at Dean and practically forces him to spell out what he wants, what he’s trying to get at.

“Loosen up? What for?”

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Dean bites with lower lip anxiously and shrugs. “Cas, I just thought… since it’s your birthday and we’re here… we could, err… make the best of it...”

His eyes flash towards the bed once, then back at the baby blue that stare back at him. Realization dawns on Castiel and his lips part. A tiny grin spreads across his face.  _ Finally _ , Dean thinks, Cas is catching on and that confident, teasing side of him is coming out to play.

“Dean, if you want to sleep with me, all you’ve got to do is ask, you know that.”

“But I don’t want you to… to get… confused… about what this is.”

Castiel takes a few steps forwards. “I’m not confused,” he assures him in a voice that becomes lower and more intimate, “are you confused?”

Dean pauses and swallows hard.

Fuck yes, he is  _ very confused _ . His dick isn’t, his body responds automatically to that predatory look in Castiel’s eyes, but his brain, his heart… they’re in a state of pure chaos.

Cas gets closer and closer, slowly, giving Dean time to put a stop to it if he wants to. He doesn’t say a word though. Castiel’s hands find Dean’s hips and he gently pushes him until Dean’s back meets the door. Dean’s eyes are fixed on Castiel’s lips. He’s dying to kiss them, he’s been stealing glances in their direction all day. More like, for  _ weeks _ .

“Dean,” Cas calls him, bringing him out of his thoughts, lowering his head to force Dean to meet his eyes. “Should I stop? Do you need space?”

Dean needs this so much, the thought of Cas walking away from it  _ now _ is unbearable. “No, not tonight.”

That is all Cas needs to hear to have the confidence to claim Dean’s mouth. He kisses Dean like he’s dying for it, like he’s been waiting for it for so long, and he probably has. Dean feels drunk with the feeling of it all, with Cas pressing him against the door, fingers digging into his hips, his tongue licking into Dean’s mouth. It’s even better than he remembered, Cas is his ultimate turn on. Dean wants to rip their clothes on and move on to the bed, but the moment he so much as tries to undo the other’s belt, Castiel grabs his wrists and pins them over his head. He holds Dean in place and grinds against him, kissing him, nipping at his neck, his earlobe, only to reclaim his mouth once again.

By the time Castiel grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him towards the bed, Dean’s head is fuzzy with arousal. He’s breathless just from making out in a way that he never achieved with anybody else. Just a look from Cas disarms him and a kiss completely ruins him. They take each other’s clothes in a hurry, stealing kisses in between when they can. Cas dotes on him, caressing and kissing every inch of skin he can get his hands and mouth to. Dean, who feels like he’s having the most wonderful fever dream, lets him do whatever he wants, knowing full well that it’s going to be amazing. Cas preps him rough and fast, opting not to tease Dean so much this time, for which he is glad; they’ve both waited for far too long for this. It’s so good, it just makes no sense to have held back for so long. 

Cas sets a brutal pace, thrusting into him with such force that the bed moves a few inches back and forth, the wooden headboard clashing with the wall behind them. It’s loud and other people will for certain hear that, if they can’t hear with sounds Dean’s making. This time Dean can hold him close though, every gasp and every moan going directly into Castiel’s ear which seems to light a fire inside of him. He fucks Dean like he’s got something to probe, as if maybe Dean won’t hold back for so long again if he’s reminded of how amazing it is when they spend a night together. Dean claws at his back, fully aware that he is more likely leaving marks but he kind of wants to because the weekend will come to an end soon and then what? He wants to leave pieces of him in Castiel’s skin so the next person to be with him knows Cas belongs to Dean. They belong together. They’re  _ so good _ together.

They cum almost at the same time, sharing sloppy kisses, panting into each other’s mouth. Dean can feel Castiel’s erratic heartbeat as he lays on top of him. Dean’s hands absentmindedly comb through Castiel’s hair while the haze in his brain slowly dissipates and the air returns to his lungs. He’s going to feel that pounding in his ass for days and he kind of likes that.

“If this is how we’re celebrating my birthday, I’m never going to let you forget it again,” Castiel jokes, smiling against Dean’s neck.

Cas is the first one to move away and if Dean didn’t know better, he’d say something like sadness briefly flashed across his friend’s face. If it did, it only lasted a second, then Cas went off to get a towel to clean them up. Any plan to do anything else but go to bed—watching a moving, going into the jacuzzi, talking—gets discarded right away because between hiking for hours and having sex, they’re both tired and ready to call it a night. The only thing they do before going to bed is have a brief talk with the hotel clerk who looks mortified to have to ask them to keep it down a little.

Dean fears that awkward space between them in bed will come back to haunt him through the night but Cas spoons him and holds him close, which makes him smile.

“Is this okay?” he whispers in the dark.

“Yeah.”

It feels great, actually. He feels safe and happy, and God bless that girl for changing their reservation. 

He’s almost already dozing off when another whisper from behind him brings him back to reality.

“I love you,” Castiel says. An edge of something like ache accompanies a tone that otherwise is rather soft and tender, completely honest and true.

Dean’s quite sure his heart skips a beat.

“Cas—”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Cas adds quickly, more urgently. “I know you don’t feel the same way, I just wanted to tell you at least once. I know you were upset to see me with someone else but you have to know, it doesn’t mean anything, I’m still waiting for you. I’ll always be waiting for you.”

He presses a soft kiss to the back of Dean’s neck and his grip around him tightens. 

Dean doesn’t know what to do. He knows what he should say because he finally can’t deny what he feels, all this happiness, all this love. He should say it back, those simple three little words, but he can’t, they die at the tip of his tongue. He cannot possibly be honest, he’d be signing Castiel’s death sentence with it.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, even if he feels safe as can be in Castiel’s arms. Cas likes to snuggle all through the night and Dean can’t say that he doesn’t want every minute of it. He dreads the morning, the moment when Cas will finally move away and they will go back to their carefully crafted friendship, but surprisingly that doesn’t happen. When Cas begins to stir and it’s obvious he’s waking up, he does nothing but move even closer, wrapping his arms around Dean. Dean leans back against him to let him know it’s okay, the touch is welcome. Cas kisses the back of his neck, light pecks that slowly turn into open mouth kisses and gentle nipping. Slowly, he begins to grind against Dean’s ass. Dean’s got plenty of time to tell him to stop, to roll away, to give him any signs that this is not okay, but instead he rolls his ass back against Cas’ growing erection, finding their entire thing, the intimacy of it all, very arousing himself.

There’s a clear difference in what they do that morning. Cas doesn’t tease him, doesn’t fuck him into oblivion. This time, Cas makes love to him. He hooks an arm behind Dean’s leg to bring it closer to Dean’s chest, to give himself better access, and slowly jacks Dean off with the arm that surrounds his partner. There’s no hurry this time, no need to impress, just a deep and sweet desire to hold Dean close and convey all the love Cas has got for him. Dean’s orgasm builds up slowly, at a steady pace, to a level he’s never felt before. It’s very long and it drags on and on, and it’s both glorious and terrible, because trust Castiel to ruin sex for him all over again. How is Dean supposed to sleep with anyone else ever again when it seems his body was made for Castiel’s and vice versa?

They’re both quieter in the morning. They have breakfast and take a stroll by the shore, walking aimlessly without much of a hurry. Cas smiles at him a lot but it’s like there’s this shadow of something else in his eyes, something he’s keeping from Dean. If he’s feeling anything like Dean, it’s probably the same ache that’s eating him up.

Later that evening, Dean returns home, to his silent, empty apartment. Castiel’s absence is deafening and soul crushing. It doesn’t have to be like that, he thinks as he lays down to sleep that night. He’s alone. Why is he alone? He could choose not to be. He would like that a lot. He misses Castiel as soon as they part ways. He wonders if that’s how Castiel feels all the time, if this is what being in love with someone you can’t have is like. It is torture, it’s hopeless longing. 

He touches his lips as he remembers Castiel’s on his. He longs for another kiss with every cell in his body. But there can be no more, he tells himself, because every kiss brings Castiel closer to his end and Dean can’t bear the thought of this beautiful person dying to love him. He’s just not worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments, guys, you make my day <3 <3


	15. HAPPY ACCIDENT

On the morning of Benny’s wedding, Castiel wakes up early to go out for a run. He needs to get some air, clear his mind, burn some energy. Sharing a hotel room with Dean is not nearly as fun as it was the last time. They have separate beds this time, no lucky errors in the reservation. The short distance between their beds, not more than three feet, feels immense. He hates sleeping on his own knowing it’s so much better to sleep next to Dean, even if his own bed is perfectly comfortable. There’s this tension in the air too. Cas is not great at social cues but there’s just something about Dean… He’s nervous, Cas can tell. It’s the wedding, he says, all these best man duties and having to give a speech in front of a bunch of strangers. Castiel doesn’t doubt he’s saying the truth, he just doesn’t think his friend is saying the  _ whole _ truth.

Ever since their little trip to the national park, something’s changed. Nothing has really happened and they are no less closer than there were before. They continue to hang out on a regular basis and there’s no doubt in Castiel’s mind that they are what humans like to refer to as  _ best friends…  _ And yet there is this sort of uneasiness about Dean that is not common. It’s like he’s constantly self-conscious, taking time to think before doing or saying something, when usually he’d be more impulsive and easygoing. It gives Castiel the feeling that he’s not acting naturally all the time, he’s overthinking every step he takes, every choice he makes. He does, however, stick to one of his most notorious and frustrating habits; keeping his thoughts to himself. Never sharing, never wanting to bother others with his concerns. 

Cas can’t help but think this is his fault. He finally pushed Dean too much, probably made him uncomfortable with that whole  _ I love you _ moment. It just burst out of him, he needed to say it.  _ Physically _ needed to let it out. It was eating at him. He should have kept his mouth shut and be content with what they had. It’s not a bad thing they’ve got going, their friendship is strong and amazing and life changing, and even though Dean may not be in love with him, Cas knows his friend cares for him nonetheless. There  _ is _ affection between them, even if it’s not at a level he’d like it to be. He doesn't want Dean to be self-conscious or uncomfortable in his presence, he wants him to feel safe and relaxed. It seemed like Dean was anything  _ but _ relaxed last night, after the rehearsal dinner, as they made their way to their shared room in the hotel where the wedding reception will be held. Dean was not stupid drunk but he had definitely had his fair share of alcohol, which meant there was something troubling him and that they for sure wouldn’t sleep together that night, since it was Cas’ rule now that they had to be sober for it. It was a stupid rule, he thinks now, because one could wait a lifetime for Dean Winchester to gather the courage to say what he really thinks or ask for what he wants. They could have had some fun instead of putting up with that charged silence that stretched between them as they took off their clothes and settled in different beds for the night.

Those stupid beds.

If Cas still had his powers, he should have obliterated them and replaced them by one big bed he would have loved to share with his best friend.

Best friends… It’s not that he doesn’t feel honoured to be Dean’s best friend but he wished they could be more. For a creature that has lived thousands and thousands of years, he’s finding it hard to be patient when it comes to Dean. Dean and his unfairly beautiful face. And his kind soul. And that suit he had on last night, it was sinful… It’s been over a year. How long does it take for a human to fall in love? What else can Cas possibly do to show he’s worthy of Dean? They are attracted to each other, they care for each other, they gravitate towards each other. People tease them and say they act like a married couple, so why aren’t they? Cas just doesn’t get it.

Castiel comes to a stop, sweat running down the sides of his face, his back. He should get back, he can’t run away from this problem anyway. 

He’s using his shirt to dry up the sweat in his forehead as he walks into his hotel room. When he looks up, he sees Dean sitting in his bed, his lips parted and his eyes fixed on Castiel’s uncovered abdomen like he’s never seen it before. It’s like he can’t help but stare, as usual. Castiel is not blind, he can tell Dean’s attracted to him, he just doesn’t get why they aren’t allowed to act on it more often. Cas would rather have bits of him than nothing at all anyway, and by now Dean’s aware of that, so why aren’t they tearing each other’s clothes off all the time?

By the time he gets out of the shower, Dean’s no longer in the room. It’s better that way, he figures, so he can dress in peace without feeling Dean’s eyes stealing glancing in his direction while he’s not supposed to notice it. He dresses up for the wedding, tries to tame his hair and makes his way down to get something for breakfast. Dean finds him in the lobby, which is a blessing because it’s crowded with people coming and going, taking things in and out the area where the party will be happening later that evening. It’s not often that Cas gets to see Dean this dressed and it’s a damn shame because he’s handsome beyond description on suit but maybe it’s just the way it’s supposed to be, it wouldn’t be fair for the rest of the mortals for Dean to go around flaunting his beauty on a daily basis like that. The human walks over to Castiel and adjusts his tie, standing just a feet inches away from him. He’s comfortable with their closeness, doesn’t even second guess it, like he belongs there. Cas likes to think he does. 

From the corner of his eye, not too far away from them Cas sees Benny’s mother adjusting her husband’s tie too. When she’s done, she plants her hands on his chest and gives him a quick peck on the lips before they rush away. Dean, on the other hand, says, “there we go,” with a little smile and then stops altogether, eyes on Castiel’s lips for just a fraction of a moment. It’s like Cas can see him debating whether he should or should not lean in for a kiss. Cas holds his breath and lets him make a decision, hoping silently for his desired outcome, but then Dean licks his lips and steps back, staring at the floor as he leads the way to the area where they will be having lunch.

It’s going to be a long day.

People, complete strangers, do this thing at times where they stop and stare at Dean when he walks past them, taken aback by how attractive he is. It was certainly one of the characteristics that drew the demon to accept the deal with the witches but in the end it was his soul, his kind, bright soul that captivated him.  _ That _ is, indeed, Dean’s most beautiful attribute, one that no one but Cas could see. Not anymore though, as his powers are too washed away for him to see beyond what normal human eyes can perceive. He sees it in other ways now though, like in the way Dean spends the entire morning and early afternoon making sure absolutely everything is ready to go for the party. He checks his pockets obsessively to make sure he hasn’t lost the rings, he gets lunch for the people already at the hotel like the bridesmaids and groomsmen and some family members of both the bride and groom, he resolves a flower crisis with Andrea’s best friend… He’s coming and going all day like it’s his job to make this day perfect for Benny. Castiel loves him for it and, far from distracting him from how hot Dean looks in a suit, it makes him want his best friend even more. He’s got a front row seat to watch the man of his dreams at his finest and it’s driving him nuts to have to keep his hands to himself.

Thankfully though, he’s got other things to worry about. Castiel stands in front of the large church doors feeling somewhat afraid for the first time in… well, forever. He’s been dreading this moment for weeks. He’s not entirely sure how human he is, there is no way of knowing, but since all his powers are gone he hopes that it’ll be okay for him to step into the church. For the first time ever. He’s nervous, the last thing he wants is to go in and spontaneously burst into flames, certainly ruining the day for everybody. It worried him so much he wasn’t really going to go at first but Dean had insisted, joking Cas was his date to the wedding. Or at least it had seemed like a joke but here they are now, both without a plus one, sharing a room for the weekend…

“Cas?” Charlie asks next to him, patting his arm. “They’re going to start soon, we should go in.”

They’re the last ones in. Dean’s already inside, he’s the best man after all, he’s in the middle of the action all day. Cas is expendable though, so he delayed going in, looking up at the church like it’s daring him to go in. Charlie, bless her heart, stayed behind to support him since she knows about his predicament.

“Holy water didn’t do anything to you so this is probably just fine too.”

It was only a few days ago that they decided to test some of Castiel’s other weaknesses, like holy water and crucifixes, in preparation for the wedding. Nothing worked on him, he was perfectly fine, but walking into the house of God just feels blatantly reckless. He’s pushing the limits and for what? To see Benny get married under the eyes of the God Cas despises?

But Dean will be there, looking handsome and smiling, happy and confident in plain sight where Cas can stare freely… He sighs because there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to see that smile so he steps in, Charlie following him at a safe distance… just in case…

Just like with the holy water, nothing happens. He walks in and blends in, as if he were another human amongst the crowd. He’s a little hot on the collar but it could just be the nerves. Either way he sits with Charlie and watches the ceremony, keeping his eyes on Dean for the most part. If they were ever to be married, they sure wouldn’t do it in a church but Cas still likes to imagine it’s him Dean’s waiting for by the altar, and it’s them joining hands in union. Dean’s eyes look for him in the crowd and he smiles when he finds his best friend. Cas smiles back but he can’t deny that dull ache in his chest, his heart.

Why are they not together again? He just doesn’t get it.

When all is said and done, when the vows are exchanged and the groom kisses the bride, the crowd erupts in cheers. The stars of the show walk hand in hand with bright smiles up the aisle again, followed by the bridesmaids and groomsmen, Dean at the front with a pretty woman holding his arm. She looks up at him like she’s a woman on a mission and Castiel can’t really blame her, Dean looks out of this world handsome so it makes sense that she might want his attention. If he didn’t know better, Cas might have said he was a demon because his beauty is just supernatural. 

A pang of jealousy courses through him his entire body at that moment. This is a new feeling that came with knowing Dean and becoming human. Jealousy. He never felt that before, never wanted anything so badly but had to share it. It’s unpleasant and he wishes there comes a day when he doesn’t feel it anymore. It’s right up there in the list of human things he hates feeling, like the annoying numbness in his hands when they’re cold or soreness in his legs when he forgets to stretch after a long run.

As confusing as his situation with Dean is though, his fears seem to be unfounded for Dean does nothing but seek him out all day, which the bridesmaid realizes quite soon. The first sign she seems to get is when Dean walks past them with her and he reaches out to squeeze Castiel’s arm for no reason whatsoever other than that touch-starve side of Dean that always seems to be itching to find an excuse to reach out to Cas. The second sign is when Andrea throws the bouquet pretty poorly, more sideways than backwards over her head, and it lands right in Dean’s face. He grabs it before it can drop to the floor and looks up to see a crowd of feral ladies staring at him like they’re about to jump him, the bridesmaid he’d walked up the aisle with before included. It’s like they expect him to choose his bride on the spot. Much to their disappointment though, Dean turns towards Castiel and offers him the bouquet. 

“Here, Cas, you like these, right?” he mutters awkwardly, his cheeks burning a hot red as he offers the flowers to his best friend while everyone seems to be staring at them. Charlie, next to Cas, seems to be  _ vibrating _ for some reason.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel beams.

If those two situations weren’t enough to make it clear for the bridesmaid that Dean wasn’t interested in her, the way he seems to gravitate back to Cas whenever possible throughout the day, despite his best man duties, ends up erasing any doubt. Much to Castiel’s relief, she then moves on from Dean to the next good catch she can find at the wedding.

Weddings are long, Cas realizes. He doesn’t get to sit with Dean which is a shame but he’s with Charlie and some other friends they’ve got in common. It’s really nice sitting with them and feeling like he belongs somewhere, finally. He left his family in Hell but he built another kind on Earth. They welcomed him as Dean’s friends at first and then made him their own. He’s got people who care about him, like Charlie who is like a sister to him, not because of what he can do for them, not for his powers, but simply  _ because.  _ There’s something about him that’s worth loving in their eyes. Castiel has made a great effort to gain that right, to be good.

Apparently he hasn’t done enough though because if he had things would be different. He’d be holding hands with Dean just like Charlie does with Dorothy while they talk and eat cake, for starters, and they’d be sharing the bed in their hotel room instead of sleeping separately.

Cas watches the two women be openly affectionate with each other. For a moment, they’ve got no idea what they’re talking about, he just nods along. Dean laughs and throws his head back at something Charlie said. He looks radiant, he’s having a great time. He’s not put off by the public display of affection, he doesn’t frown upon it, and he’s comfortable with his own sexuality, he doesn’t need to hide the fact that he likes men. So… what’s the problem, then? What’s wrong with  _ Cas _ that keeps Dean at bay?

Maybe it’s just never going to happen and Castiel needs to face that fact. Maybe this is as much as Dean can give, a warm and loving friendship, but nothing else. Like Pamela and Dean, who flirt with each other constantly and have slept together in the past, but never pursued anything else between them. They’re fiercely loyal to each other but there’s no romance there. Cas thought there was something else there, sometimes, in the way Dean looks at him or touches him. He could be imagining it, the tenderness with which Dean behaves towards him that he doesn’t give to anyone else. He could be just hoping for it so much he sees things that aren’t there… The thought crushes him.

That wouldn’t explain the jealousy though, because Castiel is not blind, Dean  _ was _ jealous to find him with someone else. And yet, even though it upset him, Dean never made his claim when he easily could. If Cas still had his powers, he’d be tempted to peek into Dean’s mind because he’s at a loss as to how to interpret Dean’s actions at this point. Dean’s a mystery at times, too captivating to quit even though the clues just don’t make any sense anymore.

The party lasts for hours, apparently there’s a lot of dancing involved. He doesn’t dance, he doesn’t know how to, but he spends his time talking to friends so he has a nice time anyway. Dean is by his side most of the time, except when Pamela or Charlie force him to dance for a little while before Dean finds his way back to the table where Cas is sitting. It’s not until quite late into the night when Andrea makes her way into their table, arms folded over her chest and she pretends to be unhappy with them.

“What is this? Two perfectly single and handsome men sitting at the table while I’ve got so many guests waiting for a partner to dance with? Unacceptable!”

“Pamela and Charlie have made sure I cover an acceptable amount of time on the dance floor, thank you very much,” Dean defends himself with a playful smirk.

She clicks her tongue and narrows her eyes at him disapprovingly but then turns her eyes to Cas. “What about you, Cas? Have you danced yet?”

“No, but—”

“Great, then I’ll be right back with my friend Ana. I was actually kind of hoping to introduce you, she’s pretty awesome, she’s got a degree in environmental science, it’s right up your alley, Cas! She’s super nice too. Be right back...”

Before Cas can protest, she winks at him and disappears way faster than he would have thought she’d be able to with that big gown she’s wearing. He stares after her, not knowing what to do. It’s not like he doesn’t want to meet anybody, sleeping with someone else would definitely be a great way to release some of sexual frustration, but he doesn’t want to lead this person on. He also just really wants to stay with Dean and see him in a suit looking sinfully gorgeous for as long as possible because who knows when he’ll get to again.

Through the crowd, they both can see Andrea holding a woman’s hand, leading her towards their table. She’s thin and good looking, with bright red hair just like Charlie’s. She looks a little nervous but even from the distance she smiles warmly at him. Next to him, Dean inhales sharply.

“Wanna dance?” he blurts out.

Castiel blinks and turns in his direction. Dean’s looking at Anna, wrinkles in his forehead reflecting sudden concern.  _ There _ it is again, that raw  _ jealousy. _

“What?” 

Dean’s green eyes meet his with more urgency. “Do you want to dance? With me?”

“I don’t know how to dance.”

“I’ll show you,” he says and then starts dragging Cas towards the dance floor before Andrea and Anna can reach their table. 

Dean grabs him by the wrist first, but then, without looking at him, his hand slides down and wraps around Castiel’s. Cas is too stunned by the suddenness of it all to protest or react, he allows Dean to hide them between the crowd of people like that will avoid someone taking Cas away from him. By the time he turns to face Castiel, he’s blushing. He’s so cute Cas’ brain cannot process anything else as Dean manhandles him into a dancing position. He leads one of Castiel’s hands to his waist while he puts his own on Cas’ shoulder, the other still holding his hand. They’re so close Castiel would only need to lean in for a second before their lips would meet. He stares at Dean’s mouth hungrily for a few seconds before he forces himself to take a deep breath and look away. Dean leads the rhythm they move with, which is inconsistent with the music but Cas is not ready for anything else so he’s thankful they keep it simple.

Sometimes Dean will gently push him away and make Cas spin, which he does terribly awkwardly. Every time Dean chuckles. He looks so happy Castiel is determined to commit this moment to memory and never let it go. If only Dean could see it too, how good they’re together, how happy they make each other. Cas doesn’t know what romance is if this isn’t it, the way his heart races by just feeling Dean’s fingers interlocked with his own, or how Dean puts his hand on the small of Castiel’s back and pulls him closer like even an inch of distance between them is unbearable.

They don’t speak much but sometimes Cas glances at him and sees this little, pleased smile in his face that he adores but also finds frustrating and confusing. Cas wants to ask him why he did what he did, why he  _ panicked _ at the threat of someone else getting Castiel’s attention in such a romantic setting only to then completely relax once  _ he _ got it, but what’s the point? Dean rarely ever opens up under pressure. And he wants to enjoy this sweet moment between them, the closeness and the holding hands and how they swing back and forth slowly like nothing else but the two of them exist…

Until he sees them, Andrea and Benny doing the exact same thing not far away from them, lost in their own little world. They’re lovers, not friends though. They’re got it all, no space between them as Andrea rests her head on his shoulder. Benny’s got his eyes closed and a tender smile pulling at the corner of his lips. They look so in love and unafraid to show it. It breaks Cas’ heart to see it because he feels like he’s  _ almost _ there but not  _ quite _ and he doesn’t understand why or how to change his predicament, how to make Dean fall in love with him all the way through.

“Do you think you’ll ever love me like that?” he suddenly blurts out against his better judgement because he knows Dean so he knows he won’t react the way Cas wants him to. 

Dean leans back ever so slightly with a questioning look before his eyes follow the direction of Castiel’s and they land on the newlyweds. Cas sees the change in his expression, the blood draining from his face. When he looks back at him, he’s got this panicked expression that Castiel had been expecting. It doesn't make it easier though.

“I’ve changed,” Castiel continues, “I’ve learned. I’ve worked hard to be someone you could love. I followed every advice I was given and yet… yet here we are.”

In a small voice, barely audible over the loud music, Dean mutters, “I care about you, Cas.”

“Not the way I want you to. Not the way I love you.”

Dean swallows hard and opens his mouth to say something… hopefully to tell Cas that he’s wrong, that he  _ is _ in love, that he’s just only now realized it, maybe… Cas almost thinks he sees something in those green eyes, a silent confession, he can almost fool himself into thinking Dean’s about to say what Cas has long to hear since they met… but in the end he doesn’t say anything, he stays silent as he always does when Castiel tries to bring up this subject.

Suddenly the dancefloor feels suffocating—the crowd is too big, the music too loud, the air too thick. He drops Dean’s hand and takes a step back, eyes on the floor rather and avoiding Dean.

“Cas—”

“I need some air.”

Which is ridiculous because they are _ outdoors _ but he needs space, even though there’s nothing more he’d like but to cross this metaphorical distance between the two of them.

He walks aimlessly, through the park in the back of the hotel towards… he’s not really sure, just wherever his feet take him. Away from the lights and the crowd, the night is a little chilly but he doesn’t care, he keeps going with his hands buried in his pockets. He loosens his bowtie and kicks a rock, finding without thinking a bench to sit on at a child’s playground. It’s dark and silent and Dean comes back to his thoughts (he never left to begin with), he can practically hear his voice telling Cas to get out of there because it’s late and he’s alone and it could be dangerous. Dean is always so concerned about his mortality yet Cas is not human. He wishes he were but it’s up to Dean, unfortunately.

Cas is now sure how long he’s there, thinking and planning, wondering what else he can do to prove himself to Dean. Adopt a pet? Dean’s not particularly into animals. Get a promotion? But Dean doesn’t really care about money, not unless he’s worrying about having enough to pay the bill. Maybe get into better shape? Would he like Castiel to have really marked abs, maybe? He seems to be pretty into him already as it is.

Letting out a groan of frustration, he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands. He can’t come up with any good ideas so once again he’s got to face the possibility that maybe this is all there is to their relationship. Which is bad, Cas loves the way things are between them, it’s just going to take a lot of time and heartache to give up all the other things he’d been wishing for. If this is what Dean wants, maybe the final challenge for Castiel to become human will be to  _ accept it _ , the love that Dean can give, in whatever shape or form he chooses to, instead of demanding what he wants.

Suddenly he gets an overwhelming desire to cry. He’s mourning, for the first time in his long existence, he’s grieving for the wishes he had that cannot be, the vision of him next to Dean that will never become true. He has to give up Dean to get what he wants, to be finally human and earn his soul, and it’s a great price to pay but deals never come without their sacrifice. He was a fool to ever think it was going to be so easy.

He’s determined to be a good friend though, so eventually gathers his courage, accepts his fate and heads back to the party. It takes him longer than intended to find the hotel again—he should have really paid more attention where he was going—, and by then the bride and groom have left, which he regrets not being there to see. It looks like the party is slowly coming to its end and he can’t find Dean anywhere.

However, Charlie finds him.

“Where were you?” she asks rather abruptly.

Castiel blinks, slightly taken aback by the urgency in her tone. “I took a walk.”

Charlie bites her lip anxiously and crosses her arms over her chest as she thinks, carefully choosing her next words.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes! I mean—well, no.” Charlie huffs in frustration and bites her nails, acting a little crazy.

Utterly confused by her behaviour, Cas presses her further. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Her eyes go wide, it’s like she’s trying to speak to him telepathically. “Yes!”

“Okay…”

Cas tilts his head to the side to indicate she should proceed but Charlie doesn’t budget even though she looks like she’s bursting to confess.

“I can’t tell you without betraying someone’s confidence! I—it’s just that—Cas…” She takes a deep breath and reaches out to gently touch his arm. “Go find him. Don’t give up, Cas.”

He doesn’t have to ask to know who she’s referring to but before he can make any questions, she stands on the tip of her toes to kiss his cheek, gives him a sympathetic smile and rushes off to find Dorothy who looks very tired and ready to leave. Cas watches the ladies leave, pondering what prompted her to approach him like that. Perhaps Dean talked to her? If so, what did he say, something secret perhaps? Or maybe she also believes that there is something more between the two men, a bond that goes beyond friendship. 

Cas makes a note of trying to talk to Charlie on another occasion but meanwhile calls it a night and heads to his bedroom. He finds the lights are off and the room is completely quiet. With the dim light coming from the hallway he makes out Dean’s body underneath the covers. Whether he’s asleep or not, Castiel can’t tell.

He closes the door behind him gently and makes sure to tiptoe around the room, in case Dean is sleeping. He takes his clothes off, bolding them blindly as best as he can. He lays them down on the nearest surface and walks over to his bed. Standing in the space between their beds, Castiel’s go from Dean’s bed to his and back and forth, back and forth. He knows in what bed he belongs but he can’t help himself as he turns away from his bed and takes a step towards Dean’s. If he’s really going to give up his expectations of ending up with Dean, he at least wants to give himself one more night of being close to this man he’s learned to love dearly. One more kiss, one more cuddle, that’s all he wants, then he’ll make an honest effort to move on and make peace with their friendship.

In a small voice, so foreign to him what with the vulnerability it carries when all his life he’s been confident and mighty, he whispers, “Dean?”

Without saying a word, Dean reaches behind his back and pulls the covers aside as if inviting Castiel in. Castiel, relieved to be invited, takes a deep breath in and gets under the covers. He snuggles up to Dean, from head to toe, and throws an arm around him to press their body closely. The bed is small for two grown men of their size and it’s probably going to be uncomfortable sleeping together, but there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. He nuzzles the back of Dean’s bed with his nose and then presses a light kiss on the spot between his shoulder blades. Dean’s hand finds his and Cas opens it invitingly for Dean to intertwine their fingers together, which he does. 

“Cas—”

The word comes out like a sad sigh, tainted by guilt. Castiel squeezes his hand and stops Dean before he can do something stupid like apologize for not feeling the same. After all, it’s nos his fault. 

“I know. It’s just for tonight but… it’s okay. I rather have some of you than none at all.”

Dean grows quiet and, as usual, Cas wonders what goes through his mind. Then, he turns in Castiel’s arms and lowers himself a little in bed to rest his head on his friend’s chest. Cas wraps his arms around him and Dean traps one of Cas’ legs between his. The demon lets it all sink in, committing this to memory, their last time together like this. That thought tugs something at his heart, in a bad way. True to the greedy and selfish as the nature of the demon he is, he places his thumb and index finger below Dean’s chin and lifts his head as he leans down to meet Dean half way for a kiss. It’s soft and chaste, and it feels like they stay like that for a long time. Cas tries to convey all he feels with that simple kiss, hoping that maybe it’ll change Dean’s mind, some day if not that same night. Eventually he pulls away and combs his hair through Dean’s hair, guiding his head back to Castiel’s chest.

He takes a deep breath, sets his jaw and closes his eyes. Tomorrow, as hard as it might be, he will let Dean go.

In the morning he wakes up alone, which is rare given that Dean usually stays in bed late. A part of him is disappointed but he knows it’s probably for the best, that it makes things easier. It doesn’t make him less miserable though. He sits up practically pouting like a child and drags his feet out of the bed and into the floor. Hiding under the covers all day seems tempting but they need to check out at some point, probably sooner rather than later if Dean’s already out of bed. 

Cas finds his spare clothes and begins to put them on, first the jeans, then his shirt. He doesn’t bother buttoning it up yet as he walks to the bathroom and begins to wash his teeth. He’s tired, sleeping with Dean in that bed was as uncomfortable as he’d expected.  _ No regrets, though, _ he thinks, eyes half closed as he watches himself in the reflection in the mirror. He pours water into a glass to rinse his mouth and spits into the sink. As he lifts the glass to the faucet again, he clumsily drops it and it shatters against the porcelain below at the same time as he hand tries to grab it. A blinding pain curses through him and he pulls his hand back with a hiss. Stupidly he waves his hand in the air as if he could detach the pain from himself like one tries to kick gum out of one’s shoes. The pain intensifies. Suddenly awake, he opens his eyes wide to see his hand covered in something red and thick. He squints, not trusting his own eyes, then they go wide again. The blood trails down the open wound in his palm, past his wrist and onto his arm. There’s a throbbing pain coming from it but Castiel almost doesn’t feel it, too stunned with what is happening to care about the physical discomfort.

He’s bleeding. He’s wounded. He’s—

But it can’t be, that would mean that Dean—

As though his thoughts had summoned his friend, Dean decides that’s his moment to walk back into their room. Cas seems him from the corner of his eye as he comes in holding two cups of coffee and a bag with something that smells really good (probably croissants) between his teeth, and turns in his direction, mouth agape and speechless. 

The moment Dean sees red, his eyebrows shoot up and the bag drops from his mouth into the floor. 

“What the—are you okay?”

Cas does this sort of awkward shrug, his own thoughts too wild to be tamed at the moment. The caretaker in Dean takes over immediately. He puts down the coffees on the nearest surface and runs to wrap Castiel’s hand with a towel. The pressure on the wound brings Cas back to Earth, he trashes out of Dean’s touch, which is a first, and groans in pain.

“Stay still, dammit,” Dean scolds him halfheartedly, manipulating Castiel’s wrist to get a better view at the cut. He pulls the towel away, inspects the wound and makes a face. “Cas, you’re gonna need stitches. Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

There are so many other things Castiel wants to do but in his state of bewilderment it is easy for Dean to manhandle him out of the room and into the car. He doesn’t register that he doesn’t have shoes on or the weird glances people throw at them, Castiel stares at Dean the entire way like he’s seeing his best friend for the first time.

“Are you okay?” Dean asks him, throwing anxious glances at him when the traffic allows him. “You’re pale. We’re almost there, Cas.”

When Cas does nothing but continue to stare at this man, Dean gets more and more nervous.

“Come on, man, don’t tell me you have a thing for blood. Not  _ you _ ,” he teases Cas in an attempt to bring him back from his trance. “Since when do you bleed anyway?”

Cas opens his mouth to respond, his answer another question— _ since when are you in love with me!?— _ but then Dean is pulling into the parking lot of the hospital and dragging him in. The emergency room is pretty deserted so they don’t have to wait long. Dean, mistaking Castiel’s haze for dislike of blood ( _ did he forget I used to be a demon?,  _ he wonders internally), forces him to sit down before walking to the woman behind the counter to check Cas in. 

Oh, what an idiot he was, he now realizes as he watches Dean from afar.  _ Of course _ Dean loves him, he just wouldn’t act on it. It’s textbook Dean Winchester not to go for what he wants, probably not even think he deserves it. Trust him to sabotage his own happiness. What was it that he told Cas a long time ago, when he was trying to convince him to find someone else? 

_ “... Point is, literally anyone is probably better than me…” _

He probably believes that to this day and it saddens Cas that Dean  _ still _ can’t see his own worth, even if his own happiness is overwhelming at this point. He continues to wait for Castiel to find someone else, someone  _ better _ , even if it would break his own heart. He puts Cas and his happiness first, which in the end must have been what turned him human, ironically, because Dean would give up his own happy ending to make sure Cas finds the best possible life he can get.

Castiel isn’t sure when the change happened, when he finally turned, but he must have been human for a while now. He had imagined that when it happened, when he finally got a soul, that he would feel it inside of him somehow, like being struck by lighting all of a sudden, since he knows souls to be very powerful things... but all Cas is aware of as he lays his good hand on his chest is his heart beating rapidly. He looks down at his hand wrapped in the towel, which is soaking wet and red, and smiles. It must be a weird thing to watch but he can’t help himself. He’s human, he’s finally human, and he’s loved like he always wanted to be by the very man that gave him purpose and a home and a family…

A few minutes later the nurse comes to get him and the not so fun part of being human begins. Getting stitches hurts like a bitch, not to mention the moment before when she disinfects the injury and checks that there were no stray pieces of glass hiding below all that blood. He groans in discomfort and pain the entire time but, even if it’s masochistic to say, it’s not all that bad because Dean stands behind his chair, his hands on Castiel’s shoulders as if to comfort him with his presence, and it feels entirely different to have Dean touch him now. His thumbs roll over sore spots in Cas’ shoulder blades and he whispers words of encouragement. It makes sense that Dean can’t keep his hands to himself even if he means to let Cas go, a struggle with which Castiel can absolutely identify himself.

Once it is all said and done and Dean’s got instructions on how to tend to the wound, as though it was  _ his _ duty to make sure Cas, a grown man, doesn’t get an infection, Dean drives him home. He leads his friend inside even though Cas is perfectly fine and grabs him a cup of water. 

“You need to change,” he indicates, gesturing with his hand towards Castiel’s shirt which has blood stains all over.

Before Cas gets a chance to object, Dean disappears into the bedroom to get him a clean t-shirt. Almost in auto-mode, Cas takes the shirt off and holds it with his good hand, lifting it to his eyes. These beautiful, red stains are a testament to their love so when Dean returns and grabs the shirt, Castiel finds himself clutching it tightly out of impulse as if to protect it. Dean frowns and gives him a questioning look before Cas lets Dean take the shirt away in the end.

“I’m just going to throw it in the washing machine, Cas, the longer you wait to clean a blood stain, the harder it is to get it to come out,” he explains.

Like he’s at home, he heads downstairs to wash the shirt and comes back a moment later to find Cas right where he left him. Dean can’t help but chuckle nervously as he lifts an eyebrow, looking at his friend up and down, studying him.

“Dude, what? You’re awfully quiet.” Then his expression changed into one of worry again and he starts heading towards the kitchen. “Do you need something? Maybe I can make you something to eat? Some pancakes might help you bounced back to—”

“I’m okay, I don’t… have a problem with blood, Dean, I’ve seen it all my life,” Cas tells him, finally finding his voice. He follows Dean into the kitchen and takes the package of flour from his hand.

“Okay, then why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird, I’m just…  _ processing _ this.”

“Processing what?”

“ _ This _ ,” he stresses, lifting his injured hand up, like it holds all the answers. It really does. “I’m—I’m human… I’m  _ completely _ human, which means…”

Dean swallows hard, the blood draining from his face, but Cas, on the other hand, can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“You love me,” he whispers somewhat shyly despite being absolutely convinced that he’s right.

He takes a step forward and Dean takes one back. Cas fists the front of his shirt and crowds him against the counter, leaning in slowly as his eyes are locked in Dean’s lips. He wants to kiss him so badly, he wants to end this senseless waiting. Dean, on the other hand, is tense, his hands grabbing the counter behind him like his life depends on it. He dips his head to avoid Castiel’s lips even though his eyes are glued to them like there’s nothing else he wants more but to kiss him.

“Cas, don’t…” he whispers a plea.

“Why not?”

“Cause I… I don’t want to be your death sentence. I want to save you from that, it’s not—it’s not a fair trade you’re making man.”

Cas leans in impossibly closer, his lips hovering just an inch away from Dean’s. He takes it slow, savouring the moment. He’s nervous, his hands are sweaty, but he doesn’t want this to end. He loves this closeness, loves to see how much effort Dean has to make to contain himself from touching him and kissing him and taking what he wants… He feels loved and wanted and drunk in a happiness he never knew he could feel. Being human is just  _ wonderful _ , more than he could have ever imagined.

“I’m already saved,” he whispers.

Just as he’s about to finally indulge and kiss Dean, his friend cups his face and rests his forehead in Castiel’s.

“Cas,” Dean starts, full of apprehension, “I just don’t think… I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“You don’t know that, I—I’ve messed up  _ every _ relationship I’ve ever had and I just  _ can’t _ afford to lose you too. I don’t want to hurt you, Cas, I—why are you smiling, you  _ ass _ ?”

Dean huffs a laugh, confused and pained, his thumb caressing Cas’ cheek. 

“Because you’re an idiot, Dean, but I love you anyway.”

At the sound of those three little words, Dean all but melts.

“Cas—”

“I’m already human, the damage is done,” Cas says, shrugging because there’s just no point arguing about it anyway, “so why don’t you make it worthwhile and tell me what I want to hear?”

Dean swallows hard but Cas sees the resolution leaving Dean, a strong desire and need to give in replacing it. Cas nudges their noises lovingly in encouragement and Dean sighs, finally giving in.

“I love you, Cas,” he whispers before leaning in and finally breaking that distance between them to press a gentle kiss to his best friend’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, guys! There was a change in the schedule and it threw me off.  
> This was supposed to be the last chapter but then I was like WHAT? No! Dean did not learn his lesson! So I decided to add a little more to the story but I also had to plan an online mystery party (which I highly recommend, so much fun, I bought a package at nightofmystery.com if anybody is interested), so, yeah, I got delayed
> 
> Thank you for all your lovely messages, they make my day! :)


	16. UNEXPECTED VISITORS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this over the weekend but I had a wild ride, guys. Apparently our upstairs neighbour who is a vampire who never sleeps broke into our apartment? But the police wouldn't make a report because she didn't take anything/doesn't seem dangerous? I feel like I've listened to so many true crime podcasts, I've attracted the weird into my life.  
> Anyway, here's an update!

Everything is good. Everything is  _ excellent _ , actually. Dean is heads over heels in love with Cas. He’s singing-love-songs-in-the-shower, showing-disgustingly-cute-displays-of-public-affection and staying-up-late-just-to-make-out level of crazy in love. His favourite time of the day is going to bed with his boyfriend, holding him close and feeling at home by his side, only to wake up together and start another glorious day in their domestic life. It’s bliss like nothing Dean’s ever known before, everything has fallen into place so easily.

Not long after Benny’s wedding Dean moved in with Cas; it was the only thing that made sense since they were at each other's places constantly anyway. Not much changed between them, except they are more physically affectionate with each other, but the core of their dynamic is the same. They are like two peas in a pod, simply made for each other. Dean knows in his heart that he will never want someone else the way he wants Cas, that this is it for him. If he can’t make it work with him, he’s doomed. Cas is all he wants, the last piece of the puzzle that was missing in his life.

He’s so happy though, it’s actually terrifying. He’s just not  _ used  _ to it, it’s a wild and bizarre feeling that feels precious and delicate. Nice and easy have never been adjectives he used to describe his life, that’s simply not how things go for him, in his experience, so he keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has to happen, he is  _ convinced _ of it.

Some day Cas will wake up and realize he’s got more in common with Hannah than him.

Or that Balthazar can offer him a better life, since he’s got  _ a lot _ of money and he’s classy and well read and stuff like that.

Or Cas will decide he likes Meg’s edgy personality more than Dean’s boyish attitude and simple mind. 

Perhaps he’ll get a better job offer really far away and Dean won’t be enough to get him to stay. Dean wouldn’t even dream of asking him to, he wants what is best for Cas and he could grow so much more, professionally speaking, if they moved away but Dean would never dream of it since all his friends and his brother are here, and his parents are also planning to move closer soon.

Maybe he’ll get bored of having sex with the same person over and over again, since Cas was used to sleeping with a parade of different people before. 

Or he’ll simply have enough of Dean leaving his clothes all over their bedroom, or the fact that he  _ never _ folds the clothes or that he forgets to take his shoes off when he comes in…

There’s just so much to choose from, so many things that could go wrong for them. Dean’s got so many flaws and Castiel has so many options beyond him. Dean is terrified of losing Cas and this beautiful home they’ve got together, this world that seems to stop with every kiss. He can’t imagine going his entire life without Cas by his side, although it’s barely been over two years since Castiel made his appearance. It’s crazy and undeniable how close they’ve grown thus far. But at the same time, a part of him feels he’s holding Cas back from getting something better, he just doesn’t feel like he deserves to be this happy with this amazing and unique person, not after all the shit he’s done.

Sam tells him he’s an idiot for worrying about such things and while a part of him kind of knows he is, another can’t help worrying. Cas seems more than happy with the life they’ve got but there are always those couples who seem to be just perfect for each other and everything looks great on the surface but then,  _ boom! _ , one of them was cheating on the other behind their back or something. Love is fragile, he knows that, so he just enjoys it while it lasts and prays and prays that nothing will disrupt his happy ending.

And then Gabriel comes…

It’s raining violently, a storm like nothing the city’s ever seen before that has lasted all day long and doesn’t seem like it will stop throughout the night either. Dean’s not on shift that night but he’s got his phone on the nightstand, in case he is called in to help. With the raging wind that blows outside, trees are bound to fall over, electric lines could be pulled down; both things can be dangerous and the fire department might be called to assist. For now he’s in bed though, dozing off but not able to fully fall asleep what with the angry thunder waking him every so often. He spoons Cas, his hand on his lover’s chest, holding him close. Cas could sleep through the apocalypse, it’s incredible.

Dean inhales slowly, letting the comfortable bed and the familiar smell of Cas lull him into sleep. He tries to tune out the heavy rain which, far from relaxing him, annoys him. He focuses on Castiel’s heartbeats, counting them instead of sheep, trying to finally shut his mind and sleep.

He almost succeeds but all of a sudden the sound of a screaming baby jolts him awake again. Lightning strikes and illuminates the bedroom. At the foot of the bed, a man with a crying baby stands looking down at them. Dean sits up in bed and reaches for the gun in his nightstand out of impulse (his recently injured back aching with the sudden movement), although he knows he can’t shoot at someone holding a kid. Before he can get to it, the intruder snaps his fingers and the lights turn themselves on, momentarily blinding Dean. With his eyes closed, Dean tries to open the first drawer of the nightstand but it won’t budge, as if it were locked even though it doesn’t have a key. Next to him, Cas groans and sits up too, holding an arm up to cover his eyes. The baby continues to wail inconsolably.

“Really? You were going to point a gun at a baby? Jeez, and then they call  _ us _ the bad guys,” the stranger chastises Dean, shaking his head at him.

“Gabriel?” Cas asks, voice hoarse and tired. He opens one eye to study the stranger. “What are you doing here?”

Gabriel, one of Castiel’s many brothers as Dean remembers, grabs the baby by the armpits and extends his arms towards his brother with a pleading look on his face.

“Make it stop, Cas, I  _ beg _ you!”

Dean takes a moment to take in the stranger. He’s a rather short man with dirty blonde hair who looks absolutely dishevelled, hair sticking out in all directions with scruffy clothes. He looks like he had a rough couple of nights.

Castiel doesn't reach for the child. “What are you doing with a baby? Where did you get him from?”

The kid, who cannot be even one year old yet, trashes in Gabriel’s hands, kicking and screaming, so unhappy that something in Dean lights up with a fierce need to help and comfort him.

“It’s Lucifer’s. Long story short, he followed you down to Earth to see what you were up to and he got frisky with a human. The hypocrite, remember how he always called them apes and gave us shit for the orgies?  _ Prude. _ Anyway, this little fella came to be and I couldn’t let Lucifer have him, he’d grow too powerful so I—well, I kinda stole the baby and overthrew him as King of Hell.”

Castiel’s eyes go wide in shock, mouth hanging open speechless. Dean just doesn’t have the capacity to even process all of that.

“You did  _ what _ ?” Castiel asks in awe.

Gabriel, all smug, shrugs like it's nothing.

“Yeah, he’s in the cage now and I have to deal with  _ this _ ,” Gabriel empathizes, again offering the child to his brother who, again, doesn't grab him. Castiel looks at the child like it’s a ticking bomb, almost afraid of him. “It’s been crying  _ all _ day and I can’t stop it.”

“What do you expect  _ me _ to do?” Cas asks in bewilderment.

“I don’t know. You’ve always been the sensible one, figure something out!”

“Are you crazy? You need to leave, Gabriel, that child is too dangerous for this world!”

“Look around, Cas!” Gabriel exclaims, holding the baby with one arm haphazardly as he gestures towards the window and the powerful storm outside with the other. The kid looks so uncomfortable in that position, Dean’s hands itch to reach out and hold him properly. “This storm? It managed to cause it all the way from  _ Hell _ . Its powers know no limits. You either help me calm the kid down or it’s gonna swallow all of us whole. I've been trying but I just don't know what it wants!"

“Can we stop referring to him as  _ it _ ?” Dean interrupts, finally snapping out of his initial shock. He throws the covers aside and jumps off the bed, ignoring the pain in his back, and stalks over to Gabriel as he stretches out his arms to him. "He's just a baby!”

“Dean, don’t!” Cas jumps out of bed too, positioning himself between his boyfriend and his brother as he pushes Dean back, away from the kid. “Jack is  _ not _ a baby, he’s a nephilim, the child of a fallen angel and a human. You have no idea the kind of power he’s got, the thing he’s capable of.”

The kid’s face contorts as he continues to cry and Dean doesn’t care at all what he is capable of, all he knows is that the kid is suffering and needs help and Dean seems to be the only one willing to do something.

“I don’t care, Cas,” he argues as he pushes past his boyfriend, reaching for the baby, “he’s just a kid!”

Gabriel more than gladly lets go of the tiny god in his hands. Dean picks him up and brings him to his chest, bouncing the kid up and down in his arms, running a hand down his back trying to comfort him.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you’re okay. What’s the matter, buddy, the demon’s not treating you right?”

“Hey, I gave him  _ everything _ the King of Hell had to offer!” Gabriel defends himself.

Dean throws him an unimpressed look before he checks if the diaper is clean; it seems to be. “Could he be hungry? When was the last time he ate?”

“He doesn’t eat, he’s a  _ god _ ,” Gabriel replies, rolling his eyes like Dean’s a moron.

“Well, he’s half human, isn’t he? Come on, little man, I’ll get you something to eat...”

With the kid still crying to the top of his lungs in Dean’s arms, Dean hurries to the kitchen, looking around for anything that is appropriate for a kid this age.

“Do we have any bananas left?”

“Here, be my guest, genius,” Gabriel tells him, tone not short of sass, stretching out a hand towards him with a jar of baby food that he materialized at will. He opens it for Dean and hands it over, watching with amusement as he expects Dean to fail miserably with his dumb theory.

However, as soon as Dean gets a spoon with the soft purée, the boy reaches out towards it desperately with his chubby, little hands. Dean chuckles and manoeuvres the spoon away from his hands and into his mouth. The boy starts eating almost desperately.

“Attaboy… You were just hungry, weren’t you, sweetheart? And these two were bad-mouthing you, can you believe them?”

Dean sits in a stool and puts the baby down in front of him on the counter. The kid’s eyes follow the spoon like he’s hypnotized by it and he waits patiently for the next portion, sitting calmly like a good boy once the promise of food is there. Dean wipes the tears off his face gently with the back of his hand, the baby leaning into the touch like he’s touch-starve.

With a smirk, Dean looks over at the brothers who stare at him with their mouths again open, and says, “doesn’t look that dangerous to me, drama queens.”

“Dean, he is stronger than  _ God _ ,” Castiel warns him again, looking back and forth between the object of his affections and this tiny creature nervously, like he’s afraid of Dean’s proximity to the child.

Dean shrugs and looks back at the baby, who gives him a gummy, happy grin, purée slipping down his chin. Dean chuckles and cleans it up with his thumb before giving him another spoonful of purée.

“Is God this cute too?” he jokes.

The kid finishes almost the entire jar, which makes Dean feel bad because he must have been  _ really  _ hungry. Almost immediately he starts rubbing his little hands against his eyes, an obvious clue that he is tired.

“Wanna go take a nap, champ?” Dean asks him, tone sweet. He picks up the baby again, who goes willingly and rests his head against Dean’s chest like he trusts him. 

Dean rocks him slowly, making his way to the bedroom where he hums in a low voice while he keeps the lights off. The storm outside has abruptly subsided, all is good again. It takes the baby almost no time to fall asleep in Dean’s arms, breathing in and out softly, looking anything but like the monster Castiel seems to believe he is. Dean puts him down in the bed and makes a barrier of pillows around him, just in case he wakes up, and takes a second to look down at him. He’s finally peaceful and relaxed, and he’s oh so very cute with his dirty blonde hair and long eyelashes. The sight of him tugs something at Dean’s heart. He feels an instant connection with the baby, a need to protect him, this little helpless creature people are automatically afraid of. People expect the worst of him, even though he’s probably also full of potential to do something great, if he’s as powerful as they say he is. Cas used his powers for good… for the most part… so why can’t this kid too? It just seems wrong to be afraid of him and deny him help just because he  _ could _ be evil.

Dean exits the room walking on his tiptoes, closes to the door behind him slowly and meets the other two in the living-room. Gabriel and Castiel stare at him, not short of surprise in their eyes, amazed by his work with the devil’s child.

“Wow, you’re good at that,” Gabriel mutters. Then he clasps his hands and grins, “cool, well, I’ll leave the kid with ya, then.”

Castiel snaps his head in his brother’s direction so fast, it’s got to hurt. “ _ What? _ ”

“Doesn’t he have a mom?” Dean asks.

Gabriel shakes his head. “Nope, she passed away after giving birth to him.”

“Oh… Does he even have a name?”

“Jack.”

“Okay, so… so what do we do with Jack?”

“I already gave my opinion. He is yours now. Congrats!”

Gabriel throws his arms out and the living-room explodes with decoration all over; balloons and confetti and a large banner that reads  _ It’s a boy! _ It’s going to be a bitch to clean, is Dean’s first thought about it, besides the little scare it gives him.

“He can’t stay with us!” Castiel counters, fiercely shaking his brother’s arm. “Are you insane? He’s a danger to us all!”

“He’s more dangerous when he’s unhappy and Dean-o here just made him happier in 10 minutes and I made him in  _ days _ .”

“Jesus, you didn’t feed him for  _ days _ !?” Dean growls angrily, taking a step forward as if he were able to fight this demon at all. 

Gabriel throws his arms out, frustrated since the humans don’t seem to be listening to him, and says, “I don’t know anything about babies! I didn’t know he ate! He didn’t really come with  _ instructions _ , you know? And it’s not like I can go into the cage and be like ‘hi, Lucy, you must be pretty mad at me right now but if you don't mind, how does your kid work, exactly?’. Your guess is as good as mine and if you ask me, I think he’ll be better off with the baby whisperer here than with me in Hell.”

Gabe exhales and puts his hands on his hips, looking back and forth between the silent humans. Dean agrees with him, something he never thought he would do, but by the looks of it Cas isn’t convinced at all.

“Cas, I think we should—”

“No. No, Dean, you don’t understand—”

“I do! He’s powerful, bla bla bla. Bottom line is he’s just a  _ baby _ ,” Dean insists, walking over to his boyfriend and holding his hands. “He hasn’t done anything wrong yet, he deserves a chance to show that he can be good.”

His own words cut deep, a secret, unintentional double meaning to them. He feels a calling, like if he can save Jack, he’ll save himself too. If he proves Jack can be good, then Dean can too.

“I want him to stay with us,” he continues, tone softer, “I think we can show him a better way, Cas. We can show him love and kindness and—and how to be a  _ good _ man. And one day maybe with all those powers he’s got, he’ll do something  _ amazing _ . If he grows up in Hell with people—with  _ demons _ who don’t want him, who can’t understand him or what he needs, don’t you think that’ll be more risky?”

Just by the look in his eyes, Dean knows Castiel knows he’s right. The former demon swallows hard, taking his sweet time to give an answer. Dean understands his hesitation; he’s afraid Jack might hurt Dean, if not more people, but Dean is right, having Jack grow without love while also wielding immeasurable strength is far more dangerous. If he turns into a monster, it’ll be everybody’s doom. However, if he grows in a loving family with two good men to guide him…

It gives him hope, thinking that  _ he _ can be that good man, that he can steer the fate of this little god into a good direction. That he can redeem himself through Jack. 

In a small voice, tone embarrassed and full of self-doubt like it rarely ever is, Cas says, “I don’t know anything about babies, Dean.”

Dean can’t help but chuckle and cup Castiel’s beautiful face in his hands. “I kind of do. I promise we’ll be alright.”

“Ugh, you guys are disgusting,” Gabriel groans, wrinkling the bridge of his nose as he looks at their cute display of affection. “I’ve got a realm to rule so if you’ll excuse me…”

And in a blink of an eye, he’s gone. Dean stares at the blank space where the demon used to be a second ago, stunned again by the weirdness of his life. As a foolish after thought, he thinks with pride that Hannah would probably not be able to handle something like this.

With a dead serious expression in his face, Cas says, “Dean, I need you to teach me everything about babies. Go.”

Laughing, Dean pulls Cas towards the couch and they sit together, hand in hand. 

“Cas, I can’t teach you  _ everything _ about babies in one night. I don’t even  _ know _ everything about babies myself, no parent does. We’re going to make mistakes and that’s okay. We’ve just got to try our best.”

“The fate of the world could be on our shoulders,” Cas points out, practically buzzing with stress. “We  _ have _ to do our best and more.”

Dean sighs and shakes his head at him. He is probably not taking it seriously enough but Cas is worrying plenty for both of them. With one arm around Castiel’s shoulder, he pulls his boyfriend into a hug. Cas throws his arms around Dean, holding him back tightly, practically pulling Dean into his lap. Dean can practically  _ hear _ him worrying internally.

Pulling away just enough to look at him in the eyes, Dean nudges his nose lovingly and says, “Cas, stops worrying so much. It’ll be okay. I’m gonna make it okay. You—you’ll be a  _ great _ role model for him. You are amazing and I have no doubt you’ll be a great father to him.”

A shy smile spreads across Castiel’s face as he contemplates this idea—fatherhood—for a moment. He’d never thought about it before and as scary as it might be, every new human thing he ever tried with Dean turned out amazing so he’s got faith this can too.

After leaning in to peck Dean’s lips gently, he asks, “what about you?”

Dean shrugs. “What about me?”

“Are you going to be his father too?”

The blood rises to Dean’s cheeks instantly. “Well, I—I’m gonna  _ be _ here to raise the kid, I guess I… but  _ legally _ , we’re gonna have to ask Charlie for help forging some sort of adoption papers and, hmm, it’s your brother’s kid and we’re not married, so…”

Cas bites his lower lip and pulls Dean closer in his lap, cupping his ass. Against Dean’s lips, he whispers, “we could fix that one day, maybe.”

Dean’s poor heart practically skips a bit. Oh, boy, has he thought about marrying Cas long and hard. Only God knows how many times he’s stood outside a store looking at rings, tempted yet never having the courage to actually go inside and buy one because what if  _ that _ is their breaking point? What if marriage somehow changes things? Or what if Cas still has the chance to do better than him? 

Despite his own doubts, it’s really nice and encouraging to hear Castiel’s been thinking the same.

“Maybe,” Dean whispers back before getting lost in a long and tender kiss.

Before bed, Dean makes a quick run to the one pharmacy he knows is open all day. It’s this shady looking store pretty far from where they live now, where he used to buy emergency condoms for unexpected hook-ups not too long ago. He knows they’re going to need at least new diapers in the morning and he also adds some extra baby food to play it safe, although he’s planning to do more shopping the next day. He can’t be gone for too long, Cas will freak out if Jack wakes up and he’s got to handle the situation alone.

That night they sleep with Jack between them in the bed. Cas can’t help but continue to act cautiously around the baby, Dean just shakes his head at him and smiles. Very early in the morning, much earlier than he’d like, Dean wakes up with the baby kneeling next to him, pressing his hands on Dean’s chest, babbling meaninglessly. When Dean opens his eyes and grumbles what is supposed to be a hello, Jack gives him a happy good morning grin. So far, he’s more like a golden retriever puppy than the son of Satan, in Dean's humble opinion. He’s even got blond hair. 

Dean, who has a few days off due to an injury on his back that’s keeping him from the action, takes care of the kid while he lets Cas sleep a few more hours. He’s not so lucky, he’s got to work. After a quick change of diapers, Dean sits him in the counter again, feeding the kid spoonfuls of baby food while he sips on coffee, his eyes half closed the entire time. He shoots Charlie an S.O.S. text that he knows she won’t see for a few more hours, she likes to sleep in too, then he settles on the couch in front of the TV with Jack laying on his chest, lost in some kind of trance while they watch reruns of Scooby Doo. Letting the baby watch TV is probably not the greatest parenting move he can make but the kid’s got no toys yet and it’s too early to buy anything, so he lets it fly.

He puts his arms around the baby, afraid Jack will dive head first into the floor if Dean gets distracted since he is quite tired, and the boy nuzzles on top of him, comfortable in the big man’s arms that surround and comfort him. The weight of the baby feels nice and relaxing. A warmth spreads through Dean, a longing that he had for a long time but didn’t think he was close to achieving... Dean kisses the top of his head and whispers, “good boy. Not so scary, are ya?”

Cas finds Dean almost dozing off in the living-room with Jack on top of him. He can’t help but melt a little at the sight, with Dean still wearing his pyjamas and a robe on top, and the kid sucking his thumb innocently while he watches one of Dean’s favourite shows. Dean makes it look so easy, and they seem to be comfortable with each other. 

Jack watches Castiel carefully, his eyes more attentive than those of a normal child. It gives Cas the feeling that he remembers the previous night, that Cas was afraid of him and therefore, in return, Jack is cautious around the other as well. 

“Dean?” 

Dean blinks a few times, sitting up a little, and gives him a once over. Cas is dressed for work, standing just a few feet away, waiting for a sign to come closer.

“Jeez, man, I don’t know how many times I’ve got to say this: he’s  _ just _ a  _ baby _ . Come meet your nephew, come on. Stop being weird.”

Not without some hesitation, Cas walks over to him and stays a bit too still while Dean grabs the kid and places him in Cas’ lap. The son of Satan and the former demon look at each other, both studying the other. For a second Dean fears maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all, because he might want to save the kid but he’s practically forcing Castiel into this, guilt tripping him into opening his arms,  _ his _ house, for this unknown creature that just popped into their lives over night. Is Jack worth endangering the peace and balance of their relationship?

But then the kid yawns and rubs his chubby hands against his nose and eyes, showing once more that human side of him he inherited from his mother, and it seems to soften Cas. He puts his arms around Jack and pulls him closer, running a hand up and down his back slowly.

“Are you tired again?” he asks the kid, then lifts his gaze to meet Dean’s again. “Is he tired again? Do we put him to sleep?”

“Nah, not yet. I will, after you leave. Want some pancakes for breakfast?”

“Okay,” Cas beams but then he seems to panic when Dean begins to walk away, leaving Jack behind with him, alone. “What do I do with the baby?”

Dean shrugs and tries to laugh. He’s never seen Cas be this insecure before, it’s strange and kind of endearing. “I don’t know, Cas, just talk to him.”

“About what?”

Dean can’t help but chuckle this time. “Anything, really. Talk to him about your plants?”

Taking Dean’s advice like orders, Cas manoeuvres the baby into a comfortable position in his arms, holding him close like he’s afraid to drop Jack, and walks out into the backyard after putting on his rain boots because the garden is just a huge puddle of mud at this point. Dean watches him crouching down next to his favourite flowers, allowing the kid to reach out to touch them. Jack yanks at one of them abruptly and Dean gets anxious on Castiel’s behalf for a second, because he knows his boyfriend  _ adores _ those plants, but Cas is unfazed by Jack’s carelessness. He’s gentle and patient and he talks and talks to the baby. He allows Jack to touch the plants and also Castiel's face, and they both smile at each other when Castiel brings a flower to Jack’s nose and lets him smell its sweet scent. Dean melts looking at them, completely forgetting he’s supposed to start cooking. He hopes he’s not wrong about the choice he made, he hopes this doesn’t turn out to be their undoing. He hopes this is the start of something great; their own little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be the last chapter but, yeah, SURPRISE, there's going to be one more :)   
> Thank you for all your lovely comments, guys, you are awesome <3


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